12 Things Tuesday //

1. Who is feeling this full moon lunar eclipse in Libra?! It took place yesterday at midnight, but my goodness do I still feel it. The intensity is *palpable.* Yesterday morning I felt like I was having a full-on ayahuasca ceremony in my room, flowing and stretching and crying and feeling it ALL. Emotions were poooouring through. I literally felt ancestors coming up & sharing so much with me, it was so emotional & beautiful & cathartic. My fellow “lunar beings” will feel me on this – we are so connected to the moon. We feel it deeply. We reflect it. It’s a lottt.

2. Thank you for introducing yourselves on last week’s post and telling me more about you! I love knowing who is on the other side of the screen. I am so lucky and grateful to have you all here.

3. Two of my main pregnancy symptoms at the moment are SPD (horrible pelvic pain) & migraines — the migraines have returned! Gahhh!! I really feel that this pregnancy has taught me so many lessons about slowing down, saying no, instilling boundaries, having to cancel so many things and put myself first, etc. & the crazy thing is that because I’ve done that so much in this pregnancy, I feel like I have also been rewarded with incredible energy, inspiration, channeling, and more during this time. I know my daughter is already teaching me so much… she is a wise one.

4. I will be 23 weeks pregnant tomorrow… baby is the size of a grapefruit! And I am feeling it!!! If you’ve never been pregnant just imagine walking around with a large grapefruit strapped to your stomach all day long (and then imagine that growing in size by like 3x over the next four months lol) — it may not sound like a lot but trust me when it’s a 24/7 thing, it is.

5. The Pleiadians have been coming through soooo strongly lately. They have so much to say. I am gathering a bunch of messages from them that I will be sharing in our April 8th eclipse event in the platform — who’s joining!!!

6. My whole family is going to Barcelona tomorrow!! Originally I was planning to go too but pregnancy (and having a toddler) made things a little more complicated. I will be living through them. My niece (she is also my bff in the world) is studying abroad there this semester and I am so proud of her. She is living her best life.

7. When I studied abroad in Florence in college I started my first official blog, called “Meanwhile in Florence” !! I still look for it honestly I would LOVE to find it. I updated it every Sunday with like 10,000 word posts. Has much about me changed?! Nope, lol.

8. I have been doing sooo much yoga lately, just a ton of stretching and flowing at home and it feels amazing. It is the main thing that helps with this pelvic pain. I am so grateful for this practice which has saved me time and time and time again. What a true gift. I discovered yoga when I was 14, and I don’t know how I would have gotten through life up until this point without it. <3

9. I have Trevor Hall on repeat in the background right now and I am getting so excited to see him live at Red Rocks in June… and to spend time with him and our soul fam. I am so grateful for the incredible humans in my life.

10. I hope this post is making sense, as the migraine is making it hard to concentrate fully.

11. Today my plan is to edit the kundalini videos we filmed two weeks ago with my dear friend & teacher Britt Deanda!! The vids will be up in the platform asap and I am so excited to share!!!

12. You may still be able to join the platform as a founding member at the founding members rate today!!! It is going up today, but my team is still working on the backend of it. If you see this soon, you can still be a founding member. and either way, we have made the pricing super accessible and affordable overall!! JOIN US!

Love you all so much! Who is feeling the full moon & eclipse portal? How are you feeling today? Tell me all the things! XO 

On that note, I saved up a bunch of things I wanted to tell you guys so today is going to be juicy. With that, let’s dive into this week’s 12 things. ♡

12 Things Tuesday //

1. I am so happy that you loved the BOOK RECS post! I know that so many of you are big readers like me, so it was about time we did a big roundup of a bunch of my favorites. If you missed it, check it out. If you’ve read anything from the list, tell me below so we can discuss + dissect!!!

2. We are getting closer & closer to the launch of TBB meditation platform! Are you on the VIP waitlist yet?! Those who are on the waitlist will be the first to know about the launch & will get exclusive access to founding members pricing, huge wellness giveaways (!!), personalized one-on-ones with me, bonus content, and so much more. If you are looking for a meditation platform that has it all… you’re gonna love. I am so flipping excited.

3. The meditation platform launch got pushed a bit because of what I was doing in NY!! I have been so focused on bringing that to life, that the meditations are going to end up taking a few more weeks. I want everything to be perfect when it comes to life. From design, to sound (specifically created binaural beats just for these!), to user experience, to launch photos and beyond, I just want it to be the best experience overall that it can possibly be.

4. What are you all doing for Thanksgiving?! We will be in LA this year with Jonathan’s family. I am excited to stay in town, especially after traveling last week. I love this holiday so much. I feel like it is such a cozy time of year and really begins the season where everyone finally slows down. It’s kind of the time of year that is most aligned with living as a Reflector (in Human Design), because people actually get why we shouldn’t be go-go-go and constantly available during this time!! I love it.

5. I am still so sad over the passing of Matthew Perry!!!! I haven’t addressed it here yet but I have been SHOOK. I know I am not the only one who literally felt like I knew him, because Friends has such a special place in so many people’s hearts. I particularly became a diehard Matthew fan, even beyond his Chandler character, when I read his memoir & saw him on Diane Sawyer last year. It was so clear how much he was struggling & it just breaks me that he didn’t get to experience peace before he died. He will forever be in our hearts. I have been loving seeing the tributes from all of his former cast-mates. ♡

6. Do you guys want me to do a holiday gift guide this year?! I LOVE making them but I also feel like they’re so so overdone they’re literally a dime a dozen. But you know a TBB one will be special and massively TBB approved, holistic, magical, all the things. I am leaning toward YES but tell me your thoughts?!

7. Speaking of, if you’re looking to shop TBB merch (angel number collection hellloooo!!) for holiday gifties, we are offering 20% off this week with code SAVE20 for Black Friday / Cyber Monday! Get on it, babies!! I even ordered a bunch to give for gifts hehe. Will be doing a big giveaway with it in the soon-to-launch meditation platform for SURE!

8. I am SUPER into my Bon Charge infrared sauna blanket right now!!!! Picture this: A luxurious cocoon of warmth envelops you as infrared technology works magic to soothe your muscles and melt away stress… like, excuse me?! Imagine the detoxifying benefits that can rejuvenate your skin, promote better circulation, and boost your overall well-being — it’s amazing. I have been living in this since getting home from NYC. They’re offering an amazing 25% off sale on their Sauna Blanket — BEST time to get one! Your body and soul will thank you for it. Head to their site, and the discount will automatically apply to your order.

9. Being back in New York last week was literal magic. I stayed in Meatpacking, just a few blocks away from where I lived in the west village back when I started this blog. It was like taking a trip down memory lane. It always makes me so nostalgic to be there, and going back for the first time since pre-pandemic (WILD) & especially now that I am a mom and my life has shifted so much was really such a trip. I loved seeing all my friends and just had the best time ever.

10. Restaurant highlights in NYC this time around!!! I LOVED abcV, such a staple. It’s a must in NY and is the vegetarian, high vibrational take on the iconic ABC kitchen. I also looooved Sant Ambreous, such an amazing spot in the West Village. You feel like Carrie Bradshaw sitting outside having a leisurely midday lunch. They have a few locations but I love the one on Perry Street. At Sant Ambreous, get the salmon with mashed potatoes!! Other winners: Souen Macrobiotic (my fave of all time for true healthy food), Jack’s Wife Freda for just a good vibe in the best neighborhood (only decent food though), Barbuto in Meatpacking for a delish upscale dinner, & Morandi in the West Village for a local’s fave Italian spot.

11. For juice/smoothies in NY, Juice Press always but if I am being honest I feel like it’s gone downhill/very much commercialized since I used to live there and go daily. And for the BEST matcha with homemade cashew mylk, Dr. Smood!! They used to have decaf but apparently they don’t anymore? Honestly there were so many more places I wanted to go to but didn’t have the time on this trip!!! I had a lot of room service at my hotel because I was a worker-bee / writing machine the whole time I was there!

12. We took our family holiday card photos on Sunday!! I am SOOO excited to see them. We did them on the beach in Manhattan Beach, and it was a beautiful sunny day. Not quite the winter-y vibe I pictured on the cards but it’s very LA so I can’t complain. Attie had a blast and was so happy and cute the whole time. PS he is talking so much now I cannot get over it. It is the cutest thing in the world.

13. A bonus one today… I just got off the phone with my Chinese medicine doctor, and she is amazing. She is a true intuitive. I like to call her my psychic witch doctor. She. has helped me SO much.

How is everyone doing?!?! Love you all so much! XO & happy holidays!

So let’s just get right into it — a lot of this is repurposed from the original, but with a 2023 edition of products that I recommend + new tips and tricks I have learned.

Yes, I STILL do coffee enemas almost every day. They really, really work for me. Since I have the MTFHR gene mutation and I do not detox very well on my own for that reason, coffee enemas help give my liver and colon a boost + help eliminate everything from toxins to excess waste to mold.

Also, be sure to refer to the TIPS section below. It is important to properly hydrate and also to do coffee enemas *correctly* if you are going to do them at all. So use this post as your how-to and your big sis guide to coffee enemas. Let’s DO IT.

My first enema experience…

My first ever coffee enema experience was at Surya Spa Ayurveda about 6 years ago, during my first ever Panchakarma experience. One of the fabulous women giving me my treatment handed me a tube attached to an enema bag full of green liquid. She didn’t know I had never done an enema before so I looked at her blankly like, “What am I supposed to do with this tube?”

She smiled and said, “Ooooh, I didn’t realize it was your first time. This is an enema. You’ll stick this inside of you to cleanse your colon and remove the toxins.”

“Inside of me, like… in my butt???!”

YES.

I was hesitant at first thinking oh god what have I gotten myself into… but after inserting the tube, letting the coffee (green coffee — we’ll get to this, not like your regular old cold brew) flow in, and holding it for what seemed like FOREVER but was no more than 10 minutes, & releasing it in the toilet, I FELT LIKE A NEW WOMAN!!!!

I was then ALL ABOUT THE COFFEE ENEMAS. It never even occurred to me that I could do an enema myself at home, so I began going to Surya Spa to do them every so often. Sometimes they’d give me a coffee enema, sometimes an oil enema (also great for binding to toxins/parasites and nourishing/rehydrating the colon, as coffee enemas are more harsh) and every single time I would feel like I was GLOWING from the inside out afterward, and felt so, so clean on the inside.

Fast forward to my getting diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2018, and learning about the MTFHR genetic mutation I have that compromises my detoxification pathways (30% of people have this). Compromised detoxification pathways means that basically my organs don’t eliminate toxins the same way as other people’s bodies without the gene mutation — so being exposed to toxins, mold, pollution, etc. of any kind stays in my body and is very hard for my liver/skin/kidneys/colon/blood to filter out.

During that time I picked the coffee enemas back up as well as started to get weekly colonics. I now only do colonics about four times a year (at least in this moment) but I do coffee enemas pretty much daily at home.

Also, for anyone who thinks they may have parasites (as I do), I would say that enemas are a MUST!!

Who Are Coffee Enemas For?!

I feel that coffee enemas can be for anyone, but most of all for those of us who are sick. Chronically ill patients need to find all of the ways to detox as possible, and enemas are an effective, easy, and affordable way to do that. Especially if you are chronically ill and on a lot of medication that causes you to “herx” (have detox reactions) and to feel sluggish/ill from all the detox…. you need to be getting these excess toxins out of your body.

I know plenty of perfectly healthy people who do them as well. But if you are on any type of cleanse or detox, or living the detox LIFE as us chronically ill patients currently are, it’s important to get those toxins that are being shaken up in the body up and OUT as quickly and effectively as possible!!

In the Gerson therapy (which you may remember I studied in 2019), coffee enemas are practiced multiple times a day along with a very nutrient-dense diet and lots of fresh, cold-pressed juices every day. If you are doing the Gerson therapy, its important to note that you should be having more juices daily than coffee enemas — not the other way around.

If you don’t feel comfortable starting coffee enemas at home having never tried them before, talk to your doctor or your holistic healer about whether they are right for you. I am by no means endorsing them & telling you to do them– but shedding light on how much they have helped me in my daily quest to feel better while struggling with Lyme disease, mold poisoning, MCAS, and parasites.

Sooo… Why COFFEE?!

When we talk about coffee enemas, we are not talking about your regular old  cold brew coffee. That might be incredibly painful. We are talking about organic, light roasted, freshly ground coffee beans that will usually result in a “green coffee” type of color.

The caffeine stimulates the liver, a main organ of detoxification, to produce more bile. Bile is a bodily fluid that has a role in fat digestion and into which many toxins, both internally and externally generated, are dissolved for removal from the body out through the gall bladder, small intestine, and colon.

This causes the muscles of the bile duct to relax, opening it widely to produce a large flow of bile from the ball gladder into he small intestine. This allows the liver to rid itself of toxins quickly. Also, the theophylline and theobromine in the coffee dilate blood vessels which further increase blood flow to the liver.

The coffee also increases glutathione production in the body (very important for healing from Lyme!!) which is a key detox enzyme, by 600% to 700%!! That is via the action of the coffee’s palmitic acid. GST shuttles toxins for binding with glutathione, which neutralizes them and carries them out of the body in the bile.

For people who ask whether the caffeine will disrupt their system if they are too sensitive to drink caffeine (which I can relate to!!) I have learned that the answer to that is different for each person. I personally can’t do coffee enemas too late in the evening or they will keep me up at night. But they don’t make me super jittery when I do them in general, the way that drinking coffee does.

Technically if you have a strong gut lining (and you do not have leaky gut) then the coffee shouldn’t get into your bloodstream or go anywhere other than your colon/liver. But if you DO have leaky gut, as many of us do, then it’s likely you may feel the effects of caffeine a bit stronger.

How to do a Coffee Enema?!

Okay so I use this organic mold-free coffee which is 100% organic and has 87% more palmitic acid (important for the detox process) and I use these enema bags & if you want a reusable one, this is another great option. I prefer the non-reusable ones because I don’t have all the patience to clean it every time.

To roast the coffee, I use this French Press. Super affordable on Amazon, easy to keep clean, and has lasted me so long!! Don’t put this on the stovetop directly but rather heat up water in a pot, add the coffee, pour it into the French Press, and let it roast for about 30 mins (or even overnight) before using.

Here is a step by step process for doing the enema:

1. Boil 4+ cups of purified water on the stove. Once boiling, add in 3-4 tablespoons of organic enema coffee (I love the one I linked above) and let it steep for about 30 minutes.

2. Once boiled and steeped, pour it into the French Press (sometimes I even let mine steep in the French Press!) and allow it to cool so you don’t burn yourself. I often do this ahead of time by boiling and roasting overnight, and then adding a bit of hot water to the cooled coffee in the morning to make it a nice warm temperature.

3. Make yourself a comfy place in the bathroom to lay down. I like to lay down a towel with another towel as a little pillow, set my iPhone to some calming music or a meditation, and get the space nice and cozy. Have your enema bag ready & some lubricant, like coconut oil!

4. When you’re ready to do the enema, bring the French Press into the bathroom, press it down, and pour the coffee into your enema bag. Make sure the CLAMP is on tight so that the coffee doesn’t pour right out of the tube when you pour it in. Also make sure there are no little coffee bean granules in your bag because you don’t want to get those inside of you. The French Press mesh filter should take care of that. Lube up the end of the tube so it will go in nice and easily.

5. Lay down on your RIGHT SIDE (where the liver is!) insert the tube about 2-3 inches, with the clamp still shut. When you are nice and comfortable and ready to go, you can shift the clamp to open and let the coffee slowly flow in. The water should be Luke warm — not too hot, not too cold, this will be best for stimulating the flow of bile.

6. Hold the bag well above you (or hang it on your shower door or somewhere that works for you if you bought the kind that hangs) until the coffee has all flowed in. If you feel like the amount of liquid is too much for you, you can stop midway and do your enema in halves. (This will just take twice as long but if you have the time, that is fine!!).

7. It’s best to hold the coffee in for 10-12 minutes. If that feels totally impossible, know that you will work your way up to it!! I have had enemas that I have only been able to hold in for 30 seconds before going to the toilet to release, but other days I am fine to hold it for the full 12 minutes or more! It also depends on how much water you use and you’ll find your perfect formula for YOU.

8. Once you’re ready to release, go to the toilet & know that you may be sitting there for a while. First will come mostly liquid (usually) and then the second half of what comes out is usually denser and more bile-heavy/coming from deeper within the body/liver.

9. Once you are fully released, you should feel glowy, light, and energized!!!! Clean up your bag so that you can use it again, and if you’re like me… make more coffee immediately so you have more to use for later while you’re thinking about it!

Other important tips:

1. If you are doing enemas regularly (or at all), it’s important to take a binder of some sort. I take a charcoal binder, which binds to toxins from mold toxins to parasites and helps them eliminate easier in the process. This is the one I take, and it’s strong!! Take it the night before if you’re doing an enema in the morning, and take it act least 1 hour away from all other supplements and food.

2. If you’re doing enemas regularly it’s also important to nourish the colon so it doesn’t get dehydrated or irritated. I like to do this with oil enemas (sesame oil is great, or a personalized Ayurvedic oil if you have access to an Ayurvedic doctor), which you can hold for much longer than coffee- even overnight! The oil will also bind to toxins and rehydrate the colon.

3. Chlorophyll enemas are great to do a few hours after a coffee enema from time to time to bind to leftover toxins, cleanse the colon, and nourish/hydrate on a deep cellular level. To do this, you just use 4 cups of water with a dropper full of liquid chlorophyll, and do the enema as you would a coffee enema!

4. NOURISH your body frequently with fresh, organic, cold-pressed juices like celery, carrot, carrot-apple, and all sorts of green juices and fresh, plant based foods so that your body is replenishing the nourishment / electrolytes it is losing through the enemas. This process of nourishing & detoxing goes hand in hand — detoxing is not really safe without the important nourishment aspect.

5. I mentioned this above but be very careful of coffee bean granules getting into your enema bag!! Use a safe French Press or another method to make sure you are only getting the liquid of your coffee in your enema bag and in your body.

6. If there is air in your tube along with the coffee, it will make you gassy! Release the air by releasing the clamp and letting out a tiny bit of liquid into the sink/toilet before you begin your enema.

7. It is SAFE to do a coffee enema often while you are healing (as long as your doctor agrees), I you are properly hydrating and taking charcoal binders. Its important to supplement with healthy foods, binders, and hydration + even electrolytes (try Liquid IV, code BALANCED).

7. ENJOYYY! If you don’t like the way coffee enemas make you feel, don’t do them!! I am huge into the fact that healing is different for EVERYBODY, and while I believe deeply in coffee enemas & they have helped me tremendously, if they don’t feel healing to you… don’t do them! There are lots of ways to heal and detox and I want you to find the way that works best for YOU!

The benefits I have personally noticed are outrageous– clearer skin, MUCH clearer digestive system, less gas/bloating, less feelings of sluggishness/overall detox misery, more energy and lightness and awareness of my body. It also helps to give me a good indication of HOW I am doing internally– if my coffee enema is painful and explosive (sorry if TMI) then I know I need to be more gentle and have more rest. If it’s easy and smooth, I know I am in a good place.

Alright, there you have it!! We had to share this again because it is the most asked question that I get, and something that has helped my life and my digestion in the hugest ways.

Let’s NORMALIZE this talk of detoxing and healing even when it comes to talking about eliminating through our colons!!!! We are allllll on this path of healing together, and we’ve got this. Anything that will make us feel better and help with the healing process I am a *HUGE* fan of.

If you have any other coffee enema questions below, ask me!! I will also be having my colon hydrotherapist on the podcast in the near future I hope to answer more questions about how important it is to cleanse/detox our livers & colons. <3

Don’t worry, we’re not talking about cleansing or anything super drastic (although there is nothing wrong with that either in my opinion), but we are talking how to keep our bodies clean, clear, bright, detoxed and energized. You guys know I have all too much experience with this, as I have been healing from a wide variety of illnesses, imbalance & dis-ease for, well, most of my life.

Lately I have been back on the detox train, and I am feeling so good. Like so, so much better than I was even a month ago. After pregnancy, postpartum, and then the worst anxiety of my life (more on that in my podcast solo episodes — including an update in last week’s solo!), it was TIIIME to detox again. Majorly. So that’s what today is all about!!

Whether you are interested in feeling more energized, detoxing parasites, balancing your hormones, losing weight, longevity and being preventative, or just overall feeling better on a daily basis, I hope you find some things on this list that resonate with you!!

Let’s get into it!

*Remember, I am not a doctor so I am simply speaking from personal experience. If you want to embark on any of this and are not sure where to begin, I would recommend speaking with a functional medicine doctor or naturopath. If you have any medical conditions and are unsure of whether certain lifestyle choices like enemas/colonics/supps are right for you, consult your doctor!!

**Check out my Amazon shop page on DETOX here, to shop around and check out a bunch of the products & supplements mentioned in this post!

12 Things Tuesday, Detox Style!!

1. Remember, I am a human guinea pig! I try it ALL so that you don’t have to — unless you want to, of course! I genuinely enjoy all of this stuff and living in this healthy, calm, detoxifying way. If you don’t enjoy it or want it, you do you, but I can only speak for myself. After suffering with Lyme and various co-infections and imbalances for years, I truly believe I have found the creme de la creme of healing protocols, so that’s what you will find on this list today!

2. I know so many people in our audience are looking to balance hormones, so let me tell you about two test options you can refer to for figuring out what’s going on in your body so you can get to the root cause & go from there. First, I recommend the DUTCH hormone test (truly the gold standard for testing all of your hormones) which you can order from a functional medicine doctor who will then help you decipher your lab results. (I tank more about that in last week’s solo podcast if you’re interested!). Then, I recommend Veracity Self Care’s hormone test, which you can shop with the code BALANCED for a discount. I love that one because you don’t even need a doc to do it with, you can do it in the comfort of your own home and they will send you your results and recommend supplements from there.

3. So step one is getting to the ROOT cause!! From there, the supplement game is strong. Right now I take a combo of Chinese herbs, estrogen balancing supps, lots of magnesium, charcoal, probiotics, vitamins & more. I will do a breakdown of these specifically if you’d like me to! Let me know!

4. Now let’s get into my favorite topic: COFFEE ENEMAS! This is my tried & true post that breaks down coffee enemas for you: how to do them, where to get supplies, which brands I recommend, who they’re for, and how they work. I do coffee enemas every day right now currently because of the parasite detox I am doing. Every day may certainly be too often for many people, so listen to your body and stay very hydrated if you choose to do them often.

5. Colonics!! Similar to the coffee enema life, I am very much back into my colonics life right now. I took a little break for a while because my body was telling me to give it a rest, but once I started experiencing severe eczema/full body rashes again, I knew it was time. When toxins are rampant in the body, they will come to the surface of the skin as a last resort. I get a colonic weekly with my amazing colonic hydrotherapist (I can’t share her name here because she is very private and already booked to the high heavens), but I highly recommend finding someone near you. I love gravity colonics personally. Cleansing and detoxifying the colon, liver and gallbladder are essential for living a healthy & balanced life (especially for those of us with chronic illness or a history of dis-ease).

6. Knowing what’s going on in your body is key, especially for making sure you do the right type of detox and/or healing protocol for you. So the hormone tests I recommend above are key if you feel you’re dealing with a hormonal imbalance. If you feel you are dealing with a gut imbalance, heavy metals, mold, an infection, or all of the above, I recommend doing further testing with a functional medicine doctor or naturopath. For gut imbalances, do a stool test. For heavy metals, do a metals test (listen to Dr. Stephan Cabral on my pod for more info on this), and for mold there are various urine tests from the brand Great Plains that work best. And of course for Lyme or other infections, find a tick-borne disease specialist and go that route to figure out what is going on in your bod. <3

7. Parasites. Gross, I know. Wild. But we all have them, they’re majorly living inside of us. Some of them are harmless and they become part of our internal ecosystem as a whole. But many are not, and I have found doing a focused parasite cleanse twice a year really helps with ridding and killing parasites and keeping the gut clean. I have so many right now, it’s horrific. I am doing the brand Beyond Balance’s parasite detox blends, including their mycotoxin blend (mold), Mast Cell blend (MCAS), and Tox Ease blend. I am also taking Biocidin, because we found H Pylori in my gut which is something we obviously want to take care of. If you are doing a parasite cleanse… drink tons of water, avoid eating much sugar/grains during this time, get regular colonics and do regular enemas, take charcoal, and sweat it out in the sauna.

8. This brings me to… SAUNA! Infrared sauna is life, and when you are detoxing it is absolutely essential. While colonics/enemas/cleanses aren’t for everyone, the sauna is pretty much something I believe everyone can get on board with. Especially in small doses. I have a Clearlight Sauna at home, and you can use the code BLONDE or tell them my name on the phone to get $450 off + free shipping if you are interested in a home sauna. I also love the brand Sunlighten as another option, where you can also use the code BLONDE for a discount! Sweating regularly when you are taking these herbs and eating a clean diet is essential. If the toxins don’t have anywhere to go, then you will feel sicker while they circulate in your body. & take a charcoal binder!! (See #12). LOTS of hydration before, during, and after the sauna.

9. Mold-free everything. If you are living in a moldy environment or drinking moldy coffee, then detoxing will not be very effective because you will be re-exposing your body on a daily basis. Many of us don’t realize that we are living in mold, because it is virtually impossible to tell unless you get your home mold tested. I lived in toxic black mold (invisible behind the walls) for years and it wreaked havoc on my life, and I am still healing from that time. It’s insidious, and scary! I get our home mold-tested twice a year with a professional, and there are also online tests you can buy & send in to the labs like the ERMI. Make sure you are drinking a mold-free coffee: I recommend the brand Kion!!! 100% mold-free & trustworthy beyond. Go to getkion.com/balanced for a discount! And tune into the founder on the podcast in tomorrow’s episode!

10. Acupuncture, chiropractor, body work, breath work — take care of that precious body! When you’re detoxing, things come up. New pains, stagnant energy, emotions bubbling to the surface, stiff muscles and joints. I have experienced it all (and currently am!). Find a good bodyworker that you trust, or if you are more of an acupuncture or chiropractor person, find your practitioner of choice. If this is out of the range of possibility for you right now, do stretches at home and possibly use a foam roller. Cupping works wonders during a detox, as well. Breath work can help to release the stagnant emotions that get bubbled up, as well as meditation. <3

11. Water with lemon. This is easy-peasy and as close to free as possible. Lots of hydration is so, so key. Last week I was super dehydrated and I felt AWFUL every day while doing this parasite detox. I just couldn’t seem to get enough water in and felt extremely nauseous. I was taking magnesium but things weren’t moving through me because I wasn’t hydrated enough. Sip water throughout the day, and add lemon and pink salt for extra benefits & hydration. Also, electrolytes! I love Liquid IV, LMNT & Ultima for electrolytes.

12. Charcoal! If you are are detoxing, sitting in the sauna, taking herbs, etc. then taking a charcoal supplement of some kind is absolutely crucial. I love this one. It helps to effectively detox and rid your body of everything from mold to bile to harmful chemicals. It stops it from being reabsorbed into the bloodstream. The toxins are then passed out of the body in the stool. A binder is a total must! I also like taking clay supplements for this reason.

13. Red light!!! A lot of you have noticed the fabulous LumeBox red light that I have been using lately because it’s been all over my Instagram. You can use the code BLONDE with LumeBox to get a fantastic discount!! Red light helps with recovery, healthy skin, reduced joint pain and inflammation, mood and energy, sleep, and beyond. This one does not have harmful UV light and is very low EMF!! The BEST. <3

14. (I know, I know, I am going way over our usual list here). If you are chronically constipated… Mag O7!! Oxygenated magnesium. It will change your life. Take at night on an empty stomach with 8-12 oz of water. The water is important, otherwise it can cause tummy pain if it doesn’t get to work its magic.

Okay, that’s pretty much my holy grail list of tips, tricks, recs, habits & products for you guys!! Any questions?! What does your detox journey look like at the moment?! Check out my Amazon shop page on DETOX products for links to everything mentioned in this post!!!

If this weekly blog brings you even half as much joy to read as it brings me to write it, then I am happy.

I just want to say I am so freaking grateful for you guys. It is funny “growing up” on the internet and can sometimes make you feel kind of different than a lot of other people. Like I have never had a normal job for one thing. And my blog readers often find out things about me before even some of my closest friends. So you guys really are my friends from near and far, and you being here makes me certain that the community we have created over the last decade is really something special. <3

On that note, let’s get into this week’s 12 things! And tell me int he comments below how you are doing this week, and one of your 12 things for the week!!

12 Things, Babyyyyyy!

1. If you haven’t listened to last week’s solo episode yet, stop everything you’re doing and listen. Lol I exaggerate but for real, this is a very, very special episode to me. It’s called “It’s OK to Not Be OK” and is basically the summation of my last 12ish weeks of life. It goes deep on anxiety, panic attacks, spiritual awakening, plant medicine integration, OCD, therapy, disassociation, chronic illness, the fear of going crazy, and then some. Even if you are not typically a podcast listener, I promise this one doesn’t disappoint. If you have tuned in (or plan to), please let me know your thoughts in the comments below. It is my most vulnerable one yet but also my favorite for that very reason.

2. Many of you commented on my voice in the episode and how it sounds stronger. Funny how we sound stronger and more ourselves when we are actually BEING ourselves and we free ourselves from the masks we feel we have to wear to be liked and normal and “fit in.” I am so done with trying to fit it and I am veryyyyy excited for this era of TBB & life.

3. I have been told that this type of DGAF era is called the VILLAIN ERA (that’s what the kids are saying on TikTok, at least!) and I am HERE. FOR.IT!!! Villain era to me means living your own unique blueprint and design and not letting anyone else diminish your light. It means “don’t give a f**k” in the nicest way possible. 2023 is really about to be my villain era and I am so freaking ready for it.

4. On that note, I had an AMAZING session today with an evolutionary astrologer & 7 year cycle cosmic mapping healer named Britt Johnson. We also touched on German New Medicine (my latest obsession) and it was a full 2+ hours of goodness. She helped me see so much reflected in my chart and my path that is playing out in my life right now. She really walks the walk of a true healer, without the ego and in her highest integrity. It really inspired me and served as a reminder to me about what kind of healer I want to show up as in the world. AKA the “BS healers” and anyone who isn’t in their integrity is not gonna last much longer… Saturn in Pisces, baby.

5. Going off of that, I am in an interesting place with plant medicine right now. I have been feeling this inkling deep within that I have learned all that I am supposed to learn from the medicine(s) in this life (or at this stage in my life), and now it’s time for me to find this exact healing within myself that I have been searching for in the medicine ceremonies. This is what the healer today referred to as “Mastery.” On MY path, that is. Because all of our paths are so, so different. I have a lot more to say on this that I will be sharing soon.

6. I am reading Paris Hilton’s new memoir right now, Paris, and it is SO GOOD. I have been on a really big self-help kick lately and I just needed a fun celeb memoir to have some escapism with. It is actually very deep and VERY well-written so far, and she talks a lot about ADHD in the prologue. I am fascinated and so into it. Highly recommend if you are looking for a fun read and love celeb memoirs like me!

7. Speaking of celeb stuff, the VPR mid-season trailer, anyone!?!? I MEAN. FULL chills. I still feel horrible for Ariana that this is all happening and going down, and I am extremely eager to see the rest of the season. I wish I could binge it all in one day. And on that note, if you haven’t heard Scheana yet on TBB podcast, it’s a must.

8. I still need to tell you guys about Mexico! We had the BEST TIME EVER. Lots of highlights and photos on my Instagram if you haven’t seen. Atticus slept in bed with me and J every night which was such a fun treat because at home he sleeps in his own crib. We had so many cuddles and made so many memories, it was truly the trip of a lifetime. So grateful to my parents for taking us all to this Cabo villa of DREAMS!

9. My diet!!! I talked very openly about it in last week’s solo and it has been incredible to hear the response from so many of you. I have stepped away from the hardcore plant-based life and it has been incredibly healing for me lately. I have nothing about that lifestyle and will always have a huge love for it (and will likely go back to it one day), but right now my body is thriving on protein and being very flex and relaxed with food. This has been a game changer.

10. MARK YOUR CALENDARS because new TBB merch is coming in hot at the end of April… just in time for Mother’s Day!! No but really, this collection is going to blow you out of the water! You can shop our pre-existing collection here (and it looks like some items are on sale!!)

11. I am still caffeine-free and it has been about 10 weeks strong. I do miss my morning cup of coffee and the daily ritual that comes along with it, but I am loving how I feel without it. I feel like it is very much healing my hormones and adrenals to go without it every day. And the mental release too of knowing that I am no longer dependent on it and got over the major hump of daily headaches, caffeine withdrawals, etc. I am very proud of myself for this one. If you are contemplating a caffeine break, do it!!

12. I answered a bunch of questions on my IG story yesterday. I will save them to a highlight titled “Questions” or “Q’s!” I have so many saved there, so if you are ever bored, scroll through to go on a deep dive journey with me answering our most frequently asked questions…!

13. (I had to go over again!!) Today Atticus is 15 months old!! HOW!! My little December 21st winter solstice baby.  I feel like we truly have a little kid / toddler now rather than a baby and all I have to say about that is that time is a thief. It goes so fast. Soak it in, new mamas.

Ok, that’s it for today! I could truly go on forever. I never want to stop at just 12. Ahhhh. How are my favorite people? Tell me about you!! And I will answer your comments a lot quicker this week now that I am back in town from magical Mexico!! ALL. MY. LOVE !!!!

I am also sipping on my coffee from my NOT FROM HERE mug (!!!) & it is literally giving me life. Oh, and I am wearing my Celestial Club sweatshirt & have already had two of you come up to me this week saying you’re part of the tbb fam, recognizing the sweatshirt before even seeing that it was me hehe. I cannot tell you how much this fuels my soul & spirit — and how each and every order means SO MUCH & is SO FELT.

Keep sending me your screenshots & tagging me in your stories of you ordering/receiving your merch — it means more than you will ever !! know !! & the more we sell, the more we can do bigger collections (think SWEAT SETS) next year… so truly every single sale means the world & enhances the bigger vision for our community.

So back to the blogging frequency thing. I am not sure why but my soul felt like it needed this blog revamp & switch-up with the site in order to really get back in the flow with my regular cadence of blog posts. It’s some kind of block I have had for the last few years, also mixed in with overall lack of energy & then wild life changes (becoming a mom being the main one! podcasting, writing books, etc!) – but I want you to know I am back in action. Blogging in this way is feeding my soul again, and that’s how I know I am back to stay.

So what will the new cadence be?! I am thinking it will be 1-2 blog posts per week, so please do send in your topics. We have also made COMMENTING on blog posts easier again by moving them back to the WordPress commenting style. Please do leave comments, they’re so fun and so OG blog life, & I promise to always write back.

 My ! Current ! Diet !

Ok so let’s get into the topic of this post. My current DIET!! Everyone wants to know, and it has been a hot topic of conversation everywhere from IG to the main question people ask me when I go on podcasts, etc. And I totally get why. It was less than two years ago that I released the Celestial Diet, and posted frequently about recipes, “what I eat in a day” videos, and even lots of YouTube recipe videos with Jonathan. Not to mention I used to be The Blonde Vegan!! & then talked a lot about intuitive plant-based eating for many years.

More recently I have felt less called to talk about my diet online, which has felt really good. As my soul continues to ascend in the spiritual realms and I continue to find a deeper rooted connection of who I am at my core, I have found it more exciting to talk about things beyond food. I have also been back and forth with how I define the way that I eat during this postpartum period of my life, which is only natural because postpartum shakes up so much.

I also don’t believe so much in blanket definitions for all people in general because they can be confining & stereotypical, but in some cases they make sense — and in my life they have often made a lot of sense & are more mentally freeing than confining. However, we are all different!

I will share all the deets with you guys, and it is kind of shocking to myself that I am even doing this today. But I want to dispel the myths and also continue talking about what I genuinely care about, and weave the plant-based recipe content back into this blog and my IG slowly but surely, because I know many of you guys ask for it. & I also deeply enjoy bringing it to you! Plant-based kids recipe ebook, anyone?!

Ok, so how am I eating now?

I was very vocal about having a plant-based pregnancy, and I absolutely loved it. My body thrived, my baby thrived, I felt really good and ALL of my cravings during my pregnancy were for fruit & veggies. The only thing I had during pregnancy that wasn’t vegan was my prenatal, which had fish oil in it. As I have always said, I resonate with all sides of veganism but I prefer to use the term “plant-based” because at the end of the day I do choose certain things to put my health first. For me, that is what I have found to be the most healthy & non-dogmatic way of going about it.

Then came postpartum. Wow, was that time of life a SHOCK to my system. I found the way that my body was dumping hormones wildly (think: night sweats, panic attacks, insomnia, raging hormonal stress, pp anxiety, cravings, rashes galore) in the weeks and months postpartum to be VERY jarring. Like I said, I had a healthy & balanced pregnancy — minus the debilitating sciatica. So hormonally this was extremely tough on my body.

Also, there was breastfeeding! I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to produce a whole lot of milk due to the fact that I have had various surgeries over the years and health issues that leave my body with minimal energy leftover. And lo and behold… I was right! So while I did breastfeed Atticus for 4.5 months, it was hard on my body to do so and didn’t come with a ton of ease. I loved the act of breastfeeding, but pumping became soul sucking and also sleep depriving and well, all the difficult things you would imagine it to be.

During postpartum I developed SEVERE food aversions. It’s kind of like what people talk about in pregnancy, but I had this way more intensely postpartum. The hormonal shifts taking place in my body felt more radical than actual pregnancy did to me. One of the things that started happening for me was a massive aversion to ALL fruit & 90% of veggies that were normally my staple diet. All I could eat was bland food… bread, kitchari (my saving grace), pasta, soup… kind of like food you eat when you’re sick. And that’s how I felt a lot of the time, very queasy and nauseous. For MONTHS. Like a chronic queasiness that I actually still feel even in this moment. & a MASSIVE lack of appetite. If it weren’t for breastfeeding, I wouldn’t have been able to make myself eat at all. My appetite still feels like this postpartum.

A few times in early postpartum I tried to eat fruit because I normally love it and it’s always such an easy snack, and I would just gag every time and it would come right back up. Not an exaggeration. Now, nearly 11 months postpartum, I am JUST starting to eat bananas again. If you’ve followed me from the beginning, you know that bananas (as snacks & in smoothies) have been my MAIN food group for basically my whole life. So yes, this threw me for a loop. And when you’re breastfeeding, you have to eat. & when you can’t eat your normal foods, you have to consider switching it up. It was hard, but I had to listen.

During this time I was craving some nutrients from foods I hadn’t been eating that were completely undeniable. To be honest, I was craving animal protein. At first I ignored and ignored this feeling. And after months of not having any animal products other than some ghee, the occasional egg dish, and a horrible bout with bone broth because I simply don’t enjoy bone broth… I decided to open up my mind and incorporate some wild caught fish.

Also, make no mistake because this is not a confessional. Thankfully, the world has changed a LOT since my first book came out 8 years ago. It’s not going to break the internet that I had a little bit of fish. This was healthy for me, and goes along with my non-dogmatic approach to my life. I think where we can get in trouble and get “stuck” in things that no longer resonate for us is when we hold so tightly to labels that we over-ride our intuition. And by the way, I did branch out from there and try a few other animal foods that my body guided me to trying.

This is how it went for a few months. I slowly pulled back from talking about being plant-based as much because I always want to be 100% truthful online. But keep in mind: I have a vegan husband, a vegetarian baby, and my SOUL vibrates with the frequency of plant-based life for mind, body, soul reasons. So I always knew and felt that I would make my way back to being plant-based when my body was ready. However, rather than FIGHT my body… I wanted to be at peace with my body. Give her what she was calling for. It wasn’t a “craving” so much as a NEED. Like my body needed something different and I opened to that.

Now, this brings us to present day.

Now let’s bring us to present day. I have NOT been feeling well. Many of you guys know that. I have full body hives and recently found out I have had a staph infection that my body has been fighting without medication for almost a year. I am finally on antibiotics for it and they seem to be helping. I am also in the middle of an epic series of ketamine-assisted psychotherapy sessions that are CHANGING my life. In fact, that is what my next blog post will be about!

Anyway, the ketamine sessions keep showing me something: I am vibrating out of alignment with my soul. Even down to the way I am eating (which has not been entirely plant-based) and I hit an earth shattering realization: it’s time to return to it. In a way that feels really good. And this is for me, not for anyone else. My body has finally told me it’s ready, and for this I am very happy and very grateful.

Something specific took place recently that really put this into perspective for me. My husband is vegan and we really enjoy being plant-based together. I have been known to say it is one of my favorite things about our relationship!! Because we have so much fun cooking, exploring plant-based restaurants, and traveling the world to healthy places because of it. We also have a passion for raising our kids plant-based (at least for the time being). And I have been totally deviated from that, and that has been hard for him. The thing that happened recently showed me just how hard… and that broke me.

Without my support and basically with me floundering in the wind, it has been harder for Jonathan because rather than us as a vegan couple or vegan family — it’s been him sticking to what we believe in but with me all over the place. And when I get “all over the place” I really don’t do well mentally. That’s a whole other thing that has come up in my ketamine journeys. Not to be morbid, but a part of me has been dead inside because of the lack of energy and health issues and autoimmune concerns and I have just been coasting along this year, not being entirely one with myself and who I really am.

So, my awakening to bring me back to plant-based has felt really good. And it has brought me to this place of being able to share this journey with you today. I didn’t want to share it in the middle when I was confused, because I FELT confused. I think there is a power and a freedom to listening to our bodies and testing the waters from time to time to make sure that how we are eating is really rooted in true intuition rather than pure dogma, pattern, or pressure.

And in certain times of life, i.e. postpartum times, all options for feeling better sometimes need to be tried out. I really needed to do this for myself because I was feeling so, so, so not well in the early postpartum days. & perhaps it helped and gave me what I needed. But now, it’s no longer helping and it’s also making me feel very out of alignment with myself.

I also share this post to share with you my journey and the inner workings of my own soul! We are all so different. I really don’t encourage people to take the plant-based path because they feel like they have to or they should, but only if they want to. If you want to, it is a beautiful door & gateway to many things. From health and joy and healing and spiritual vibration to a specific way of life and beyond. But I believe in bio-individuality and different seasons of life, I really do. The diehard vegan mentality is not at all my vibe — mostly because I have seen certain vegans be so damn MEAN to other people about their diet choices and that’s not EVER what I believe in.

I believe in intuition and following the intuitive pings that live within. I believe that we all know what feels best for us, our bodies, and our specific biochemistry. Not to mention… for our souls! It feels very good for my soul to be plant-based, and I feel the most ME when I eat this way. This is also related to my astrological birth chart and my Human Design! I am such an open channel as a Reflector, such an air sign with so much air & water in my chart, and I gravitate toward the ethereal parts of life. This is all very in alignment with a plant-based life. I also love inspiring others to be plant-based, and I do feel this is a soul calling that goes beyond just this one lifetime.

And when I say I wanted to dispel the myths with this post — I got the WEIRDEST & cruelest message on Instagram last night telling me that the reason I had a harder time breastfeeding was because I wasn’t eating animal protein. The funny thing was, I was eating animal protein at that time! And didn’t post about my diet at all during that time, so this message was such an assumption, such a projection, and I will pray for that person because there was a lot of nasty energy wrapped into it. But I do feel it’s time to share all the deets with you guys.

Another thing about all of this is, I used to be the kind of person who shared all the details of my life in the middle of the shit storm. Now, I am really resonating with sharing it once I have more resolve and resolution. Because I live my life for me and not for other people’s opinions. I never wanted or needed other opinions during this time, aside from my functional medicine doctor — who was showing me that my hormones and nutrient levels were so depleted that I did need animal protein during this time. Hence, the medicinal aspect I spoke of.

With all of these medicine journeys I am now doing, I see so deeply how we are all souls having human experiences. Soul experiences cannot always be defined in one way. And in most areas of my life I am trying to get away from labels and definitions. However in this one part of life, having boundaries feels good. I think of it as a boundary and a choice rather than a rule. Recently I have been bending my boundaries way too far, and I am grateful for it because what it tipped me into made me realize I want to have a strong boundary here. For myself, my husband, and my family — but mostly for me because it all starts there. It feels empowering, not limiting. I am starting to feel like me again. <3

Plus, thanks to these ketamine journeys I am finally thinking clearer again… so I can actually make legit decisions again. & this is one of them. But that is another story for another day.

So that’s the dealio and the scoop! I am thrilled to have made my way back home to my truest self, my essence, my inner plant-based hippie crunchy mama. That is who I am. I sobbed in ketamine about wanting to get back to her, because that’s the real me. And again, this post is not a confessional. I am not feeling like I need to prove myself to anyone. It’s just a story, my story, in hopes that it will shed light on where I have been and perhaps inspire you in some way. <3

Would love your thoughts below. Please share. & let’s get a comment train going about it all!

P.S. if you shop TBB Merch today and tomorrow, you will still receive your pieces by Thanksgiving!! And now is a great time to get ahead on holiday shopping. <3 Dive in and shop here, and tell me what you are loving from the collection! Yiipppeee!

I am setting the scene for you because this vibe by the ocean makes my soul feel ALIVE. I have been in a mental and physical rut this summer, I guess we can just get into it. But now, with the onset of this new season and what I know to be a true shift having taken place within me, I am slowly beginning to feel so much more like myself. I feel like ten million bricks have been lifted off of my chest, especially with the shifts that took place after this week’s Pisces full moon. I feel like myself again, but a new self — a new me after walking through the fire. Also I am kind of like… How many times does one human have to walk through the fire?! It’s an ever-evolving part of the human journey, I supposed. But here we are.

The rut I experienced this summer was a combination of a lot of things. A lot of it was, you guessed it, pregnancy related. I love new experiences (and I PRAYED for this experience, so I am grateful no matter what) but when they have to do with my body rapidly changing and my pain and discomfort levels increasing dramatically — and then a bunch of my usual healing modalities are taken off the table — it takes me some time to adjust!! Being such a highly sensitive person in my body has definitely made all of the feelings and emotions in pregnancy feel more significant than I ever imagined they would.

So, the pregnancy updates. I am officially 27 weeks pregnant this Saturday, which means I am just a week away from being in my third trimester! HOW! I realize now more than anything that pregnancy is a journey into the soul in and of itself. This is why they say in most spiritual teachings that pregnancy is what prepares you for motherhood, because now all of the sudden the mother’s life is no longer just about her. Her body is taken over, literally and figuratively, and her every move starts to be different because now her life is about someone else — who suddenly and immediately feels so much more important and fragile in every way!

You guys, you know me. I am a rebel by design. Typically I do the opposite of what I am told. So being pregnant and now having my baby boy’s needs to put before my own, I find myself being a lot more cautious. For example, so much of what has been a huge part of my healing is not accessible for me in pregnancy. A few of those things have been infrared sauna, cryotherapy, cupping, psychedelics, ketamine IV’s, hot yoga (my daily practice since I was 14!!), medicinal mushrooms, adaptogens, International travel (I MISS YOU BALI), the list goes on. I always thought that it would be so easy to give all of that up when I got pregnant, or that I would be my usual rebellious self and do most of it anyway, but here we are. I have not felt comfortable doing any of those things, which has led me to lean into new ways of coping. Ultimately it’s been good because it’s taught me a lot to find new ways to cope, but I cannot say that it has been easy.

They say it’s common to be ultra careful in your first pregnancy, and that’s totally how I have been. I have barely even gotten on a plane in the last 7 months!! Only twice for very specific circumstances. I haven’t gotten my nails done, I didn’t touch caffeine for the first trimester, I have opted out of most large gatherings except for a few very important and special weddings, you guys get the picture! And honestly a lot of that has been a RELIEF and a breath of fresh air. I realized when I got pregnant that I was still operating under such extremely high stress at all times. Needing to be everything to everyone, to be everywhere, to make my business the best it can be, overcommit and overachieve in all the ways. Although I have slowed down a lot over the years I realized I still had/have such a long way to go.

So most of this, dare I say it, has been a very good thing! I feel like I am getting a crash course in motherhood, and I can hope in some ways that my postpartum journey may be easier (I am manifesting this) because I have gone through so many difficult emotions throughout the whole pregnancy. Who knows if this is just wishful thinking but it makes sense to me that it could be true.

I wanted to write this post because I want to tell you guys the ways that I have put myself back together again, and have found my happiness again after feeling really out of sorts for several months.

How I have found my happiness after a hard few months:

But not just found my happiness, I have found a new happiness. A stronger, more grounded, more resilient one. That is such an important thing to remember. That when we really go through the wringer, we become so much more resilient. I am not simply feeling happier now, I am feeling pretty damn unshakeable. I have seen some DARK days, between Lyme and now having a harder time adjusting to a new phase of life, and I know everyone here has been through their own type of darkness. Maybe you haven’t, and if that’s the case… maybe you’re avoiding feeling it? Lol.

I am so freaking grateful for the dark days, because they are paving way for me to see and feel and experience so much new light. This morning I felt like I was chained to my bed because my back pain was SO BAD and I also have been getting no sleep this week. I had a migraine, brain fog, pinched nerve pain radiating through my body, the whole works. It also reminded me of Lyme, which is never fun and always hard to get past. So I recognized my old pattern creeping up, “You should just stay in bed, save your energy, don’t move around because it might hurt too bad, let’s just scroll Instagram and serve the community here by posting etc etc” and I realized no, that’s the toxic pattern that I want to get out of!

So instead, I read a few chapters of a good book I am into right now and then peeled myself out of bed to do a short Melissa Wood Health prenatal flow. Key word: short. I felt like my energy had been sucked out of me into the earth before I started. I’m telling you the only thing that got me out of bed was the sheer knowing that if I stayed in bed, it was about to be a really depressing day. But then, once I got moving, and the cracks started happening in my body and my joints started loosening up, and then my heart rate rose a bit and I started to sweat… I started to feel alive again. Energetic, even! And then you know what happens from there once the endorphins start flowing. Everything starts to get better.

One huge thing I want you guys to know (especially if you have chronic illness or are having a tough pregnancy) is that you do not have to bust your ass in a workout to get the mental health benefits of an endorphin rush. You also don’t have to have any energy to start a workout. You can crawl your way onto your yoga mat next to your bed like I have done many thousands of times in my life, and just lay in child’s pose. Put on some good music. Usually, almost always, more movement will come. Even just a little bit. And it will feel amazing,

After that morning flow I felt on top of the world. I felt like the energy of the universe was flowing through me, and I started getting downloads right and left. The main download being: we are in control of our own happiness. No one else can do it for us. No one can create it for us, and no one can take it away from us. We are all in control of what makes us feel alive, and it is up to us to DO THAT and go after it.

It’s so simple, really. My personal formula for feeling good is: movement, nature, breathing, writing, gratitude, focus on people I love, presence, repeat.

If I do each of those things every day, I am happy. Today is one of those days. I did 30-ish minutes of movement, I am currently sitting outside by the beach, focusing on my breath, I wrote in my journal for an hour this afternoon, I am feeling DEEP gratitude for my life and all that it is, I have spoken to and spread love to many people I love and care about today (just via text/phone), and Jonathan is meeting me out here in Malibu for dinner tonight so I will put the tech away and just be in the MOMENT with him!

It’s sad for me to think about all of the days, both recently and throughout my life, that much of those things didn’t exist in my day to day life. When I was really sick and also really in pain from the pregnancy I convinced myself that I couldn’t move, I couldn’t exercise or walk, and that it would just make things worse to get outside and leave my bed. I definitely wasn’t focusing on my breath or affirmations, and I was feeling so low I wasn’t practicing a lot of gratitude or presence or really spending quality time with my loved ones. I will say that even on my worst days I continued writing, and that helped me so much.

This morning when I had this realization of my simple personal formula for happiness, I was elated. I cannot even tell you. I already knew all these things, but being reminded how EASY it is to feel good… and how in control I am of it and that no one else can take any of those things away from me… felt revolutionary.

If you listened to my solo episode from yesterday, then you know I have also dealt with a lot of cyber bullying this year. From huge journalists and small internet trolls alike. It has been exhausting, and has left me questioning in many ways do I even WANT a life on the internet? So the realization this morning that struck me in particular was that no one can take my happiness away from me.

When I feel aligned, when I feel free, and open, and happy, and I am putting myself first and what I need — the joy just radiates. It feels so good. And in that case, no amount of judgment or strangers hating on the internet could ever take my peace away from me.

THAT feels good.

So always remember my loves, no one can take your happiness from you + you are in control of your own happiness in every way.

If you are having a hard day, there will always be a better day to follow.

If you feel like the darkness is never-ending, do something to switch up your routine. Commit to YOU. It’s so true that the littlest things in our day are the things that have the power to change our lives.

Some other quick updates: I am feeling super inspired to let the energy of the universe flow through me right now, to create meditations for you guys, write the books that are coming through, get our home ready for baby boy, and allow these shifts permeating in my life to really take hold.

What are you excited about right now? Did you need to hear anything specific in this post that spoke to you? Let me know. Love you all so much, and cannot wait to write to you again very soon. 

I suppose I should back up for a moment here and say, in case you don’t follow me on IG or listen to my podcast, I AM PREGNANT!! I am currently 14 and a half weeks, so just inching into the beginning of my second trimester. Keeping quiet about it for the first three months was semi-torturous for someone like me, who has been sharing my life online for the greater portion of my life (yes I am counting my MySpace & Buddy Profile days in middle school, I always say I was born ready to blog, lol) but it was also a really sacred, special time. I am glad I stayed quiet about it because I really didn’t yet have the words. I would have been grasping at straws, trying to say my life is changing rapidly before my eyes & I am just trying to keep up!!

And the truth is, I still don’t have the words! I am still growing into this new version of myself, and getting used to this expanding maternal heart and immediate motherly instinct that is already running rampant inside of me. I used to find it mildly confusing and unrelatable when a woman would say, “Getting pregnant changed me completely, my heart grew instantly, my perspective on life changed entirely,” etc. but NOW I GET IT. NOWWWW I get it! Even before the baby comes, there is a spiritual initiation that takes place. It is so potent and so full of lessons & surrender, it requires your full attention. That’s where I’ve been. That’s why I have been pretty MIA.

My perspective on life has shifted. It had already shifted, so much, after having Lyme disease for the last many years. I had already slowed down immensely, let go of friendships that didn’t feel right, and let go of so many work commitments that were no longer serving me. But being pregnant, and even in the process of getting pregnant, this has all intensified tenfold. I feel like I have a little spirit guide being inside of me showing me what kind of life they want to come into, what kind of mama they want to have, and truly the kind of bullshit that simply DOESN’T matter.

I have questioned a lot so far about my day to day life. Like, do I really want to be working so much and running myself ragged when my baby comes? Noooo, I do not. I care so much about my brand and especially about the blog & you guys, but I do feel innately things are going to SHIFT big time. I am really excited (and somewhat nervous, TBH) to see how that process will unfold.

So far this is super stream of consciousness, but let’s back up here so I can tell you guys more about the journey to how we got here. PS I highly recommend listening to the podcast episode with me & Jonathan from last week to hear it ALL!

The conception process //

For years now we’ve known that we couldn’t wait to be parents. In fact Jonathan probably would have been content to become a dad before we even got married, because he was literally born to be a father. He is almost four and a half years older than me, so more of his friends are having kids and he has been ready for this stage of life for a while. And I have always DREAMED of being a mom. For a long time I thought I wanted to be a young mom (like  at 25 ish), probably because my parents were both a tad older when they had me. But then… I got sick. Very sick.

And you guys know that saga. From 2017 onward I was fighting for my life, my healing, a cure, fighting to wake up and feel even somewhat like a human on any given day. Every single day with Lyme disease I wanted to rip off my skin. Every day I felt like leaving this earth would be a better option than coping with the pain. As hellacious as it was, I remained hopeful and optimistic deep in my core, because I knew life had more to offer me. I knew one day I would get to be a mom, and that starting a family with Jonathan would be my new chapter.

And here we are. At the new chapter. It is INSANE to me to know I have come this far. Now I am crying. I don’t think I talk enough about the true trauma that Lyme was. How scary and awful and depressing it was to lose everything, to stare at the walls all day and not be able to get out of bed. But one thing above all else motivated me throughout that ENTIRE journey, and that was one day getting well enough to have babies. Healthy babies. And to be a healthy mom with my healthy babies.

Last year, 2020, was really a gift for me and my healing. The year obviously had its challenges, but finally for the first time in my adult life I was able to breathe. Not having to be anywhere, get on a plane, or force myself to show up for things I didn’t feel well enough for, allowed my body, mind, and spirit to REST. I got to go to multiple healing facilities and spend true, real, dedicated energy and time healing my body. By the end of the year, I felt like I was symptom-free and ready to actually start trying to have a baby.

Jonathan, of course, was thrilled!! So in January we started trying. And I kid you not, after our very first try, I felt pregnant. I KNEW I was pregnant. I developed morning sickness, sore boobs, food aversions, exhaustion, and beyond. I felt the baby’s spirit. I felt implantation. I felt it all. I went to my Chinese medicine doctor who is a true psychic witch AND a very talented doctor, and she confirmed the pregnancy. She even knew the gender. She told me not to get on a plane to Miami but I did it the very next day anyway (I wasn’t sure if I was ready to pause my life? But I also trusted her deep in my gut).

And before I could even take a pregnancy test or miss a period, I felt my body losing the baby. After two weeks of frantic energy, trying to take early tests, even trying to weasel my way into a super early blood test (which I did too, and it did, by all western standards, prove that I was pregnant), I felt the crushing loss of losing the baby spirit. I started bleeding the very next day. It was heartbreaking, dark, and I obviously started questioning everything.

On the one hand I knew it was my very first try, so I tried not to be completely disheartened. But on the other hand, I spent two weeks knowing with every fiber of my being that I was pregnant. It was hard not to wonder if it was Lyme that made the pregnancy not last. I wondered intensely if my body just wasn’t going to be able to rise to meet the level of hormones required for pregnancy. I wondered if my body was tainted from being sick for so long. I felt immeasurably weak… physically and emotionally from so many years of battling such a debilitating disease. I just wanted my bright moment… my light at the end of the tunnel.

In February we did not try. I wanted to, but I was completely shook from the first experience. We were also told to wait and for me to take herbs and supplements to heal more Lyme issues before we tried again. I realized I had been ignoring the reality of my health in favor of wanting to manifest it all into being good. THAT is a crushing feeling. One that my Lyme sisters and brothers will know so well. Then in March, we tried again. And I will spare you the details because the SAME thing happened.

Felt pregnant. Got it confirmed. Even found out the gender from a Chinese medicine perspective. Felt the implantation. Then started bleeding… a lot. Lost the baby. And again, it was all so early it didn’t even feel scientifically real to mourn the loss and to feel sad. I felt crushed, weak, and concerned all over again. But this time I stayed more calm, because after January I learned a LOT.

I learned that surrender is of the utmost importance when trying to conceive. That stress is not only a terrible thing for your body and mind, but that from a baby spirit perspective, they do not want to come into a stressful environment. I am not saying you will be punished by the spirits above for being stressed (not at all!!!), but I know that for MY personal journey and MY personal spiritual evolution, my baby spoke to me loud and clear. My baby was not going to come in amidst all of that stress. I was also being super controlling (even down to Astrology signs… truly) and the baby spirit spoke to me and showed me that I had to let ALL of that go in order for them to be open to coming through.

So in April, we tried again. I had millions of conflicting opinions at that point coming in from the Lyme world, Chinese medicine world, family world, friends, etc. — “Try! Don’t try! Just try!! Now is not a good time to try!! Just take your time!! Why not just try?” and I VERY much had to tune out all of that noise and just do what felt right for our family. And what felt right to me and to Jonathan was to try. Particularly for me and the spiritual connection I feel to our baby, I knew that not trying was testing fate. I kept saying that to him. That if we didn’t try… we were messing with something that felt like it was supposed to be happening.

So we tried!! I surrendered all month. I didn’t think I was pregnant. I didn’t feel pregnant, and I didn’t feel implantation. I went to Palm Springs for one of my best friend’s birthdays. I was supposed to get my period that Friday. I got a horrible migraine, usually indicating that my period was coming. It didn’t come. The next day, it didn’t either. Same with the next day.

At that point I knew I was pregnant. I felt nauseous, dizzy, and jittery in Palm Springs. I felt extremely excited and started realizing — THIS IS HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO FEEL!! What I felt before was the lead up. The prep. I knew in my bones that for me personally… it was supposed to be this way. My body was trying to get used to it, and it finally felt like it was ready. The baby spirit was ready too.

I didn’t take a test in Palm Springs because I was pretty traumatized from taking them too early in the previous months. I jetted home Sunday morning and took a test in the comfort of my own home, with Huddy nearby, and IT. WAS. POSITIVE!!!!!

It’s hard to explain how I felt when I saw that positive test. I was both serenely calm and absolutely ecstatic. I was emotional, proud of my body, and in a vortex of time and feeling where I was realizing — I am out of the woods. I am out of my own personal HELL. This is the break I have been waiting for. This is what I have wanted my entire life. All of that mixed with disbelief and mild terror that it wasn’t going to last… all the while with a DEEP knowing that this baby was here to stay. THAT is how it felt.

I filmed myself finding out, which you can see here!! Then I waited an entire week to tell Jonathan (more on that in our podcast episode) because he was out of town and I told him in person. I will do a whole post on how I told him and his reaction next! It’s about time I share his reaction!!!

Heading into the second trimester //

The first trimester was full of FIRSTS. Hearing the heartbeat (most amazing moment), supplements, blood work, experiencing food aversions, cravings, bagels and fruit every day, delving deep into pregnancy nutrition / listening to a lot of opinions & then deciding that my plant based, vegan ways are serving me and this baby just perfectly.

At the end of the first trimester I developed HORRIFIC sciatica. I’m talking like an 11 out of 10 pain. I thought MAYBE that’s what 40 weeks pregnant would feel like. Searing pain in my lower back and down my butt and legs that made it impossible to walk or move!! So that was a lesson in slowing down and listening to my body all over again, and not comparing myself to anyone else. Because typically they say at the beginning of the second trimester you’ll feel AMAZING, have bundles of energy, want to work out, etc. and I just felt like death.

But it seems to be easing up now. Daily yoga and some pilates is helping. I have an incredible Doula and an amazing OBGYN (the same doctor who did my fibroid surgery). I am so holistic when it comes to my own health, but with baby I have been surprisingly CAUTIOUS and leaning into a lot of comfort from both western & eastern medicine. It feels really nice to have the influence of both.

I shocked myself with how cautious I have been! I didn’t even get on a plane in my first trimester because every fiber of my being told me to stay GROUNDED for baby and for me. I am really proud of myself for listening to that intuitive voice.

Most of all it’s been such a special time for me and Jonathan (and Huddy!). Savoring these moments as a family of three, and having our freedom as a couple, has been really special. He has been a saint the entire time… but that is nothing new, because pregnancy compared to Lyme has been a breeze for us both. Well, not a BREEZE in every moment, but it’s basically incomparable.

My latest thing is that I just found out I am a carrier for the Tay Sachs genetic mutation. I had never even heard of it until pregnancy. We are waiting for Jonathan’s results and if he is NOT a carrier, we are 100% fine. If he is, we will have to do quite a bit of further genetic testing for the baby. I am nervous but also really hopeful and optimistic — I really feel in my core that this baby is STRONG & healthy. If you’ve been through something similar, I’d love to hear from you. Send good vibes either way!!

Soon I cannot wait to share the gender with you guys when that feels right. What I will say for now is that I have known for years which gender would come through as my first baby…. and I feel like I know the spirit and soul so well already, through lifetimes.

I have SO MUCH more to say, but I will take a pause here. I have loved learning from fellow mamas, people in our TBB community, and those of you who are also pregnant. It feels like such a miracle to be on this journey with such a big handful of you out there. But I am not surprised — I have always felt like our community has evolved together and it’s so cool to see many of you in this same space in life.

I also want to say, if you are trying to conceive and struggling, I am sending you so much love. I pray for you every day. I feel very lucky that our process was not very long and drawn out, but in some ways I feel like my 5 years of Lyme healing were all PREP for this moment in time. I spent years agonizing and wondering if this would be a possibility for me in my body. So I share all of this openly with you guys to show that it is POSSIBLE! Healing is real!!! I feel symptom-free from Lyme and I know, know, know that this baby is healthy. All tests so far point to health. :)))

MORE TO COME SOON. It feels odd to cut it off here, but tomorrow there is a new Pregnancy Q&A up on the podcast that I cannot wait for you to hear that goes even deeper!! Love taking you guys along for this journey and feel so blessed to have you guys as our friends and fam from all over the world. <3

Any questions?! I am happy to answer anything! Love you guys so much and so so grateful to be able to share this journey with you. Now that I am finally blogging about it, expect lots more updates. Also request any topics 

You can read all about it here on our gorgeous celestial page, OR just simply go here to purchase if it’s already calling you & you know it should be youuuurs! Obvi you know the 2-0-1 reference if you have followed me for a long time, and it’s only fitting in every single way. & before we dive in, I want you to know that I am hosting this program LIVE from June 7th – June 13th, and now is your time to join! The cart will close on June 6th — will you join us? 

So! It’s here! I am elated and over the moon and I don’t even have words because it doesn’t feel real that something that has been brewing in my mind, body and heart for so long could finally be HERE. Like, here-here to the point where you guys can DO it, immerse yourself in the lifestyle, start living your celestial life, & feel amazing in your bodies, hearts, minds and souls while becoming the purest channels possible.

I’m not sure how to begin explaining just how important this program & lifestyle is to me, because to do so I would definitely have to back up a bit to let you know more about how this year has been for me. Or the last few years really. So let’s reverse & I will share that with you.

Story Time For You…

I have had some DARK days this year. Really, I have had some dark days over the course of healing from Lyme in general for the last 5+ years… but this year something just hit different. January, Feb, March… I really felt so bleh, so stagnant, and just had an overall cloudy feeling of sadness around me. You can ask my husband & family – I had breakdown after breakdown there for a while. I cried every day. I just felt like my life and my path was becoming so muddled, I felt violated by the media (#horrificdarkness in the world), and I just wasn’t aligned with what my MISSION and my message was anymore.

To be honest I considered stepping back from social media altogether and writing fiction under a pen-name to just have my sanity, peace and joy back again.

Meanwhile, I was working away on the Celestial program, but wasn’t taking it that seriously. Every day new downloads would come into my mind about it, I would journal about them, and then I would go on with my day. My close friends that I had shared about the Celestial Diet & Lifestyle with (shoutout to Kenzie Burke, Krista Ripma, Jenna Zoe, & Nikki Novo to name a few) stayed ON me about bringing this program to life, because they knew I was in a creative rut and was going through a really rough time personally & emotionally.

But for a while I somehow felt paralyzed when it came to beginning to put pen to paper, and bring the new, gorgeous, ethereal, elevated cosmic chic vibe to life, because it was a NEW VIBE for me. It meant in a way, the death of my old self. An ego death to the highest degree. No longer could I bop along under the radar as the “influencer/podcaster/talk about other brands for a living/healing but not healed” kind of girl I had been for so long — no, this required me to step up. This required a HEALED, elevated, buttoned up, embodied version of me. This required me to step into the role of spiritual teacher that I had known myself to be for so long, but had been shying away from.

Basically, what this year has been for me so far is a lot of growing pains. The pangs and discomforts of stepping into a BRAND new, enlivened, elevated & grown up version of ME. It really required me to let go of and step away from who I was for most of my 20’s, and really embody the lessons that I learned throughout my healing journey (the path of the wounded healer, that is for sure) and embrace who I am being called to be now, and what I am being called to share now.

Then, the weekend of March 25th, everything changed. I was staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel with my dear friend Kenzie for her birthday, and the entire Celestial Diet  & Lifestyle 7-Day Program poured out of me. It was truly miraculous. I mean like, the entire thing.

Then I spent the next month or so (let’s be real, I was still editing the final touches THIS MORNING because I am an uber perfectionist to the millionth degree!) fleshing it out, refining it, unleveling it, and then bringing it to life with my designers, assistants, editors and marketing team.

Honestly, so many people worked their magic on this program. My designer Anelise is a godsend and brought my *extremely specific* elevated chic cosmic celestial vibe to LIFE in the program. The rest of my team supported in everything imaginable from edits to strategy to imagery and beyond, and here we are today.

We are LIVE! And I can honestly say the 2021 blues that I was experiencing have vanished. Not just because it’s time for this program to launch, but because I had to work through my own deep inner process to FULLY embody and embrace where I am now and come out on the other side. There is a reason I couldn’t launch this in January (beyond the fact that it wasn’t written yet — because even if it was, I wasn’t there yet), and it’s the same reason I didn’t go through with my website rebrand as planned at that time. I. Just. Wasn’t. There. Yet. I had to truly surrender and trust the process, and BELIEVE in the Universe when the Universe told me that I would be there soon. 

And that my friends, is one of the hardest things to do! To trust that things WILL change and good things ARE coming even when it’s not the time for them to come yet.

So my hope is that, with the launch of this program out in the world, the Celestial Diet & Lifestyle Program will help you align with your truest you, and help you kick the blues (if you feel them) in a more accelerated fashion than I did. Because I am a human guinea pig, I am the one who goes through it, so you don’t have to! Or so that you don’t have to hit the same rock bottoms that I do. From a nutrition, meditation, spirituality, mind + body + spirit perspective – this program is a game-changer and it is for you.

So what will you find in the program?!

 A detailed SOS-free & plant-based 7-day meal plan (breakfast, lunch + dinner daily, & bonus recipes!)

A deep dive into the 7 pillars of the Celestial Diet & Lifestyle (Intuition & Healing, Detox, Anti-Inflammatory & Cruelty-Free Life, Awakening, Movement, Nature, Frequency & Ascension)

 Journaling prompts for each pillar & each day of the program — these are so special & I cannot wait for you to dive into these.

 NINE exclusive guided audio meditations (that you can listen to like a podcast!!) — not going to lie these are the BEST PART other than the gorgeous visuals.

 Guidance into channeling, awakening, ascending and so, so much more!

 Two live calls with me, daily accountability emails, & a big group of likeminded humans to go on this 7 day journey with! From June 7th – 13th!!! Plus, if you sign up today, you will be entered into a giveaway to win over $500 worth of wellness & spirituality products. TODAY only to celebrate our kickoff!!

I mean… I don’t think I have ever been this excited about something ever. Because not only does it represent the culmination of all that I have learned & experienced over the last several years of healing, but it also symbolizes where I am going. Where TBB is going. And where our whole TBB fam is going. So if you want to & are ready to get on board with this whole new vibe, new birth, new ENERGY & fifth dimensional frequency, this is the way to do it.

Nutrition. Meditation. Journaling. Spirituality. Pillars. Awakening. Ultimate Joy. Repeat.

Whoooo is in!??! Go HERE to join us, & HERE to learn more (& then join us)!

My hope is that you will be able to do this program again and again. As a reminder, I will be hosting the program LIVE for 7 days from June 7th – June 13th, and our two live calls will be on June 7th & June 13th. 7 days of simplicity. 7 days of joy. 7 days of returning to your most magical, truest, you-est YOU.

Any questions?! Leave them below! EEK SO EXCITED !!! Love you all so, so much. Thank you for making this ream reality possible for me.

When they go low, we go high. This article is not to slam anyone or wage any type of war. It’s to draw a BOUNDARY both energetically and physically, and to hopefully help the world by adding to the conversation that enough is enough. We are so sick and tired of the media’s boring & cruel agenda to tear women down, mostly by lying entirely. This post is about true spirituality — which means standing up for what’s right. This is an open letter to all of the journalists who have fucked with me, the industry I love, so many humans I love, and so many powerful women I admire.

Once you read this article I encourage you not to slam the writer of this hit piece (it may be hard not to ) or even go and read the piece, but rather to second guess clicking on click bait articles that tear down women. Corporate media is dying and they are truly and profoundly stopping at NOTHING to stay relevant. It’s sad and embarrassing for them. We here in TBB community are warriors of the LIGHT & we don’t have time for this shit. Somehow I was dragged and sucked into it yet again, and I used to wonder WHY am I so polarizing? All I want is health and happiness for all living beings… lol. But I know why: people who are filled with light are always going to be confronting MIRRORS for people who are sad, sick, unhappy, and mentally disturbed.

So here we are, this has not happened to our community but FOR our community, and if it happened so that this important conversation could be facilitated then I’ll be damned if I don’t write about it. We all know the darkness will never win, and this darkness is something these sad humans will have to deal with day in & day out for eternity… while this is just a blip on our radar. In a way it’s almost comical, but what’s not comical is how deeply this affects women’s mental health (mine included for many years) to be the butt of a cruel joke they have nothing to do with.

So let’s back up for a moment. Last night it it was brought to my attention that there was a hit piece written in a major mainstream publication using my name and likeness for click bait. Nothing new, right? In the last 8 years I have been dragged through the media and have had words put in my mouth about so many topics that are truly BORING AF but are made to sound salacious because of the desperation of the dying form of art otherwise known as journalism. For example, in 2014 I was vegan and then ate some eggs and had headlines all over the global news for FIVE YEARS titled: “Veganism almost killed this woman.”

And then there was the time I stupidly spoke to a journalist at great length about my battle with Lyme disease, and even connected her to my Lyme doctor for deeper references & the science behind Lyme, and she included us both in a hit piece about “the cult of Lyme disease.” In the article she implied that women with Lyme were suffering from nothing but mental health issues and needed psychiatric help. When I read that piece, it was terrifying & heartbreaking to realize how corrupt humanity had become. Luckily, global readership has come a long way and it was pretty obvious by then (even two years ago) that people no longer bought into the bullshit. Floods of support came through and it really restored my faith that the greater collective of humans out there were beginning to UNDERSTAND that most “journalism” is a lie.

From there I have never spoken to a journalist again. Shockingly, that doesn’t stop them from writing about me (and so many others) in unsolicited, grotesque, painfully untrue and salacious ways. This latest hit piece was a real doozy. Not just for me, forget me, but for wellness in general. Wellness, my friends, is not rooted in darkness. It’s quite literally the opposite, and because everyone knows that, the media will stop at nothing to tear it down. People are SO threatened by the light it’s truly sickening. Like all industries, wellness has its snakes that talk nonsense (fucking duh because we live in a fucked up world), but overall wellness is a beautiful lifestyle & industry that makes the world & people’s lives a better place. “Wellness influencers,” bloggers, health coaches, functional medicine doctors, holistic healers, and any & all people living in the light have nothing to gain financially by drinking green juice, trying alternative health methods, and sharing it online. Literally nothing to gain except the one important thing we care about most which is people being HEALTHY & HAPPY & EDUCATED & AWARE.

I was actually contacted about this recent disgusting piece about “vaccines” by the writer about two months ago and I told her in no uncertain terms that I would not be speaking to her, had no interest in being a part of the article, hoped that her piece would be lovely (because I’m a nice person and I am endlessly hopeful that people & media corporations will do better), and said I have no interest because “I have been so misrepresented, misquoted and attacked in the media in the past so I am extremely careful.” Well folks, she never responded and then went on to write a hit piece without actually ever speaking to me once. She had no qualms about using my name and likeness publicly and with wild abandon even after I told her not to, but the people she quoted who “spoke about me” (I actually have to wonder if this is the writer Hayley herself) have had their names changed for their own privacy.

I will not link the article because I’m fairly certain it already has more clicks and reads than any other piece on their site due to the valid outrage from the entire wellness community — for example, their Instagram photo promoting the piece has 3,000 real human comments (that are all fucking awesome), and their typical Instagram photo has less than 5 comments, from robots no less. Do you see why the media drags innocent people who are interesting, like us?!?! It gives them clicks, which makes them money, which keeps food on their writer’s tables, all at the expense of attacking, lying, bullying, shaming, and spreading lies. Literally. THAT is the world we live in.

So even though I am not linking the article let’s address it for a moment. In it I am called a “whitewashed privileged anti vaccine, science denialism activist” among so many other things, and my green smoothie recipe is also used as the click bait intro to the article which ok ok I am flattered by HMMMM. Ok so I have a lot to say about this. 

1. How fucking yawn is it that they had to use the term “whitewashed”? White… washed? Because now the simple act of MENTIONING that a woman is white means that the media has a right to tell them they’re an awful human being. (I have absolutely no reason to deny that I am white & that I have all of the privileges that come along with that & do the best I can every single day to make the world a fairer and more just place. Just because I am white does not mean that I am automatically a conspiracy theorist who denounces science. It’s such a reach it’s laughable. What in the actual *&@&$*W!!!!!)

2. I am not anti vaccine. This writer went back into the archives of my podcast to find a Q&A in which I mentioned that I PERSONALLY am not planning to get the C19 vaccine “at this time.” I also stated that I would not speak further on the subject because I would prefer to have a DOCTOR on the show to speak on it scientifically. Vaccines are not for everyone, period. & it’s certainly not for me to PROMOTE getting it or not getting it. Some people (like myself) have genetic mutations that make vaccines very difficult to assimilate & this is proven science. Nothing woo-woo about it. Could I still change my mind? Yes!! I am as open minded as they come & I am not anti anything.

People with chronic illness have to look at things differently and I genuinely believe mostly everyone in the world realizes that. We are extra careful and are not typically first in line to get vaccines. But we don’t discourage anyone from getting a vaccine who wants to! That’s just so not me. Chronic illness adds a whole different layer to things. Vaccines can affect people with chronic disease differently, and that has NOTHING to do with any conspiracy theorists!!!!! Many people are hesitant to get the vaccine and most (99%) are not affiliated with conspiracies. Everyone has their OWN reasons.

This is a sensitive topic that people should decide for themselves. Unfortunately the press and our government make it hard to simply get the FACTS.

My family has been vaccinated. I support them. I encouraged them to receive the vaccine, because they wanted to!!! I don’t care what other people do because it doesn’t concern me. I was a vaccinated child and teenager. There is nothing about me that is “anti vax” just because in one podcast episode, one time, I said I would not personally be first in line to receive the Covid vaccine. To label someone an “anti vaxxer” in this day and age who is not that is so ridiculously low, because we all know it comes along with the labels of “she’s a quack, she’s craaaaazy, she’s one of those deniers!” Please if you want to get the vaccine, get the vaccine. If you want to, I want you to, and I get it. Do what you please. Always!

3. I am not a science denialist. This is laughable. I am so intrigued by science — I am currently reading a book about the physics of the inter-dimensionality of time. It’s wildly fascinating. I’m reading another book about the history of physics and how it relates to spirituality. It’s way more fascinating than a hit piece written by a writer that hates women. Point blank, there is nothing on my page or podcast or blog that could be used to say that I am a denialist of science. Also, it’s no secret that big pharma is corrupt in general and that’s an actual fact. A FACT.

4. To tie me in with conspiracy theories / Q anon is an actual joke as well. I have publicly stated many times that Q anon is not only something I am not affiliated with, it is dangerous and is taking away from real issues that need to be discussed. I have a whole podcast episode on this with Marianne Williamson where I state multiple times that these conspiracies are dangerous & scary. The whole rhetoric of trying to tie in every healthy person who is interested in wellness or rooted in the wellness industry WITH conspiracy theorists is just wrong and people see right through it at this point. 

5. There is no such thing as the dark underbelly of wellness. Like I said, there are corrupt people in every industry, in every walk of life, in every space, and there will be for all of time. What we should really be highlighting is the dark underbelly of journalism. Think about the mental health concerns of women who have been dragged in the media to absolutely no avail — Britney Spears, Meghan Markle, Mia Farrow, Princess Diana, Amanda Bynes, Jessica Simpson, Demi Lovato, Amy Winehouse — I could go on. MENTAL HEALTH is what I am concerned about at this point and I am just grateful to be in a place where I can handle this level of hate in the media and not want to crawl into a hole and die.

6. The most hilarious thing about the article is that the first line is, “You could say it all began with a smoothie.” She then goes on to describe the ingredients in one of my cinnamon spirulina bowls I posted about a handful of years ago. LMAO. Is this an article about my successful recipe developing or… about the dark side of wellness? I’m waiting…

7. The media outlet that wrote this article is not a health outlet. They are a fashion magazine. Do we see and understand how corrupt the media is yet? Do we understand that they are feeding lies into the world in any way, shape or form they can find at this point? Because they are threatened by the light and everything the light entails…

8. The writer of this article also wrote a hit piece about Britney Spears and likened Britney supporters to Q anon conspiracy theories, but “celebrity-obsessed” ones. So it’s clear that this writer is threatened by powerful women, has a serious issue with all things conspiracy, will go to great lengths to compare everything she comes across to Q anon, and has no problem tearing down a woman who has been slaughtered by the media for her entire career which almost cost her her life & did cost her her career and her children (Britney).

9. At the end of the day I really want to thank this writer because these are serious, SERIOUS conversations we need to be having about the sickness of the media and I am happy to have them here on my platform. The media can no longer get away with this bullying, lying, anti-EVERYONE that doesn’t FALL INTO LINE exactly the way they are told to rhetoric, and also the media cannot get away with tearing apart women who have struggled. It’s undeniable that Britney has struggled with her mental health. I have struggled with my physical health. I have never one “promoted” my Lyme healing protocols, in fact I go to great lengths to always say, “this is what works for me and please don’t do this at home.”

10. I have never promoted any of the things that this article has said I promoted, not one, and if that’s not enough factual evidence to show you that media is strictly propaganda skewed toward what they want you to believe, then I really don’t have anything further to say.

11. Thank you for the free press yet again because honestly to be the introductory 5 paragraphs to an article I had absolutely nothing to do with and have absolutely no relevance to the topic at hand is actually flattering.

12. I know this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with how people threatened are by the light, so don’t worry I am level headed enough to KNOW THIS. This is still a boundary I am drawing and this boundary is deeply important. I have witnessed my friends get slaughtered as well as myself and I am just done.

13. Wellness has been a threat for as long as I can remember. Because the truth is, healthy people don’t make money for corporations or big Pharma. Period. Think about this. What DO we make though? Glowing, healthy, happy, radiant lives… so dangerous.

I could go on, but the truth is… I am realizing something more and more with every passing day… we who live in the light, spread the light, and radically LIVE & BREATHE the light, are going to be scrutinized by people who live in the darkness every damn day until they wake up. What I know for a fact is that I will no longer let the media use my name for their senseless propaganda and as I have shared on my Instagram, am in the midst of taking legal action.

What I want YOU to know if you are here reading, is that it’s worth it to live in the light. It’s worth it to be a person who shares their truth, goes against the grain at times, and is an actual thinking human rather than a robot who is out of touch with their feelings & reality. No one here is anti science. No one here is a conspiracy theorist. We are just honest, hardworking, light-filled people who live healthy lives and make choices for ourselves and support others who make choices for THEMselves.

The content of the article aside, how is this okay???? How is it okay for the media to do what they do, and make money off of it at the same time? I literally don’t know how these individuals sleep at night, but what I do know is that we as a collective and a community and every woman who has been slighted by the mainstream… will rise above it. We are here to rise above it. And in doing so we will make a dent and change the world for real, I really do believe that.

And also, if you did find your way to the article itself, do yourself a favor and read the comments on the IG post posted by the publication it’s phenomenal to see not a single comment supporting the article itself. There are thousands of people who are awake, open minded, and living their damn lives who know that the media at this point is full propaganda and cruelty.

FINAL WORDS: I AM FILLED WITH HOPE & COURAGE!! So many people are awake and kind and full of love. THANK YOU to the hundreds of you who have reached out and supported on social media, email, DM, text message, etc. Last night I had dinner with a friend and looked down at my phone to over 100 text messages from friends near and far offering support. THAT restores my faith in humanity. That made my heart happier than words could ever say… and gives me hope for this world because lightness always overcomes the dark.

& as with all things like this that happen, NOT saying anything about this craziness also speaks volumes to me. There is not a single person I work with that hasn’t reached out (my podcast team, my TBB team, my designers and copywriters and photographers), and that shows me what an incredible, supportive, light-filled team I have surrounding me. Every kind comment, re-share, or post of your own about this narrative helps because it adds light to a conversation that has otherwise been very dark. I am consistently reminded how full of light this world is and that is thanks to you guys. Let’s keep doing this good work of being good humans who don’t slander people.

I love you all — and back to regularly scheduled programming from here on out.

Actually, for all of 2021 it feels like I have been in a bit of a tornado. In true Jordan fashion I really started off the year with a bang. I wanted to cram everything & I mean EVERYTHING into January 2021. Travel, buy our first home, write a book, create the Celestial Diet program, rebrand my website, get trained in plant medicine + astrology + hone in on my intuitive gifts with psychic abilities, take care of my health with a brand new detox protocol (which happens to be a full time job on its own), prepare my body for motherhood… the list goes on. Would you believe me if I said that wasn’t even the half of it?

Not to mention, like many people in the world I did not see my family for the entire winter. My parents both had COVID for 8 weeks so Jonathan and I had a quiet little Thanksgiving & Christmas just us, and in January we were finally reunited with my family and I wanted to soak in all of the time with them and celebrate their health. Also, my Lyme symptoms started flaring really terribly in early Jan which sent me into full PTSD mode & terror of the pain. The pain got really, really bad, and then got heightened by the anxiety & vice versa. Ah!

So as you can imagine by mid January it felt like I was having a full blown identity crisis. I wanted to do ALL OF THESE THINGS & for some reason I felt like time was running out. I started having panic attacks every day, and my mind really started spinning & telling myself stories that really were not true. I felt like people I loved were mad at me for simply EXISTING. The stories in my mind got so intense I stopped being able to sleep which then affected my hormones and of course… my happiness + sanity.

So when I say 2021 has been intense for me so so far, I really mean it. Like so intense I can hardly return text messages let alone phone calls. I realize so much of this is in my control at the end of the day and for that I am very grateful. It is not lost on me that I have the privilege & power within me to shift my life and routine and get help for my anxiety & dis-ease — so this is not a post to complain. It’s more of a post to spill my brain about where I have been and what living with debilitating anxiety can look like.

As for how I have been dealing with my anxiety? I have learned so many tips and tricks along the way and for the love of God I HOPE they will help at least a handful of you reading because if I can turn this pain into a purpose I will be elated.

First of all I should say… my husband is a saint. A SAINT. Whether I have been mid panic attack or bouncing off the walls with joy and then collapsing into a puddle of tears seconds later, he has been my rock. He speaks beautiful, affirming words into my heart and soul daily. He tells me, “You’re not sick. You’re healing. You are perfect and powerful and beautiful. You are not behind. Everything is right on time.”

He fills up a huge glass of water for me every night and brings me coffee first thing in the morning, he pulls the curtains aside so I can see the sunrise and he does my laundry / cleans our whole home when I’m feeling down & unable to pitch in. He surprises me & books us little getaways when he knows LA is too much for me, and he brings flowers home multiple nights a week just because. On an emotional level… he is the most stable, sturdy, ROCK of all time. I started calling him my “pocket boy” because I just want to put him in my pocket & carry him around with me forever & ever. (I made a song about pocket boy too… if you guys ever wanna hear it LMK ;)).

So if you are struggling with anxiety my very top tip is to be super open with at least one person in your life (mine is Jonathan for sure) who you trust whole heartedly, and allow them to be there for you. Accept help. Accept LOVE. That is step number one.

Number two, remember that at the end of the day we have the power to shift our reality.

The power of the MIND is huge. I am reading a lot of Louise Hay right now, and she talks about the simplicity of daily affirmations, shifting the mind, positive self talk, loving kindness mediations, clearing the mind, and reframing our thoughts. I realized that every morning when I woke up I was immediately berating myself with negative self talk. Me, the self help writer! Me, the spiritual teacher! Yes, BERATING myself.

I swear, every morning I was telling myself I was guilty of this or that, this person was mad at me for this or that, I’m lazy, I can’t focus, I will never heal, the list goes on. So I REALLY put a stop to that over the last few weeks. I speak loving words to myself and when my thoughts go dark, I consciously choose again. I have been doing loving kindness mediations, where I first send love to myself, then someone I love, then someone who I am neutral with, then someone who triggers me, & holy shit this is a game changer. I will have to do a whole podcast ep on this.

Beginning to do this made me feel extremely at peace, because I remembered what I know in my heart to be true: I am a good person. A good friend. A good wife, daughter, sister, aunt, blogger, cat mama, human. Anything else my mind tries to tell me is untrue and gives me absolutely no credit for the beauty and goodness in my heart. I have so much love in my heart for others it could burst! I give that love freely every day, even when I feel like shit. It breaks my heart in half that I have spoken such mean things to myself for so long. I am a good person, and so are you. We are all doing the best we can.

I am honestly so happy that life has dealt me this experience this year for my anxiety to get so bad, because I feel like I am becoming a wizard of the mind. Seriously. I feel like I am learning to reframe anything / everything and it is bringing me so much peace & joy. It is making me a better person and a better teacher. I do not get caught up in fear stories anymore (or at least I TRY as hard as I can) & it’s such a better way to live life.

On a physical level, I started taking many supplements, homeopathics & flower remedies for anxiety. My favorite right now is a homeopathic called CALM FIVE. My Chinese medicine doctor put me on 50 drops a day and it has been surreal & life changing. I am also deep in a mold & Lyme detox (yes, again) so getting all of that shit out of my body is helping my brain feel less inflamed, which inevitably makes me feel happier & more at peace (and also more tired but that’s ok).

Another thing that is really helping me is JUST STARTING so much of the shit that I was procrastinating. I really feel so many of us know what we wan but we are terrified to do it / start it. We started taking small steps toward looking for a house, I started my memoir, I began talking about the Celestial Diet on the podcast, I booked a month with my designer to rebrand my site (but we are waiting til Summer because I realized my rushing was just causing tons of anxiety), I reached out to my mentor to work on my psychic gifts with her weekly, I made a commitment to see my TCM twice a week to keep healing. I am no longer putting my life off. I am LIVING it.

I really feel so much of anxiety stems from not being willing to live in the present moment. The present moment is the only place where life exists. Anything else is merely future tripping or past obsessing. That gets us nowhere.

I am also doing daily mediation, breath work, and really embracing the art of rest. SPECIFICALLY Joe Dispenza meditations daily as well as Gabby Bernstein sprinkled in there. I am also recording a lot of my own meditations for you guys that we will be releasing soon.  When I don’t rest & put so much pressure on myself to “do” & perform in many ways, my calm goes out the window.

Ultimately I have made the commitment to love myself first. I have so many more specific stories to share with you guys about this. Two in particular. I think that will be my next post!! Do you find these tips helpful for anxiety? LMK below. XX

Also, I MISS blogging SO MUCH. I miss treating my blog like my diary. Talking to you guys in this way and doing good old fashioned heart spills. I also started putting so much pressure on myself for e very post to be life changing, that I stopped sharing my heart in the way that really means the most to me. So here is my commitment to doing exactly that. Let me know what you guys want to see below & I would really like to start posting a few times a week again.  This is my home & my hub for life — I LOVE you guys to the moon & back.