HI & LIFE UPDATES & Dealing with Anxiety
Hello my angels! Happy March! It has been a while since my last blog post & for that I want to say — I have been all OVER the damn place in my mind for the last month (it’s been exactly one month since my last post actually). It’s been hard to even get on the blog and give any life updates because Aquarius season… and now Pisces season… have both been a vortex of emotions & life happenings & deep awakenings in a big way.
Actually, for all of 2021 it feels like I have been in a bit of a tornado. In true Jordan fashion I really started off the year with a bang. I wanted to cram everything & I mean EVERYTHING into January 2021. Travel, buy our first home, write a book, create the Celestial Diet program, rebrand my website, get trained in plant medicine + astrology + hone in on my intuitive gifts with psychic abilities, take care of my health with a brand new detox protocol (which happens to be a full time job on its own), prepare my body for motherhood… the list goes on. Would you believe me if I said that wasn’t even the half of it?
Not to mention, like many people in the world I did not see my family for the entire winter. My parents both had COVID for 8 weeks so Jonathan and I had a quiet little Thanksgiving & Christmas just us, and in January we were finally reunited with my family and I wanted to soak in all of the time with them and celebrate their health. Also, my Lyme symptoms started flaring really terribly in early Jan which sent me into full PTSD mode & terror of the pain. The pain got really, really bad, and then got heightened by the anxiety & vice versa. Ah!
So as you can imagine by mid January it felt like I was having a full blown identity crisis. I wanted to do ALL OF THESE THINGS & for some reason I felt like time was running out. I started having panic attacks every day, and my mind really started spinning & telling myself stories that really were not true. I felt like people I loved were mad at me for simply EXISTING. The stories in my mind got so intense I stopped being able to sleep which then affected my hormones and of course… my happiness + sanity.
So when I say 2021 has been intense for me so so far, I really mean it. Like so intense I can hardly return text messages let alone phone calls. I realize so much of this is in my control at the end of the day and for that I am very grateful. It is not lost on me that I have the privilege & power within me to shift my life and routine and get help for my anxiety & dis-ease — so this is not a post to complain. It’s more of a post to spill my brain about where I have been and what living with debilitating anxiety can look like.
As for how I have been dealing with my anxiety? I have learned so many tips and tricks along the way and for the love of God I HOPE they will help at least a handful of you reading because if I can turn this pain into a purpose I will be elated.
First of all I should say… my husband is a saint. A SAINT. Whether I have been mid panic attack or bouncing off the walls with joy and then collapsing into a puddle of tears seconds later, he has been my rock. He speaks beautiful, affirming words into my heart and soul daily. He tells me, “You’re not sick. You’re healing. You are perfect and powerful and beautiful. You are not behind. Everything is right on time.”
He fills up a huge glass of water for me every night and brings me coffee first thing in the morning, he pulls the curtains aside so I can see the sunrise and he does my laundry / cleans our whole home when I’m feeling down & unable to pitch in. He surprises me & books us little getaways when he knows LA is too much for me, and he brings flowers home multiple nights a week just because. On an emotional level… he is the most stable, sturdy, ROCK of all time. I started calling him my “pocket boy” because I just want to put him in my pocket & carry him around with me forever & ever. (I made a song about pocket boy too… if you guys ever wanna hear it LMK ;)).
So if you are struggling with anxiety my very top tip is to be super open with at least one person in your life (mine is Jonathan for sure) who you trust whole heartedly, and allow them to be there for you. Accept help. Accept LOVE. That is step number one.
Number two, remember that at the end of the day we have the power to shift our reality.
The power of the MIND is huge. I am reading a lot of Louise Hay right now, and she talks about the simplicity of daily affirmations, shifting the mind, positive self talk, loving kindness mediations, clearing the mind, and reframing our thoughts. I realized that every morning when I woke up I was immediately berating myself with negative self talk. Me, the self help writer! Me, the spiritual teacher! Yes, BERATING myself.
I swear, every morning I was telling myself I was guilty of this or that, this person was mad at me for this or that, I’m lazy, I can’t focus, I will never heal, the list goes on. So I REALLY put a stop to that over the last few weeks. I speak loving words to myself and when my thoughts go dark, I consciously choose again. I have been doing loving kindness mediations, where I first send love to myself, then someone I love, then someone who I am neutral with, then someone who triggers me, & holy shit this is a game changer. I will have to do a whole podcast ep on this.
Beginning to do this made me feel extremely at peace, because I remembered what I know in my heart to be true: I am a good person. A good friend. A good wife, daughter, sister, aunt, blogger, cat mama, human. Anything else my mind tries to tell me is untrue and gives me absolutely no credit for the beauty and goodness in my heart. I have so much love in my heart for others it could burst! I give that love freely every day, even when I feel like shit. It breaks my heart in half that I have spoken such mean things to myself for so long. I am a good person, and so are you. We are all doing the best we can. 💜
I am honestly so happy that life has dealt me this experience this year for my anxiety to get so bad, because I feel like I am becoming a wizard of the mind. Seriously. I feel like I am learning to reframe anything / everything and it is bringing me so much peace & joy. It is making me a better person and a better teacher. I do not get caught up in fear stories anymore (or at least I TRY as hard as I can) & it’s such a better way to live life.
On a physical level, I started taking many supplements, homeopathics & flower remedies for anxiety. My favorite right now is a homeopathic called CALM FIVE. My Chinese medicine doctor put me on 50 drops a day and it has been surreal & life changing. I am also deep in a mold & Lyme detox (yes, again) so getting all of that shit out of my body is helping my brain feel less inflamed, which inevitably makes me feel happier & more at peace (and also more tired but that’s ok).
Another thing that is really helping me is JUST STARTING so much of the shit that I was procrastinating. I really feel so many of us know what we wan but we are terrified to do it / start it. We started taking small steps toward looking for a house, I started my memoir, I began talking about the Celestial Diet on the podcast, I booked a month with my designer to rebrand my site (but we are waiting til Summer because I realized my rushing was just causing tons of anxiety), I reached out to my mentor to work on my psychic gifts with her weekly, I made a commitment to see my TCM twice a week to keep healing. I am no longer putting my life off. I am LIVING it.
I really feel so much of anxiety stems from not being willing to live in the present moment. The present moment is the only place where life exists. Anything else is merely future tripping or past obsessing. That gets us nowhere.
I am also doing daily mediation, breath work, and really embracing the art of rest. SPECIFICALLY Joe Dispenza meditations daily as well as Gabby Bernstein sprinkled in there. I am also recording a lot of my own meditations for you guys that we will be releasing soon. 🥰 When I don’t rest & put so much pressure on myself to “do” & perform in many ways, my calm goes out the window.
Ultimately I have made the commitment to love myself first. I have so many more specific stories to share with you guys about this. Two in particular. I think that will be my next post!! Do you find these tips helpful for anxiety? LMK below. XX
Also, I MISS blogging SO MUCH. I miss treating my blog like my diary. Talking to you guys in this way and doing good old fashioned heart spills. I also started putting so much pressure on myself for e very post to be life changing, that I stopped sharing my heart in the way that really means the most to me. So here is my commitment to doing exactly that. Let me know what you guys want to see below & I would really like to start posting a few times a week again. 💜👽 This is my home & my hub for life — I LOVE you guys to the moon & back.