It was one of the best trips we’ve ever had actually because we were just so grateful to be together in a place that is so special to us. Despite some unfortunate Lyme symptoms I was experiencing most of the weekend, the trip was still one of my favorites for so many reasons. It’s been a big few months for us both with work, and it was so good to just put our relationship back in the front seat and realize/remember love is all that matters.

If you ever find yourself in Ojai, definitely go to the Hip Vegan for salads and the best veggie burger you’ll ever have (even my dad says it’s better than In n’ Out – BIG DEAL), Food Harmonics for more delicious healthy food, The Farmer & The Cook, and Sage for a delicious dinner in their pretty courtyard. And obviously we are in love with the Ojai Valley Inn so if you can stay there or at least pop by the property for dinner one night or to check out the spa, you’ll be living in a dream.

Sooo beyond that, the topic of this post is about something quite personal to me that I believe a lot of us deal with, which is finding a balanced relationship with food. As I have mentioned before, finding the SOS-free (salt oil sugar free) and plant based way of life has given me true food freedom because it is a way of eating that makes me feel amazing, good and energized rather than hurting my stomach or body in any way – which is the only diet/lifestyle I can speak of that has made me feel that way EVER.

And before you feel any kind of way about this SOS-free plant based life, keep a few things in mind: I was born with severe stomach problems. I never once felt comfortable in my body after eating until I found the plant based way of life when I was a teenager. Then, after being diagnosed with Lyme/mold/co-infections in 2018 and being covered in head to toe hives, this diet saved me. Most days it gives me the ability to get out of bed and have my joints/stomach not be in searing pain — for me and people like me (which is so many!) it is a GODSEND.

It also gives me energy, which is so welcome after so many years in bed dealing with horrific Lyme symptoms. So, as always, no judgment. I don’t judge anyone for the way they eat and I expect the same in return.

When I am home in LA in my routine, everything feels great. I go to the farmer’s market every Sunday and stock up on so many things I love, make yummy meals, juices, smoothies, soups, and desserts all week, head to restaurants with friends where I have found the perfect things to order that don’t mess with how I feel, etc.

Impromptu Impulse Eating //

But occasionally, either when my stress/anxiety rears up or when I am traveling for long periods of time and away from my routine, I do something that Jonathan (my husband) has named “Impromptu Impulse Eating” a.k.a “I.I.E.” It’s a THING, you guys. And I am willing to bet I am not the only one who does it! Especially among those of us who are healing from chronic illness and have found a way of life that works for us that is not always the easiest to maintain while traveling/being out.

So here’s how I.I.E. goes down… we will be out at a restaurant and Jonathan will order a delicious veggie burger that probably isn’t gluten-free, soy-free, etc. and definitely has lots of salt and oil. And I will be eating my yummy, healing meal whatever it may be that works for my body, and something will come over me where I tell myself, “I feel great, I’m not sick anymore, and I want to be able to eat what he’s eating.” And of course being a sweet husband and not wanting to piss off his wife (did I mention I hate being told what to do?), he’s not going to say NO…

And I don’t mean that I want to order what he’s ordered, I just mean I want a few bites. And a few bites is fine!! But those few bites then turn into a few more bites of something else that doesn’t agree with me, and then dessert of course and then the same thing again the next day because what the heck. This usually continues, and then each meal or day builds upon each other and next thing I know a week has passed and I feel like complete shit because I am not doing what I know feels good.

And each and every time I do it, it’s just a bite or two. Very impulsive. And impromptu. He nicknamed it that because it’s not thought out. It’s not like I have thought out a whole rational plan of ordering the veggie burger because I really want it and it’s worth it to me however it may make me feel — it’s more like I am testing the universe and my body, like “what can I get away with today?” mostly just because I am rebellious and am feeling impulsive.

I wrote about this in my recent ebook, but this is what I call self-sabotage. In A Course in Miracles, it is said that we self-sabotage because we are absolutely terrified of our own greatness. I get this on a deep level. I think that feeling good, and especially feeling really good absolutely scares the shit out of me, because I am so used to feeling terrible. Even before my health broke down in late 2017, I had been experiencing lifelong stomach issues and strange body sensitivities. I had never known what it was like to just straight up feel good.

And by the way, I.I.E. can also happen at home! Jonathan makes these delicious No Evil sausages with Siete tortillas and vegan cheese (the recipe is actually in my ebook, for a fun non-SOS-free option) and again, something will come over me where I’m like F my health, who cares, I should be able to do whatever I want.

Sound familiar???

I am a rebel. I was born this way! It’s hard for me to do what I feel I’m “supposed” to do, which is why 99% of the time I CHOOSE to eat this way because it’s a joy for me. It’s a joy to feel good and I truly love the food. But of course there is that other 1% that just… wants to be like everybody else? Wishes I wasn’t sick? Wishes I could just throw caution to the wind and do whatever the hell I wanted with food and with everything else?

But then I come back to — this is my body. I do not need to compare myself to everyone else. I do not need to feel bad for myself, because the illness and the struggles that I have faced are part of my journey to get me where I need to go, on my soul’s eternal path.

Ojai lovin’!

I promised Jonathan I would write about I.I.E. today for a few reasons. One, because I know I am not the only one who experiences it and I hope this story will help people. But two, to get to the bottom of why I do it. And now that I am writing about it (I have always thought best through writing), I see — I am scared of feeling good. Feeling good comes with an immense amount of power. When I feel good, I am able to create, use my brain, work, make plans, travel, exercise, LIVE LIFE.

It sounds amazing in theory. But it is a little scary when you haven’t had the ability to do all of those things in so long. And if you’re like me, the power to do all of those things is overwhelming. I get SO EXCITED about creating and doing things so I do, do, do, create, create, create, live, live, live to the max until I wipe myself out. And also I.I.E. definitely comes from that rebellion I have deep inside, that younger Jordan who still wants to say, “Screw it, I’ll do what I WANT.”

But what I really want is to feel good. What I really want is to be kind to my body. I don’t want to punish my poor body and make myself feel even worse than I already do. If you’re reading this and you’re not sure of what Lyme disease and co-infections feel like… I will explain. Right now, my whole body is in searing pain from head to toe. Noteworthy places that are screaming in pain are my jaw (it is perpetually on fire), my lower back, my hands, and my shoulders/neck. I am laying down by the way so it’s not like I am sitting at a desk. My brain is foggy and I am fighting off a severe headache right now that I have had for about 24 hours. My eyes feel fuzzy and even though I haven’t had caffeine in days my heart is racing as if I had just chugged a large cold brew.

Of all things that feel fine right now, my stomach feels great. And it’s because I woke up and had a large glass of warm lemon water, followed by a celery juice, followed by some papaya and banana sliced up. Yesterday I was so kind to myself and made the SOS-free meals my body loves, and have also started a Medical Medium liver cleanse (similar to how I already eat) that I have been intuitively called to.

Some days I feel far better than this, some days I feel far worse. Lyme is kind of a crap shoot. I don’t have a lot of control over how I feel. But the way I eat, and the power of the mind, yoga and being kind to my body, resting and not comparing myself to others — these are all huge factors in my healing. Huge. They may not be a miracle pill but they’re a huge piece of the puzzle.

Committing to Feeling Good //

My ultimate goal is to feel good every day. I am done with the self-sabotage. And if you’ve read my ebook or other pieces I have written lately, then you know — I no longer identify with having had an eating disorder when I was younger. I don’t believe that ever suited me. I was struggling with Lyme, co-infections, and extreme body pain and food sensitivity that I was simply trying to manage with food. What I didn’t know at that time was that I had a few things wrong (but who didn’t at 22?), and I have learned so much since then… but I am so glad to have so much more support now. From my Lyme doctor, so many other Lyme warriors, my family, my husband, myself — so much has changed.

So yes, I.I.E. is a struggle. I think it comes from a lifelong sensitive stomach – where in many situations I would be reminded by people (my dad especially – love you daddy) not to eat the greasy food that was going to make me feel sick. But back then I didn’t have the tools and I didn’t get it. I just wanted to be like everyone else. So I would do it just to show people/myself that I refused to be put in a box. It also comes from being rebellious to what makes me feel good, and also from just being exhausted by the sheer magnitude of this disease. It’s okay to just be exhausted sometimes, and not make the best decisions, but that’s why the whole “impromptu” and “impulse” thing comes into it because it’s not thought out.

I am so committed to feeling better, and I can get on upward swings where I do feel better for months on end. So that is what I am working toward. And I hope that me sharing this intimate piece of my journey can help or inspire you in some way. I am an open book and I share just about everything with you guys, but it can be hard to share things about food and eating because there is SO MUCH judgment on the internet when it comes to these things. So please if you feel compelled to judge, remember that you have not walked in my shoes. Lyme is a battle I hope many will never have to face.

But honestly, it feels good to write about it. And get it out. It feels right. And I hope it will help some of you reading. If it does, please share below. We are all in this healing journey together. XO 

Also, as promised I wanted to share my NYC vegan eats with you guys, some of the wellness places I hit up, and a little bit about my trip. I have been meaning to do an NYC guide FOREVER so this will serve as a mini TBB NYC guide until I get a full, super duper detailed one up in the future! Other than this NYC vegan guide I wrote in 2014… just sayin. But it needs a little update!

Coming back to NYC always feels like coming home. When I started my blog I was living in the West Village and going to The New School for creative writing. Well actually if we’re being specific, I started my blog in Hawaii and then spent the summer in LA before moving to NYC. But my early New York days will always remind me of the very beginnings of my blogging journey.

This trip was a bit of a gift to myself and a celebration after a really tough few years. Things are not entirely better with my health, but I have come so far. I am well enough to travel without completely crashing for weeks afterward for the first time in as long as I can remember. *Knock on wood*! And it feels so incredibly good to show myself what I am capable of.

I always like to come to New York for podcast interviews because NYC is the Mecca for wellness and spiritual leaders that I so admire and love. So I filled this trip with a few podcast interviews, and also came to spend time with dear friends and just enjoy myself and have fun. Which is exactly what I did.

As I interviewed my dear friend and spiritual mentor MaryAnn DiMarco yesterday and she reminded me (along with my spirit guides — because she is an extremely gifted psychic medium) how proud I should be of myself for going to New York and following through with this trip despite my hesitations and anxieties about my health leading up to it… I was reminded to really celebrate myself for making this trip happen.

Now that I know what my body is capable of I am hoping to create a lot more travel experiences this year. Last year was solely focused on healing and our wedding (SO worth it) and this year I really see my horizons expanding, which makes me so happy I could cry.

A huge part of why I am healing in such a big way has to do with, drum roll, my plant-based & SOS-free diet!! Surprise, surprise, right? Hehe if you read my blog often then you know this is the case and has been for almost two years now. I am also eating a largely Medical Medium style diet (you can listen to him on my podcast here!) as well as food combining, and all of the above has worked wonders for me on my healing path.

NYC FOOD, BABY! //

So! Let’s get into what I ate and where in NYC, keeping it fully vegan and as SOS-free as possible. Sometimes it can be a bit hard to travel and keep it fully salt-oil-sugar-free, and trust me usually I do not have the luxury of not sticking to SOS-free 100% without feeling terrible. But on this trip I dabbled a bit toward the end and felt pretty much fine, which is exciting and an indicator of healing.

Oh & below that I will share some of the new wellness spots I went to for treatments and experiences!

Okay, where I ate, what I ordered, and honorable mentions below! Also keep in mind you can order SOS-free vegan food just about anywhere as long as you’re willing to have a salad without dressing that you can douse in lemon, and add some avocado. So that’s kind of how it goes in the restaurant scene, along with a side of steamed veggies and a grain or legume if you do those!

Where I Ate //

Soho House: Alright, this is truly where I ate most of my meals because it was also where I was staying. I emailed them ahead of time to let them know that I would like to start every morning with celery juice and a Heavy Metal Detox Smoothie (Medical Medium’s recipe) and I gave them a list of all of the ingredients I would need. They were super accommodating and made both for me every morning, delivered to my room!

They were very accommodating for lunches and dinners as well. I was able to order their kale Caesar salad modified (without dressing, without cheese, without breadcrumbs) to come as basically a huge mountain of kale. Then I would order a side of lemon and a side of avocado for the salad. On the side I would also order their gluten-free avocado toast (without chili oil) which was DELICIOUS! Normally I stay away from grains but for the sake of getting enough food this was truly perfect for this trip.

I would also order steamed fingerling potatoes there to go with my meal! Especially at dinner. This is a big Medical Medium food for many reasons and also keeps me super satiated while being fully SOS-free. Not gonna lie, half the time I had to send the potatoes back because they came to the table covered in oil but that’s all part of the process — when you’re eating in a way that is really different from what restaurants are used to, patience is key.

All in all, huge thumbs up for Soho House being so very accommodating!

This was room service at Soho! I ordered this same thing in the restaurant too. The side dressing went untouched lol because it was not vegan and was very salty. But the rest… perfection! 

Blossom NYC: Yay, Blossom! This has been one of my longtime favorite vegan restaurants in NYC, long before I was ever SOS-free. So this is a great spot to take friends or family who are not SOS-free but who want to enjoy a delicious vegan meal.

I ordered the kale salad without dressing and added lemon and avocado. It comes with apples which are delicious, and they’re also good about steaming veggies here like broccoli which makes a delicious side dish. Like I always say, I eat out for the company and the atmosphere so I don’t mind when a meal has to be a bit small or plain from time to time. I know I can always eat more later! Love this place and went here multiple times on this trip!

XYST: This is an amazing vegan Mediterranean place I had heard so much about!! It’s newer and has opened since the last time I was in NYC so I was excited to try. Loved the atmosphere and was very pleased they could modify the kale Caesar salad to come without dressing and with lemon on the side. I had their tempeh bacon on the salad as well which wasn’t SOS-free but OMG it was good. Worth it. Added avocado too to make it more satiating! My friends and I loved this place.

This was my salad there! The avocado was on the side. So good. The tempeh was the best part!

The Butcher’s Daughter: They have this restaurant in LA now as well, but this will always be a special New York spot to me as I will always remember going to the original one deep in NoHo back when they only had one location! I LOVE their kale Caesar (are you sensing a theme here with my orders?! LOL), and their gluten-free avocado toast! I order the dressing on the side because it’s definitely not SOS-free and potentially not vegan (as they are a vegetarian restaurant) but the salad is so good it doesn’t need it. I also order without croutons! The crispy tempeh is AMAZING and not SOS-free but such a good addition.

I love this place if you need a quick and easy lunch between meetings, and it’s also a good spot to meet a friend for brunch, lunch or dinner.

THIS WAS HEAVEN!

Juice Press: If you’ve followed me since my NYC days, then you know I have been a die hard Juice Press girl since day one. In fact, I hosted my first ever event for the blog there! Ahhh! I don’t love some of their smoothie ingredients now as they seem to be big on coconut nectar, chocolate chips, and other sweeteners, but I like to customize my smoothies there and I will always be a fan. If you’re ever in a pinch and need a salad on the go, they have some decent options as well (for vegans, but not for SOS-free, sadly their salads use quite a bit of oil).

My go-to smoothie recipe is the Green Machine, add cinnamon! MMMM.

Juice Press life baby! On my old stoop of my old building… MEMORIES FOREV!!!

Hu Kitchen: Hu will be a forever fave! They are a paleo restaurant so not entirely up my alley with the range of options, but I love that they have options for everyone. They have a salad bar now (or I believe it’s called a “bowl station”) that has lots of vegan friendly options. I didn’t end up eating there on this trip but I did pop in to grab a few things — juices from their refrigerator, chocolate for my friends! I used to live around the corner from Hu so it will always have a special place in my heart. For people who are traveling with vegans/non-vegans alike, this is a good spot to make everyone happy! 

Honorable Mentions //

ABCV: I am so bummed I didn’t make it here on this trip because I actually made the reservation for the wrong night! LOL. I never do that but it happened a few times on this trip, if that tells you anything about how much I have had on my plate lately. I have heard the best things about ABCV and can’t wait to go there next time I am in town. I do love ABC Home & Carpet forever — it’s such a fabulous store to wander around. Check out all of the fun first floor Knick knacks they have and admire their floors and floors of furniture and home decor… it’s a literal dream.

Peacefood Cafe: This has been a forever fave spot too! I used to go here ALL of the time when I lived in New York. They are located right below Union Square (they also have an Uptown location but I am definitely a Downtown kinda girl) and I love all of their salads, and if you’re not SOS-free, their baked goods and veggie burger. This is a great vegan spot for anyone, but especially vegans who don’t mind the salt and oil in their food.

Divya’s Kitchen: LOVE THIS PLACE! When I was eating in a very Ayurvedic way the last time I was in NYC, I came here for every meal. I still love Ayurveda and it has influenced me deeply, I am still on my own healing protocol that doesn’t include many grains or legumes. But I can’t wait to go back here when I am eating more foods again. Try their kitchari, it’s everything.

Plant Food & Wine: We had our engagement party here at the one in LA! I am a fan of all of the Matthew Kenney restaurants. This one is raw vegan and amazing, and has a very fun vibe. Highly recommend!

Candle 79: This is my NUMBER ONE FAVORITE vegan restaurant of all time! I didn’t make it there on this trip because it is quite far uptown (Upper West Side) and I didn’t venture higher than Flatiron on this trip (actually I rarely do) but I will forever love this place. The vibe, the food, it’s all so special. It makes you feel like you’re in a really romantic, quintessential chic and timeless New York restaurant while also being fully vegan — hard to find! It is not new so it has that worn and familiar feeling to it. Gah, I could go there right now!

I don’t believe they have many SOS-free options, but I am sure they can accommodate if you ask. I always loved their warm kale salad with the tempeh, and their desserts are out of this world. Especially the chocolate peanut butter bomb!

Wellness Places & Healers //

AIRE Bath House: Oh my word, this place lived up to the hype. I am not sure how new AIRE is but I think it is pretty new still, and OMG. You must go there. It is a very authentic European style bath house that makes you feel like you’ve fully transcended New York City and you’re sitting somewhere in a stunning rendition of Ancient Greece. The vibe is extremely romantic, private, and intimate. The lights are kept low, there are no phones allowed, and they ask everyone to keep their voices to a whisper. (Not sure if my BFF Clare & I kept our voices to a whisper but we tried.)

They have beautiful healing baths from a salt bath which is so pressurized you can float to the top without even trying, to a major jacuzzi jet bath, to a hot and cold plunge, a regular warm bath, and aromatherapy steam rooms. It’s… epic. As I write about it right now I already want to go back! So grateful for this experience with my dear friend too, who is about to get married, so we were celebrating with some relaxation and girl time.

This was literally magic.

Organically Jamie energy healing & reiki session: YOU GUYS! Jamie is a dear friend from my NYC living days, and I used to host all of my events at her restaurant Gingersnaps Organic! I am forever bummed that her restaurant is no longer (selfishly because the food was amazing!!!) but I am also SO happy for her that she found her truest calling as a healer on so many different levels. Her session absolutely blew me away.

We began the session with talking about my life and what I would like to specifically work on, and just being in such a safe space with someone I know and love so dearly made me feel like I could immediately burst into tears (surprisingly I did not) while talking about my life. It’s been a rough few years… to say the least. After we chatted I got on her table for energy work and I can’t even explain to you where I went. I went to ANOTHER PLANET during the session… I saw shapes and colors and felt deep, profound healing. I felt pulsating sensations all through my body and wouldn’t have been able to move my body if I tried. It was MAGNETIC… incredible! If you live in NYC you must see her — she’s everything. You can find her here, on her site!

Montauk Salt Cave: This place was also heaven! I fell ASLEEP in the session, and if you know me, then you know I literally don’t sleep during the day. Not even as a baby or a child. And certainly not now, I can’t even fall asleep at night. We did a group session but if I had known the options I definitely would have opted for private (you know me — I always prefer a private with more space and less distraction around) but it was still lovely. We were led into the room that had mineralized Himalayan sea salt all over the walls, ceiling, and floors, and sat in reclining chairs through a guided meditation for the hour. It was heaven.

The benefits we experienced were relaxation, SLEEP (!!), deep meditation, better breathing and oxygen flow, and all around the feeling of an extremely calm and relaxed central nervous system. If we had this in LA (and maybe we do somewhere?) I would go ALL of the time. Highly recommend, and if you can swing it, try the private room with a friend or a few!

NAO Wellness: This was such a treat!! You guys know I love my infrared sauna life. I have a Clearlight in our home (code BLONDE for a discount) and do my best to sauna every day when possible. I was so missing my daily sweat sessions in NY, especially because it was freezing and rainy during most of my trip. My dear friend Rachel Mansfield booked us sessions at NAO, and OMG.

First of all… this place is RIGHT down the street from where I used to live in the West Village! So if they had been open back then, I would have gone ALL OF THE TIME. The space was beautiful, clean, quiet, and lovely. It radiated the best energy. I loved the people working there, the owner who chatted with us, and the gorgeous crystals she had around. I most of all loved catching up with Rachel, my most OG blogging friend who I simply don’t get to see enough of these days. It was magical.

Again, hiiiighly recommend!

OKAY, I could go on forever! The New York wellness scene is everything! I can’t wait to try more places when I’m back. High on my list to still find are a lymphatic drainage massage and lymphatic facial place, so if you have recs, hook a girl up! I also didn’t even make it to yoga on this trip which is highly unlike me, but I usually go to either Y7 or Modo when I am in the city! 

Also next time I am in town I want to make it to the east side a bit more as well as uptown, but what can I say, I am a west village / Chelsea / Meatpacking kind of girl! 

Would love to hear your thoughts, and let me know if you try any of these places! Hashtag #tbbmademedoit so I can follow along.

And lastly, if you’re interested in learning more about the plant based, SOS-free lifestyle, there are three days left to join us for DETOX YOUR LIFE, the very special program I am hosting live that begins on 2/16! YAY. Along with a 192 page ebook full of details, teachings, deep dives, and recipes. 60 recipes to be exact. YAY! Join us!

When I first started my blog it was my happy place where I could share my thoughts and feelings about everything, and just write from my heart about topics that satiated my soul. Over the years my blog has become my career, which I am eternally grateful for, but it definitely changed the dynamics of how therapeutic this space was for me.

I have had so many ebbs and flows with my blog, and times where I barely even wrote blog posts at all because I was so enchanted by podcasting (which I still love but the new-ness has worn off) that writing on the blog didn’t seem multi-faceted enough. What I mean by that is that speaking on the podcast is like having a conversation with you guys, and I felt that writing/reading a full & long blog post isn’t always AS personal… but I think I was wrong about that because it is. And those of you who are here reading can hopefully attest to that!

Anyway, I am so glad to have made my way back to the blog, right where I began, because as I cocoon myself in bed under my cozy sheets with Hudson at my feet and sprawling piles of Lyme-related books all over my bed… there is nothing I am happier to do than blog. There is nothing I am more grateful for than to be able to write my heart out and connect with you guys and heal in bed all at the same time.

5 Year Blog-Iversary & The Spoon Theory!

Shockingly, today is my 5 year blogging anniversary! I started this blog on my niece Isabella’s 10th birthday when we were in Hawaii on our annual Maui trip. Actually, to be more specific I started it when I was stuck at the airport ALONE because my whole family flew back to California without me as my airline ticket was somehow non-existent even though it had been booked along with the rest of my fam. A very Jordan thing to happen & also DIVINE TIMING in it’s truest form… because looking back, it was the exact setup I needed to get quiet and create @theblondevegan Instagram account I had been dreaming up in my head for months.

The blog itself started in August of that year but I still consider June 18th my blog anniversary because the Instagram account is where it all began. This was back when Instagram was new and very under-saturated (not a real term but you know what I mean) so it was extremely easy to grow if you had the passion and dedication to do so. By the time I started the blog itself I had about 25,000 followers, which gave my blog a built-in audience from the day it launched!

I always like to celebrate this special anniversary in one way or another, but today I am truly down for the count. Jonathan and I spent the weekend in Sedona, which was magical and healing and romantic beyond belief. We needed a getaway together after all of my solo trips this year, and this one certainly did not disappoint. He is a saint who was content to relax in bed with me as much as I needed to (which was a lot), but I still pushed myself to get out and about to explore the town and some gorgeous hiking trails and creeks.

The travel day yesterday alone was enough to knock me down today though, as we drove two hours from Sedona to Phoenix, maneuvered through the airport and then flew back to LA, maneuvered through LAX and then drove home… which was about 7-8 hours door to door. That might not sound like a big deal to many of you (and it probably wouldn’t to me either even just 9 months ago) but the energy of it all was a lot for me right now. Pure exhaustion permeates my bones at all times. I mean like laying my head down & semi falling asleep on the airport checking counter kind of exhaustion.

Exploring with my love. Who gets me inside and out and takes the best care of me. Who looks at me a quarter mile into this hike and says, “Do you want to go back?” Because he knows I’m just done. But we still got to enjoy the view.

In Yolanda Hadid’s amazing book about her battle with Lyme that I have been reading religiously, she talks about the “spoon theory.” The theory is that for people with chronic illness we have a certain amount of “spoons” each day and we have to use them accordingly in order to have enough energy to get through the day. When there are no more spoons left, we have no choice but to rest until the spoons replenish. I like to think of myself as having six spoons per day (although I don’t think you’re supposed to put a number on it… I am a numbers kinda gal) and let’s just say I felt like I used ten spoons on our journey home yesterday. This leaves me very depleted today, so I am conserving my spoons so I have enough energy to go out to dinner with J’s family tonight to celebrate a belated Father’s Day.

Some Thoughts About Lyme //

There is so much I want to share with you guys about Sedona which I will do in an upcoming Loving Lately post. Not like we did anything wild, because I really didn’t have a whole lot of spoons to toss around, but we did find some incredible vegan restaurants and a few stunning trails and creeks and magical crystal shops. More on all of that to come.

Now that I have known about my diagnosis for just about two weeks it is finally settling in that this is something I have been dealing with for a long time. I have both devoured Yolanda’s book and Ally Hilfiger’s book since my diagnosis and through their journeys I have learned that SO many symptoms I’ve experienced for years and years are exactly the symptoms of Lyme (and exactly the symptoms both of these women live with and bravely share in their stories).

Who knows where I was infected. Was it the Hamptons? Was it on one of the many camping field trips I went on when I was young? Marin Headlands? Nicaragua? Was it something way back when I was little and then I was re-infected by a tick or a flea last year that made everything flare up like crazy? I may never know but in my spiritual quest I have a feeling my subconscious will uncover the answers & share them with me at some point.

I know that my spiritual point of view is not a popular one in parts of the chronic illness community, but I am confident that this amazing TBB tribe & wellness tribe understands what I mean when I say… on a spiritual level, my diagnosis is a gift not only to my own healing journey but also to my awareness & understanding of the depths of human suffering. I am losing many parts of my life on a daily basis. It’s frightening and strange because it feels like I am watching a movie of someone’s life that isn’t mine. It’s also frustrating as all hell because Lyme is still very, very misunderstood so it is very common for an outsider looking in to think, “You’re FINE. Just take some medicine & get on with your life.” If only it were that easy.

There are so many things I wish people knew. And I am not the type to sit around saying that I wish people knew something and not do anything about it. I feel a fire brewing in me deep inside to raise awareness not only for a cure but for people with this disease to simply be understood by their loved ones and others around them. I have talked to many Lyme sufferers over the last few weeks who have far more experience living with Lyme than I do, and many of them say that in a way they wish they were diagnosed with cancer instead of Lyme because at least cancer is understood by the outside world and has a clear goal in mind when treatment begins.

I am not saying I wish I had cancer, because I don’t. I have deep compassion for those suffering from cancer and I totally understand the seriousness of how awful it is. I also want people to understand the seriousness of how awful Lyme is for many who live with it chronically. My story is a lucky one because I was never falsely diagnosed as negative (I would have killed someone) and I still have quite normal brain function (just incredibly scattered) and am able to move my body and run my business and live my life even if in a very low-key and different and subdued way for now.

I am also lucky because even if many people don’t understand the severity of my illness, my family does. My parents have stepped up in the biggest way. They got a place down here so my mom (and dad when he can) can join me for all of my treatments & help me with all the day-to-day things I won’t be able to do for a while. The reason they understand is because they’ve experienced my life with me from day one, so they’ve seen not only how much I’ve struggled with my health but how particularly awful and explainable the last 9 months have been.

I am lucky to have a wonderful partner in life who supports me and cares for me in a way that makes me feel so safe and loved, and so many friends who get me and make a huge effort to be there and make me feel seen and heard.

There are 19383839483 more reasons under the sun why I am very lucky. I will continue to keep all of them in mind as I forge forward in this battle and push up against the sheer difficulty of it all.

The delish food in Sedona made me sooooo very happy, like this cookie dough cup from ChocolaTree!

Things I Wish People Knew //

Since I feel the way I do about how hard it can be for people in my life to understand, I can only imagine what it’s like for other people out there who don’t have supportive families or a blog community to turn to while they’re suffering. For them I want to share the below…

A few things I wish people knew about chronic Lyme are that… you may see a photo of us smiling and out and about, but that may have been the only hour of our day (or week) that we had enough energy to get out of bed. You may see a happy, healthy human on the outside, but on the inside many of us are falling apart and our bodies are in extreme pain and constant fatigue. You may think we are a little scatterbrained and hard to pin down for commitments, but that’s because we are fighting to stay on top of our lives while our brains are infected with Lyme and we have no idea how we’ll feel on any given day. You may see us put on a brave face for our family and friends, but inside we desperately wish more people knew our reality and simply checked in to ask us if we’re okay.

Personally for me, you may think I am sharing a lot about my journey so far to garner sympathy but I am really sharing it to shed light on the harsh reality of Lyme. Yolanda’s book inspired me to no end, because she spoke out about Lyme a few years ago when it was even less understood. She was ridiculed by thousands on national TV and totally bullied by her cast mates for making her symptoms up and even doubted and ultimately abandoned by her then-husband who told her “her sick card was up” after he watched her nearly DIE.

Before I started learning about Lyme (months before I was officially diagnosed because deep down I knew I had it) I knew nothing. Nothing. About this disease. So I am very dedicated to sharing now, and hopefully making it more of a relatable thing because many of you know me as someone happy, healthy, and yes plagued by some health issues but generally you know me as ME.

And I am me. And every day of the week I am getting more and more back to me. I am struggling though, and there are a lot of things I am not going to be able do to this summer and maybe even for the next few years that I thought I would. It makes me very sad and it worries me because I don’t want to let anyone down. But as a wise human in my life told me last week… this is my time to be selfish. I’ve been suffering for far too long. And the true people in my life will always understand that.

So maybe today is not the 5 year blog anniversary shindig I envisioned it would be, but that’s okay. I am perfectly content to conserve my spoons so I can go out with J’s family tonight and also so I can be here in bed sharing with you guys. Life is going to be different for a while and I am embracing it. In a weird way I am looking forward to it, because I know it is exactly what I need.

I am invigorated because this diagnosis has given me answers and a very clear purpose moving forward. I am keeping notes on how I feel every day and all sorts of new developments with my medication and more because the thought of writing a book about this journey fuels me like no other. Yolanda’s and Ally’s books have already touched my life deeply, and if I can do that for just one person out there my life would be made.

That’s what this blog is for too! And there will be lighthearted posts in the near future, those aren’t going anywhere, I just think it’s important to share all of it. The good, the bad, the vulnerable, everything in between.

I love you guys and would love to hear your stories below. Everything you shared with me on my last post touched me deeply. I adore you all and I know we will get through all of this together. P.S. click here to sign up for my newsletter so that you can get my blog posts straight to your inbox. If you used to receive them and you don’t anymore… that’s because there were a lot of glitches along the way but it’s all smooth and working now so YAY, join the tribe. <3

Then, inevitably on the 28-hour trek home tomorrow or in the days to follow, I will share more about all that I have learned on this solo journey with myself. I also have a nearly TWO HOUR solo podcast episode going up next Wednesday that I recorded here about my trip and I am very excited to share it. And if you’ve heard me say that I am going to be gone for *two months* and you’re thinking “wait, only three weeks have passed…” you are correct, and I am heading off to a healing center in Northern California after a few days home in LA with my loves in between. The healing journey continues!

Anyway, this topic today is very near and dear to my heart. And in some ways I have found it even harder to put into words than I did my original “Why I’m Transitioning Away from Veganism” blog post nearly four years ago. I have purposely not put it into words yet because I wanted and needed to experience this first and foremost for me… feel it out for ME, and also see and feel the lasting effects after eating this way for a while before I shared.

The topic is the NEW KIND OF PLANT-BASED  and I will explain what that means at the bottom of this post.

Let’s just start at the beginning — and I will try to make this as short & sweet as possible because the truth is, I could (and want to…) write a book about this particular subject and my relationship to it! ONE DAY. One thing at a time…!

The Story //

So, last summer. I started seeing my dear friend Lo Roxburgh for alignment and body work. In our sessions we immediately went VERY DEEP into soul-guided conversation, and the synergy between us is to this day absolutely insane. Lo picked up very quickly on the inflammation I was experiencing in my body, and I just kept telling her: “I don’t feel like myself. My body is so inflamed. I feel it every day in my gut, my skin, my ENERGY FIELD, even my organs.”

A few months into working together she asked me when the last time I felt truly myself in my body was, without the inflammation and the pain and the insomnia and the gut issues and all the rest. And I said, “Well, I guess when I was vegan. Before the eating disorder of course and just when I was eating a balanced vegan diet.” And she said, “Well… what would you think about going vegan again?”

Her words planted the seed, and as much as I wanted to try it I was SCARED. Not only scared of what labeling my diet would mean for me after the healing journey I’ve gone through, but also scared of the Internet trolls who get off on abusing people’s dietary choices (very much including my own). I have worked long and hard to transition from veganism to non-veganism in the public eye, and switching back just gave me that feeling of, “oh god, people are going to think I am such a damn hypocrite.”

Of course those fears were wedged way deep inside of me and they only came up later on as I’ve done the inner work to figure out my resistance to this way of life. Fast forward to months later, when my reiki master and also very dear friend Kelsey Patel said to me in a similar heart-to-heart conversation, “Oh wow! I am getting the intuitive hit that you need to try going vegan again. How does that feel for you?”

Between Lo and Kelsey and their open and soul-guided and non-judgmental and non-biased words, I could have cried. I actually did cry. Just having the PERMISSION from two close friends of mine who also happen to be healers who also happen to be deeply immersed in the wellness world who ALSO happen to have about 10 years of life wisdom on me really, really, really hit home for me. I have always maintained and I still do that it’s never about what someone else thinks, or what someone else tells you. But from my particular position at that place in time I really NEEDED some “permission,” if you will, to be me. To REALLY listen to my own body and go with it.

So back in November, I did it. I started eating plant-based. I felt into it intuitively and it felt incredibly right. Physically, things were REALLY not feeling okay so trust me when I say it took a lot of immensely deep work to even get in touch with my intuition on a physical level.

When Jonathan and I came to Bali in December, I dabbled in eating other things for the sake of “FOOD FREEDOM” (I put it in quotes because someone with as many gut and health issues as I have had, mental food freedom can sometimes equate making yourself very physically ill) and felt like abbbbbsolute and complete shit. So then I really dedicated myself to the plant-based lifestyle, and I haven’t turned back since.

Plant-Based in Bali //

Many of you know that in the first few days of 2018, I got hit with a sudden and MASSIVE attack of full-body hives. Up until about a week ago I was still covered in a terrible eczema rash that was diagnosed from afar as everything from a cutaneous drug rash to Lyme disease. I am still sorting out what the exact “diagnosis” is, but I am not sure I even need one because I know now that it was nearly 100% stress-related and gut-related.

So I came on this solo trip to Bali to heal. The proximity of raw vegan cafes, healing centers, yoga studios, and wellness retreats to my hotel here in Ubud is absolutely nuts. Even Los Angeles has nowhere near this amount of easy, readily available, abundant, made-with-love, and CHEAP organic plant-based cuisine… and here it’s literally on every corner.

So for the last three weeks I have dedicated myself to eating 100% plant-based, and about 80% raw. For the first week or so I was completely raw but found myself craving cooked veggies and warming meals for dinner after a period of time and I am all about listening to my body above all else.

On top of the food I’ve been eating, I have been doing a lot of yoga, walking at LEAST 10,000 steps a day (usually closer to 20,000!), resting and sleeping a ton, doing colonics, drinking juices, eating an ABUNDANCE of fruits and fermented foods, and all of those things combined have lowered my stress levels immeasurably AND cleaned up my gut a considerable amount.

Letting go of my “fruit fear” that I developed from YEARS (yet again) of listening to other people’s ideologies and opinions about bodies that are not my own, has been the most freeing thing mentally and physically I have probably done in my entire adult life when it comes to food. I mean, my body was CRYING out for the nutrients and digestion-friendly properties of fresh, organic fruits. I didn’t eat fruit for THREE YEARS. (Or let’s say barely. Maybe a handful every so often.)

I have started mostly every day here with a smoothie bowl, FULL of fresh local fruits and topped with more fruit, superfoods, and raw granolas. I am telling you, and you know this if you’ve followed me over the years, I would not have touched a bowl full of so much natural sugar with a ten foot pole even just a year ago. But suddenly, eating intuitively and treating myself to what truly sounds and feels the best for me each day…. that is what I am gravitating toward. Just like I was five years ago when I was vegan PRE-eating disorder when I ate what I wanted in abundance and with love!

I have also been eating raw DESSERTS here in great abundance. I think it’s safe to say that with the exception of a few days here and there where I just wasn’t in the mood, I have had dessert every day here & at least once a day. I am all about the chocolate, as you know. So tons of raw cacao goodness! (If you come to Ubud, you have GOT to try Ubud Raw Chocolate. It’s actually insanity how good it is and full of sooooo many antioxidants and healthy fats.)

And honestly I am just telling you this because I love healthy desserts and listening to my body on that front has been so healing. If you’re not a dessert person, keep doing you. You don’t HAVE to eat dessert to feel free and intuitive with food… in fact many people may find themselves doing the opposite when they’re being truly intuitive. That is what is beautiful, we are all so freakishly different in our ways and that is what I love. THAT is what makes us healthy.

Tonight was my final dinner in Ubud (SAD in some ways even though I am ready to get home to my J & my Hud – like you have no idea, there are not even words) & I had a “Nourish Bowl” at one of my fave cafes here Sayuri Healing Food which is full of brown rice, adzuki beans, steamed veggies, spirulina crunchies, tahini dressing and a few other things… plus a side of raw bread, raw aged nut cheeses (TO DIE FOR), and a double chocolate raw pie for dessert.

I mean, can you say YUM? And abundant? And delicious? And decadent in the best ways and not at all restrictive or limited the way I once was in my previously restrictive vegan days?

So here’s what I’m trying to say //

I still believe in no labels. I believe in eating intuitively, and doing YOU and not listening to what anyone else has to say about what will make you feel the best or this or that. I still believe that we evolve and change over time, and I would be surprised if I didn’t change my eating habits again down the line as my life and journey continues to evolve.

For my own personal body right now, eating in this anti-inflammatory high fruit and high veggie way with lots of raw foods, juices, and also cooked veggies and gluten-free grains / legumes on the occasion has me feeling better than I’ve felt in four and a half years. Maybe five.

My medium MaryAnn (the most psychic person on this planet, no joke) did a healing on me last night over the phone and she said my gut is HEALING for the first time in years. She said it is going to continue to be a process, and the healing journey I am on is extremely slow and steady and that is my work at this time to trust in going slow and the true healing that is taking place… but the words “YOUR GUT IS HEALING & YOUR BODY IS SO HAPPY ABOUT IT” basically brought me to my knees.

After the parasites, the eczema, the hives, the autoimmune, the cystic acne, the eating disorder recovery, the food allergies, the chronic fatigue, depression and anxiety all stemming from my gut… those words held more sweet music to my ears than I think I could ever express to you in this lifetime.

I feel very, very, very good right now on this plant-based and highly raw diet. I am very aware that many people reading have seen me through my eating disorder and recovery days and I also know that many of you have been through your own recovery journeys. I very much hope that seeing me go through this process and find this complete & utter joy in this lifestyle again can inspire you from afar to do the same for YOUR life. It could look entirely different to you. It could be the opposite of plant-based or vegan. All I hope for you is that it makes you feel good, and passionate, and healthy, and awake, and alive.

(Quick side note: Even though I was eating vegan in LA for three months before I came back to Bali, I was still eating a lot of inflammatory foods. Nightshades, fried cauliflower at Erewhon (such an addiction), sauces that didn’t agree with me, more grains and legumes than I have been here… so this is the first time I have felt TRULY amazing with a longterm dedication to cutting out everything I knew intuitively was not working for me.)

What now? //

I am headed to a healing center in Nor Cal when I get back to the U.S. I made a commitment to myself this year that I would deal with my health issues once and for all, and take myself on a self-loving journey to heal and feel my absolute most radiant best again. I will share more details about it as time goes on — I will be doing something rather extreme and I wouldn’t recommend it to people who aren’t in my boat of *extreme* health issues and imbalances, so I will hold off on telling you more about it until THIS post has sunken in at least, haha.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me and being here for this journey through the years. I hope and know in my heart of hearts that anyone who is MEANT to be here reading this will be, and I feel that my words at this point in time will attract people who are at the stage of their journey where they can take in what I am saying and feel confident about their own life choices as well whether they’re different from mine or similar.

One thing I want to share is that while going through this entire journey publicly on social media and in the news and all the rest was the best and the worst thing for my overall wellbeing. The best because I got more support than any girl could ever dream of or imagine, and I feel deeply lucky to be able to run into SO MANY girls and guys on the streets of Ubud of all places (and of course when I am back home — but here has been pretty remarkable so far from home) who know much of my life story and have been so incredibly kind. The worst because it is definitely very hard to have your choices and your opinions ripped to shreds on a daily basis, especially from very passionate people about one thing or another.

The truth is, once you reach the place of true FREEDOM and unconditional love for yourself and your body, you will understand what its like to make choices from a place of pure heart-centered intuition. And when you’re there, my choices and everyone’s choices won’t affect you negatively. I can promise you that.

I dreamt of that place for a long time, and now that I’m there… it feels amazing. So whether you agree with or me disagree, it’s not my place to say or to even care. Because we are all dealing with something and being on the Internet has taught me I will often be the target for someone else’s insecurities. And I continue to put myself and my truth out there because A) that is what makes me happy and makes me feel fulfilled and B) I care about you guys with all my heart and it never feels right to NOT tell you things! C) I want to help people as best I can, and I know no other way to do that than to be radically open and honest.

Also, I will probably write a whole post on this but I will briefly say: opening up spiritually, psychically, and intuitively has had a LOT to do with this shift. I finally understand what people have been saying all years about how eating pure, mostly raw, foods from the earth in many ways can open up your third eye and make you feel more one with the universe. That has definitely been my experience… cleaning it all up, inside and out.

So… I am saving the point of this post for the very last paragraph. I want to represent a NEW kind of plant-based lifestyle. One where you can be VEGAN and not judge other people who are not vegan. You are allowed to be vegan and still be open to changing your diet to include non-vegan foods in the future. You are allowed to be vegan without labeling yourself and without being militant about your own choices or others’ choices. THERE IS NO ONE WAY TO BE, even when it comes to being plant-based or vegan.

So right now I am trying that on. I am feelin’ like the NEW kind of plant-based is the way I want to be. I will keep you very updated on how it makes me feel, and I would be honored if you decided to join me in whichever way you’d like to! EVEN if that is by eating a totally different way. Join me in doing you, and being intuitive, and of course… incorporating plants because they’re so very good for you.

Thoughts?! Would absolutely love to hear them. And tomorrow I will be headed back stateside and I am very, very, very excited. And very ready. <3

Many of you know that I am in Bali, and that I came here on a solo trip to unwind from the pressures of daily life & embark on a healing journey for my body and soul.

That means I am 100% NOT WORKING, doing brand collabs, sponsored posts, writing articles for deadlines, any of that jazz and wowowoww I feel…. so good.

I realize it is a very massive luxury to be able to do this, and that is not lost on me. That is why I feel it in my bones so important to share this journey with you guys reading because it is very possible for you to manifest the same in your life. Years ago, I never could have done this. Walking away from steady freelance work would have felt like a sin!

This year when my health exploded I knew it was time, for the first time since starting my business five years ago and working myself to the bone 365 days a year ever since, time to do something for ME and try my best to let go of what that might mean for my business, my blog, and everything else.

And holy shit you guys, all I can say is… WHY DIDN’T I DO THIS SOONER?!

I have been here for about 11 days now and I will take you through the rough arc of my emotions and experiences since I’ve been here:

The Day I Left: VERY apprehensive, questioning my decision to go, devastated to leave J & Hudson, left my purse at Erewhon with my passport in it and realized it once I got to the airport, just barely made my flight (that had actually been cancelled by the airline the day before I was set to leave but that is a long-ass story in itself), covered from head to toe in raised bleeding itchy mountains of hives, slept like a baby thanks to Xanax for about 13 hours, seven hour layover in Sydney where my emotions started to turn around…

Arriving in Sydney: Once I got to Sydney for my long AF layover in which I planned to leave the airport and explore the city for a few hours, I learned that I could not because I didn’t have an Australian visa. Whoops. This whole situation ended up being a blessing in disguise because I staked out at the Sydney airport, guzzled juice and smoothies from an airport juice bar (#thankgodforitsexistence) like nobody’s business, and started to plan details of my trip I hadn’t even thought about before I left. Which is very me, by the way. Can’t plan something in full really until it’s HAPPENING!

At the Sydney airport, I… researched the sh*t out of Kambo, an ancient shamanic healing treatment in which frog venom is applied to little burns on your skin and leads you to purge everything from toxins to negative energy. I had heard amazing things about it, and I found a practitioner in Bali online, reached out to her (spoilers: she responded and I did the treatment over the weekend! That will have a full post in itself), and planned it. I also started bookmarking classes at all the local yoga studios and researching healers I wanted to see and reaching out to all of my friends who have been here to get their highest recs. VERY productive time at the airport that I am so grateful for!

Flight from Sydney to Bali: I will say, I am normally a glass-half-full person, but if I’m being real this flight was hellaciously miserable. I had already been traveling for over 25 hours, and my skin (as I mentioned) was broken out in the worst rash I have experienced in probably my entire life. I somehow had a window seat although I have a hard rule with myself where I will ONLY sit in the aisle so this mixup through me for a loop. I like to get up a ton of times throughout the flight to stretch, and feel free to drink as much water (i.e. have access to the bathroom) as much as I please. The flight felt about triple as long as it actually was, which was a little over six hours. And the books I impulse bought at the airport were not enthralling enough to distract me from my misery or from scratching my arms until they bled.

LONG. FLIGHT. EXPERIENCE. And I am fully aware as someone with misophonia who generally cannot stand people chewing next to me on flights, itching / scratching their skin, making noises with their mouth, etc. that I became the girl who was ripping her skin off in the seat next to a stranger. I have a very strong feeling he had a little misophonia himself because he was not too pleased with me, but I couldn’t help myself. Full blown hives outbreak rage was happening on my body and sitting pressed up against a window in a sweatsuit I’d been wearing for 30 hours in 3 countries just wasn’t cutting it for my sanity. You could say it gave me a little perspective.

Anyway, once I actually landed… I WAS ECSTATIC. I had a very kind driver named Molly (arranged by my friend Emily, also from Sactown, who lives here and is a godsend) waiting for me at the airport and he drove me from Denpasar to Ubud, which is about two hours. For someone who desperately needs to know how many minutes / hours a car ride (or anything transportation-related for that matter) will take… I was instantly reminded that accuracy goes out the window in Bali. LOL. For instance, if the driver tells you it will take an hour it could very easily end up taking two and a half. I should take a page out of their book on the patience front though, that is for sure. They are never in a rush and I really admire that.

Getting to my AirBnB: Similarly to the whole potential inaccuracy of minutes it will take to get somewhere, I have also learned about the potential (and highly likely) inaccuracy of AirBnB’s in real life vs. online here in Indonesia. I thought I had rented a beautiful villa for the month, in the center of town, with its own pool and the only person living there would be ME. But when I arrived I learned that my villa was part of a larger group of villas, and mine itself was very tiny. No kitchen. Not quite in the center of town. Not the safest vibe there. Did not speak to my soul hardly at all.

Still running on the anxious adrenaline of a 35 hour travel day I… hopped right on my computer and booked three other hotels to move to throughout the week before I found a fave to stay for good. I am still working on getting my $ back for the very-different-looking-from-its-photos AirBnB but that’s neither here nor there. I learned a great lesson nonetheless, which is… don’t book something for 21 nights in a row if you’ve never seen it or don’t have any direct recommendations from someone who you know and trust. (Jonathan tried to tell me this before I booked it but I hastily did it anyway because I thought it would be nice to have my own house — which it didn’t end up being — that I didn’t have to worry about moving from. I wanted to feel the experience of LIVING here vs. being in hotels.)

The moral of that story is that… I like luxury and when traveling alone it is very important to me to feel completely safe. There was no reason to fear moving around, being SPONTANEOUS, or spending more money on nice hotels and accommodations, because I worked daaaamn hard to get myself here and its not every day I get to live in the most magical city in the most healing of places in the world.

Day One – Five: Once I got here and settled in, the days started blending into each other in the BEST WAY. I moved to my new place on the first day and instantly felt more at home. My new hotel was on the same street that J & I stayed on the last time we were in Ubud, so I felt safer and more familiar instantaneously. I deleted Instagram from my phone, lost track of which day it was, felt a deep fire igniting within me to write poetry and express myself creatively in that way for the first time in so long, let go of my idea of what I “thought” I would be writing here that fit the mold of what I “should” be doing and just let it all flow. I read two books a day, started to feel more free than I ever have in my life, and my rashes also started to completely go away…

I have been getting at least one massage a day, as they are only about the equivalent of $10 here for AN HOUR AND A HALF… and that has been so healing for my body as mind as well.

Day Five – Seven: For a few days I stayed in the center of the Ubud rice fields and this experience absolutely changed me. To get my hotel I had to walk 20 minutes up a tiny dirt road path (or take a motor bike but let’s be real I am kind of scared shitless of those things and most people here don’t wear helmets or have them available for their passengers) and my views from every angle were fields and fields of rice paddies. I rented a FULL house that was for about a 10 person family (lol) because after my initial experience I did not want to end up anywhere short of the luxury and space I was looking for.

I realized I might have overdone it a tad when I got there and the staff was flabbergasted that I was a party of ONE for what they call “The Mansion,” but I think it happened for a divine reason and that reason was… I fell madly in love with my serenity and freedom there. I want to host a yoga retreat there next year — WILL YOU GUYS COME?!

This is where I got REALLLLLYYYY into the poetry groove. Suddenly, pages and pages and pages and pages started flowing out of me out of the clear blue sky. I began channeling a beautifully influential teacher of mine who passed away last summer, and she shared with me that poetry is going to be a big part of my present & future. She even dropped the names of so many poets and songs into my head for me to listen to for inspiration, and she told me why Broadway music has always been so important to me… because it ignites my soul on a deep level and is most often channeled from a higher place as well. Pretty nuts. She also wrote a bit poetry through me and it is absolutely beautiful.

Day Eight – Eleven: As I said, the days just keep blending into each other which feels amazing. I turned my Instagram back on and it’s kind of a love-hate thing right now. For one, I do feel deeply passionate about sharing imagery and experiences from this trip on my platform. For two, I freakin LOVE connecting with you guys and sharing with you where I am and what’s going on. And for three, there is a very strong businesswoman that lives deep inside of me and she’s like “Nuh uh honey, you ain’t walkin’ away from the career that has supported you for five years… not even for the downtime YOU NEED.” That final piece is the one that I struggle with. I am very grateful for my career, and I don’t want to walk away. But I do have a deep, deep awareness that changes need to be made in order for my overall health and happiness to prevail. And I don’t need to be so dang addicted to the phone whatsoever. So I am working on that, and being here is helping a lot.

A few big revelations with that are that I simply C A N N O T continue to do paid partnerships that are not completely aligned with my heart and soul. Just can’t. I stopped doing that a while ago but I feel the desire to hone in even more deeply now and focus much more on my writing, poetry, my own content for my own brand, and a few new projects that have come to me with massive clarity since I have been here. Once I bring some of those to life, I foresee myself working with no brands in the future other than my own. Plus the occasional brand or two that really gives me life, because I do have a few of those.

Another revelation is that I really want to focus on solo episodes on my podcast moving forward. I will still have guests who really align, but as a reflector (listen to my human design episode with Jenna Zoe if you don’t know what I’m talking about!) I get exceptionally wiped out from long interactions with others. Even though a pod episode that you guys hear is about an hour to an hour and a half, I am usually with my guest for double that amount of time and then recording intros / outros / midway ads for at least another hour or two per episode. Yes, they get cut down to a few minutes but I am a perfectionist by nature and it takes a lot for me to be satisfied with what I put out there.

For those reasons… something that feels so innately right to me are solo episodes. I can share so much of what I have been learning that ignites me but without the element of getting exhausted by other energies. I was getting to the point where if I did three podcast interviews in a week, I legitimately couldn’t do anything else because my energy reserves were shattered. My body was clearly reacting with the rashes, the insomnia, the anxiety, the food allergies, and more.

I am not saying I don’t enjoy doing the interviews — I do! I love them. That’s why I put so much of myself and my energy into the conversations and the process, hence the exhaustion. I just need to find a balance with it… two episodes per month perhaps as solos, two with guests. Something like that.

BIG, EXCITING PROJECT ON THE HORIZON that came to me while I was sitting at Clear Cafe here in Ubud and I feel as if I channeled 20 pages of info about it into my notebook. Originally I was filled with gusto to make it happen by July, but now I feel that in order to pace myself and instill what I’ve learned (slow down, no need to be in such a rush) it will be a slow and steady project with no rush to finish it. But when it is finished… daayummm I cannot wait for you guys to see it / experience it / DO IT WITH ME.

But yes, it will come to fruition in its divine timing. For now I have my poetry to focus on anyway. And you better believe I have BIG PLANS FOR IT.

As far as traveling alone, I absolutely love it. I feel like I could be alone for months on end and feel completely full and satisfied by it. I miss my love a lot, but FaceTime makes things easier and he has been a true supportive godsend with the support and love he shows me every day here and always. He is my rock and without his support I don’t think I would have even booked the flight to come here. I am lucky. So yes I miss him but in a way because of FaceTime I feel like he has experienced many of the most special parts of my trip with me so far.

Lastly, on the food front, I have been eating about 90% raw vegan here and 10% cooked vegan. So yes, all vegan. Plant-based. Whatever we wanna call it. I feel amazing and there will be a full post coming on this — even though I asked in a poll on IG if you guys would want to read a post about that and so far most have said yes and 10% have said no… I know that’s a small percentage but I sometimes wonder whether the people who say “no” know I can see that they did and then I’m just thinking WHY. Maybe that means I shouldn’t ask, haha. I need a whole subset of poll questions like “if no… then why not?”

And as serious as I am about that I am also working on the art of letting go of what others think entirely. I have found that is an absolutely huge component to healing and deleting IG for a few days made other people’s opinions non-existent to me. It felt so good.

Anyway, ask you can see I am going on a big tangent now because that’s what happens when I write. I write to feel, I write it all out, and I also haven’t really hung out with anyone but myself in eleven days, other than a lot of FaceTime calls with my love and my fam and some dates with my sister Carlyn who is also here. So you’re getting the REAAAAL unfiltered me.

I think that’s it for now. It’s almost dinnertime here and I have a long walk to get to my fave cafe for some raw goodness.

All of my love, my babes. Thank you so much for being here & for reading this.

More to come! Like my KAMBO experience, my poetry overflow, my channeling exercises, the hotels and spas that I love here, and more. Feels so good to share my journey with you so far.

XO

I hope everyone is having an amazing week so far. It’s currently a rainy (#torrentialdownpour) Tuesday in LA but every fiber of my being keeps on thinking it’s already Thursday or Friday… I wonder why that is?! Even Sunday this week felt more like a Wednesday to me so maybe that’s why. Anyone else feeling that way today?!

I am also working extra hard this week and maximizing every hour in the day to get blog & podcast work done so I can go off the grid next week for my FULL four-day Panchakarma at Surya Spa, the Ayurvedic spa here in LA that I am obsessed with.

To read more about the Ayurvedic treatment of Panchakarma & why I love it… see here, here, & here. I also did a full podcast episode on it here with my Ayurvedic practitioner Anjali!

This week I have been doing ALL of the healing treatments for my eczema… thank you to everyone who has sent in recommendations, books, doctors, & suggestions. I am working on a big blog post with all of my findings that will be up in the next couple of days! (Today I did cryo at Next Health for three and a half full minutes on the coldest setting and OMG… bone chills. But it gives me so much adrenaline, it’s amazing.)

But let’s get down to the business of this post. I wanted to share with you guys where you can find me in the next month or so, because there is a lot of fun stuff coming up and we can all HANG if you live in or near one of these cities!

And speaking of event info, you can sign up for my email newsletter here which is where I usually try to keep you guys the most updated — and I have a lot of fun things to come with the newsletter so sign uppppp & be some of the first to see once that all goes live!

Let’s talk about upcoming EVENTS where we can all hang! It’s gonna be a wellness FEST.

NEW YORK CITY //

Sunday, January 28th: 

YOGA & INTENTION SETTING WORKSHOP at Pure Yoga NYC, on the Upper West Side. I am super excited about this, you guys. It will be my second ever time leading a group through the intention setting process that I work with every day & even more detailed on the first of each month. This class will set you up to set your most inspired intentions for the new year, once we tap into our essence & the deepest part of ourselves with an all levels vinyasa flow and brief post-yoga meditation.

Sign up HERE, it’s going to be such a blast. ALL LEVELS are welcome. Our flow will be a nice workout but it will be doable for all levels, all ages.

Wednesday, January 31st:

BLOG HER HEALTH CONFERENCE at Tribeca 360 & Tribeca Rooftop.

This event is going to be such a blast. I am honored to speak alongside of total wellness badasses from Jillian Michaels, to Arianna Huffington, Camila Alves, Hannah Bronfman, Kelly Leveque, Nastia Liukin, and so many other amazing ladies. The night before I will also be sharing yoga tips to do at the office, in the middle of a crazy day, etc.

It’s special to be included in this event for many reasons, one of which being that I have read about the Blog Her conferences for YEARS… since before I even started my blog in 2013! This conference has been taking place since 2005 — the very, very beginning of the blogging horizon when all was brand new. So there is an unbelievable wealth of knowledge within this group and the people who put the event on… and I cannot wait to speak and experience the magic.

You can get your tickets HERE… I hope I get to squeeze you there and see some TBB faces in the audience!

LOS ANGELES, CA //

THE GOOD FEST at Hudson Loft, in DTLA.

I am so stoked that The Good Fest is coming to LA and that I get to be a part of it with so many other amazing people in the space who inspire me daily. I was lucky enough to teach yoga and lead a blogging breakout session at the fest in Philly last April, and it was total magic. The room was buzzing with inspiration, wellness vibes, and stellar humans.

Now they will be in my hometown and I couldn’t be more thrilled about that. So many people who I love will be speaking and teaching alongside of me, like Sophie Jaffe, Britt & Tara of Elevate the Globe, Lauryn & Michael of The Skinny Confidential, Katie Horwitch, Talia Pollock and more!

You can get your tickets HERE, and you can use the code TBB10 for a special $10 off. It’s going to be a day of wellness galore, and I will be teaching not one but TWO yoga classes & I will be on a FOOD FREEDOM panel… a topic I am so passionate about I could burst!

And other than that…

I am working on planning my next Alo Yoga class, as our November one was so much fun and sold out in the first few days. I planned on doing them monthly after that but things have been a whirlwind! So hopefully in February I will be able to get a class on the calendar — stay tuned for that.

I also have my RETREAT with Kelsey Patel in the desert next weekend… our Yoga x Reiki Desert Oasis retreat with 27 amazing ladies coming to share their magic with us. If you’re coming, we cannot wait to meet you!

If you couldn’t make it this time… I am planning another retreat or two for this year as we speak, so if you are interested in the retreat life… sign up for my email newsletter to stay in the loop!

Otherwise, we have some fun blog posts coming up this week like:

+ DEALING WITH ECZEMA & Everything I’ve Found So Far

+ MY GO-TO MORNING ELIXIR

+ PROBIOTICS & Why They Need To Be In Your Life!

+ a few others that I am excited about.

Love you all and hope everyone is having an amazing Tuesday, wherever you are in the world! Comment below or send me an email if you’re coming to any of the events in NYC or LA… can’t wait to meet you & squeeze you in person! x

What kinds of things, you ask? Well, I will tell you:

My computer crashed. (This happened in Bali every time I tried to use it! Hello, a message from the universe for SURE.)

I spent two weeks in BALI, and my heart was so happy away from the computer & living in the moment. I will be sharing all of my trip recaps soon, but while we were there it was all about real time moments and less screens.

When we got back, my family came into town & made lots of fun plans that I decided I didn’t want to miss out on because of being “too busy” working (as I have been many times in the past.)

My health flared UP. I will get into this below, but between my eczema taking a turn for the critically severe, learning that I have a large fibroid on my uterus, dealing with an abundance of endocrine issues, and my usual tummy probs… I was down for the count, and I’ve been so determined to get to the root of my problems that I spent more time reading & researching than doing anything else.

I went to Nor Cal for the holidays & soaked in even more glorious family time. I have young nieces, it was Jonathan’s first time in Sacramento so I had so much to show him, AND the holidays are the one time of year where all of my best friends that I grew up with are in one place. So… I had no time or place for screens! It was all about family, unwinding, and soaking in my hometown magic. It was amazing and much needed.

I was… tired. I realized a lot of things at the end of the year, one of them being how incredibly hard I push myself and how detrimental that is to my health in the longterm even if I feel like I can “take it” for days, weeks, and even months at a time. My tendency to push myself so hard has had longterm effects on my health, and I basically crashed the moment I allowed myself to breathe.

When I did have energy, I had to podcast! My podcast is on a strict releasing schedule of every Wednesday at 6am EST, and it’s funny because it’s the one thing in my life and my business that is truly ROUTINE. I have seen that consistency with podcasting is the way to go for growth and dedicated listenership. I am usually so far ahead with my podcasts that the weekly deadline doesn’t even matter to me because it all gets done way far out, but after travel and the holidays I got straight up BEHIND! So when I did sit down at my computer, it was to record episodes, interviews, and ads! At least the pod has been running smoothly.

Those are just a few reasons why I have been mostly MIA from computer-land for the last 5 or so weeks.

And can I tell you something about it? It feels really good. Sure, I went through the guilt of feeling like I should absolutely be blogging more, sharing my Bali recap right when we got back, posting my yearly holiday gift guides and healthy holiday recipes… but the universe (and my body) just wasn’t having it.

In fact, my body REALLY wasn’t having it. I have shared a bit on the podcast and Instagram that I am dealing with a baseball-sized fibroid on my uterus as well as a painful, itchy, full body rash. I went to the dermatologist today and the rash was finally diagnosed as severe eczema, and I will hopefully be getting it under control now that I know what I’m dealing with. During the holidays I read the book Woman Code by Alisa Vitti and it became CRYSTAL clear to me that my problems are 110% hormone related.

So not only will I be taking the steps this year to take care of my own hormones, but I will be doing it the natural way as much as possible. AND I will be sharing here with you guys.

So here I am now, on January 2nd, 2018, feeling refreshed in every way. I needed time to process, and to begin to heal from the inside. And now I want to share with you my intentions for the year and a few things you can expect to find on the blog in 2018!

A few things you can expect to see on the blog in 2018:

+ dealing with hormone issues naturally, especially the topics of plant medicine, herbalism, herbs that help to shrink fibroids and nourish the adrenals, exercising with hormone issues, how to deal with high cortisol and low blood sugar, and how to heal skin problems naturally

+ lots of healthy, simple, plant-based recipes full of protein. I am not going full vegan on ya again, but I have been incorporating a lot of plants into my healing regime. I have discovered so many yummy combinations and simple ways to spruce things up with my currently very limited diet… so I will be sharing as much as possible! Desserts too!

+ speaking of recipes, lots of healthy adaptogen-filled elixirs. I have been SUPER into dandelion tea with chaga, reishi, ashwagandha, and chickweed… and I have lots of recipes to share so you can make your own at home!

+ SELF-CARE, times a million. I am starting the year with a full Panchakarma the week after next, and I am so excited. You can read all about my last Panchakarma here, with details of what the treatment is. I will also be focusing heavily on acupuncture and cupping every week (with my acupuncturst Dr. Kara, I highly recommend her if you live in LA!), infrared sauna, kundalini, meditation, journaling, and my morning self-care routine. I will be sharing all of it here, and the new things that I discover!

+ my spirituality go-to’s like reiki, manifesting, intention setting, astrology (hello, SPIRIT JUICE!), mediums, and how to get in touch with your intuition to heal your life from the inside out.

+ MOON PHASES, zodiac signs, & astrology deets in general. <3

+ TRAVEL! I have some fun travel plans in the works, including a retreat I will be hosting in Kauai in June. Stay tuned for more details on that! I will also be going back to Bali, and spending some time in my favorite places — New York and Ojai to name a few. Of course my BALI recap is coming. Even weekend trips, as those will be a big part of my 2018.

+ podcast episodes with some of my greatest idols & inspirations. Send any recommendations you have my way when it comes to podcast guests! I have lots of goodies lined up for you!

+ more in the moment, real time, lifestyle, shorter posts. A huge goal of mine this year is to share more on the blog. Once I started my podcast, my blog took a bit of a backseat. I don’t love keeping it that way, because writing is my bread and butter… and was my first ever way to connect with you guys. I don’t ever want to lose that. My goal is to share more on the blog this year, even if it means keeping some of the posts short and sweet, and simply about my lifestyle & personal life!

+ the importance of a CLEAN, ZEN SPACE. I will be moving this year, and I fully intend on moving into my dream home with lots of clean, zen, open space. Learning to keep my space more open and tidy has been a game changer & something I am yearning to write more about!

Other than that… tell me what YOU want to see. I know my blog has taken a new direction over the years, and it’s become a full-blown lifestyle. From spiritual techniques to having a podcast to manifesting the life of your dreams and now HERBALISM… I love that you guys have stuck with me on this path toward doing & sharing what I love most.

Also, the above are my intentions for the New Year. I will also write them out in tomorrow’s post so you can read them more clearly! It should give you an indictor of what I will naturally be writing about on the blog.

As you can see, it’s all about self-care, herbalism, syncing with my cycle, and more. If you’re looking for resources on cycle syncing, I DEVOURED the book Woman Code while I was home! I highly recommend, I think you guys will love it and I truly think every woman should read it. It’s so empowering to learn the ins and outs of our bodies.

Tomorrow I will be sharing a post about how to set your intentions for the year, since it’s a question I receive frequently! Let me know if you have any pressing questions about it here on this post and I will include it in the intention setting post.

Wishing you all the happiest, healthiest New Year. We will crush this year together and we will all feel our absolute best… I can feel it!

XO,

Jordan

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Ah, it feels so good to be back on the blog. I know I said I was planning to blog from Bali, but guess what? My laptop crashed and wouldn’t turn on all throughout our trip, so my post from China was the first and last update I was able to write from vacation.

While retrograde hit me hard and I was super bummed at first, it was actually such a blessing in disguise. Without a computer or the ability to do any work, I was able to get so deep into my relaxation and completely check out in the trip, which re-inspired and invigorated me in so many ways.

More to come on all of that. I will do lots and lots of Bali recaps as I finally ease back into real-life over here, but today I wanted to bring you a matcha recipe featuring my FAVORITE new Vital Proteins Matcha Collagen… and I’ll tell you why.

Why Matcha for the Coffee Addict?!

When we were traveling around Bali I allowed myself to pretty much eat and drink whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. For a control freak with food allergies and a past with eating disorders… food freedom on vacation is always AMAZING for my mind, but very tricky waters for my body.

My body is sensitive AF. I can eat as I please for a few days, which still includes my staple musts like remaining gluten-free, dairy-free, and having no refined sugar. But after a few days, things start to feel funky in my body. My digestion starts going out of whack, my stomach starts hurting, I don’t sleep well, the bloat is out of control, on and on.

So when I am on a 14-day trip eating some of the yummiest foods I’ve ever had in my life, you can imagine things went a little wonky for my bod! I was eating foods I know I have allergies to like eggs, gluten-free toast (#yum), alllll of the coffee, certain veggies, lots of fruits, ridiculously delicious desserts, and more.

And if you’re thinking I’m crazy for doing that while KNOWING how it would make me feel, I probably am. But also, a girl’s gotta live and I do believe in the mental freedom of easing up on our rules every so often, especially in a new country where the food is fresh as can be and MIGHT not cause the same issues, so it’s always worth a shot.

By our 10th, 11th, and 12th days… when we were staying at Nihiwatu, otherwise known as the #1 rated resort in the WORLD (more on that later), my physical reactions to food were getting so bad it was really hindering the trip. My body was freaking out and I had a perpetual migraine / headache that wouldn’t go away.

In other words, I felt like SH*T.

But this was another blessing in disguise, because I finally noticed exactly what kinds of foods I need to stay away from, and which ones I can be more lenient with.

While we were in Ubud and I was eating mostly raw vegan foods, I felt great. I was full of energy and unless I had the random red pepper or mushroom in my meal by accident I was completely fine and felt abundant and wonderful.

But it was when we left Ubud (otherwise known as “the holistic city” #swoon) and I started really loading up on the coffee, getting super lenient with gluten-free breads (all the hotels had SUCH GOOD homemade gluten-free breads!) and eggs and desserts that things started getting real bad.

In Nihiwatu I ate it all, falling back into my old trap of, “Wait, WHY am I feeling this way? I eat so well! This isn’t fair!” But in hindsight I was doing it to myself. It’s unfortunate to have to be so careful, but if I want to feel well then it is an absolute must.

Because of that, when we left Nihiwatu I made a promise to myself and to Jonathan (who was so patient and amazing and sweet with me while I complained and cried and laid in bed with a migraine and felt like crap for days on end): No more coffee. No more grains (even g-free grains). No more eggs. No more desserts with real sugar. Until I get this stomach issue back on track.

he is so patient with me

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I will share a lot more details when I go into more detail about the trip itself, but THAT, my friends, is why I am on the matcha train right now.

In fact, I have always loved matcha. I usually even drink matcha after having coffee! But my body is really loving and thriving off of cutting it way back on the caffeine train and sticking to matcha.

I use Vital Proteins Matcha Collagen which I am hosting a GIVEAWAY (!!!) for right now on Insta. We are giving away three canisters to YOUUU GUYS as long as you’re in the U.S. and Canada. All you have to do is comment on my photo with the matcha, tag three friends, and tell me why you want to win!

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So let’s talk about some matcha facts:

+ matcha green tea is packed with antioxidants, which can help fight free radicals in the body and promote long-term health.

+ rich in fiber, chlorophyll and vitamins

+ enhances mood and aids in concentration

+ calms the mind and relaxes the body

+ the powerful polyphenol EGCG in matcha is known to boost metabolism and burn calories (just an added bonus to the health benefits

+ provides slow & sustained energy versus the jolt and jitters that coffee gives us, so it’s also easier on our adrenals + hormones (the BIGGEST plus for me)

and then the additional health benefits of the Vital Proteins Matcha Collagen are the collagen benefits…

+ the most abundant protein in the body.

+ responsible for the maintenance of healthy connective tissues, such as bones, joints, skin, hair, and nails.

UMMMM, yes please.

My favorite way to enjoy matcha is either with hot water or steamed with warm coconut milk. My favorite yummy matcha holiday recipe is below!

Holiday Coconutty Matcha // TBB Style

Ingredients:

+ 1 scoop Vital Proteins Matcha Collagen

+ 1 cup warm coconut milk (easy to find at Whole Foods or any healthy grocery store), heated up on the stove or in the microwave

+ 1 tablespoon coconut butter

+ a few shakes cinnamon

+ a few shakes pumpkin pie spice

Method:

+ heat the coconut milk on the stove or in the microwave

+ melt the coconut butter if you want it to blend smoothly

+ add all ingredients into a high-speed blender and blend until smooth

ENJOY this creamy and delicious holiday treat! I like to have this first thing in the morning and then have breakfast about an hour or two later.

Matcha is so much easier on our hormones than coffee is, so even though I am saying goodbye to my BELOVED coffee for now… my adrenals, liver, skin, and energy levels will thank me. Trust me, nothing additional needs to be messing with my cortisol levels right now!

I hope you all enjoy this recipe, and I am sending so much love to you this holiday season! Thank you for baring with me while my posting schedule has been all over the place… Spirit Juice and the blog will be much more consistent in 2018 and I can’t wait. <3

And don’t forget to enter the Vital Proteins giveaway on Insta for a chance to win! It will be open until the day after Christmas! Thank you to Vital Protein for sponsoring this post and providing such healthy deliciousness for us all. I continue to feel so lucky to partner with brands I adore. XX

Hiiii guys! I am writing to you from the Guangzhou Baiyun airport right now, which is a little city in China that is… interesting, to say the least.

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you may have seen on my social media that i spent the weekend in portland & bend, oregon running a TRAIL RACE and exploring both adorable cities — and i have to say, i am in love. with all of it.

trail running included, even though the race itself was HARDER than life… probably harder for me than the full LA Marathon, but i’ll get to that!

there is so much i want to break down in this post, like my favorite spots in portland, what it was like running a half marathon in the mountains after taking a huge break from running, and how amazing it was to be in nature and reconnect to the earth in such a powerful way.

oh, and how fun it was to celebrate the love of my life’s birthday on our trip. he turned 31 yesterday, and ran 31 miles on saturday. he is a boss.

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let’s start with portland.

we only got to spend two nights in portland, which was not nearly enough given the amount of things i was dying to do there, but we used our time to the fullest and had such a blast.

we stayed in the CUTEST airbnb that i will definitely be staying in again & again, slightly south of the city but only about 10 minute drive into the downtown area. it makes me wish LA was not so spread out, it would make life a trillion times easier!

jonathan and i flew in on wednesday night and our friend alexi flew in thursday morning to join us — so for all the people wondering on instagram “who took that photo of you guys in bed?!?!” it was alexi, aka the best photog ever. but i have been known to self timer that shit as well, so no judgement on those who thought it was timered, lol!

thursday morning we took it nice and slow, which was SO BEYOND NEEDED. we had all been working nonstop before the trip to ensure that we could relax and take some time off while we were there, so the exhaustion was very real on thurs morning (for me, at least… i needed to take it EASY now that i was finally on vaycay!).

we hung out in our airbnb, sipped some coffee, and ventured into the city in the late morning for brunch at Harlow, which had been highly recommended to me by SO MANY OF YOU (you guys are awesome).

when we arrived at the restaurant, i immediately knew it was a place i was going to fall in love with. their menu is all vegetarian, with tons of gluten-free yumminess, smoothies, bowls, egg dishes, etc. basically my heaven.

i ended up ordering the “betty bowl” even though EVERYTHING looked so good, and i had to fight myself not to order the Harlow Latte with hazelnut-cashew milk (you guys know i am a sucker for delicious coffee drinks) but after the coffee i’d already had, i knew that would be a bad idea.

i opted for the iced earl grey latte instead (same milk, no honey), and it was delish.

i believe i said multiple times while eating that bowl, “if this was available everywhere, being plant-based would be ridiculously easy.” TRUTH, although you know i love that variety.

after we ate, we walked around the cute street we were on before making our way over to NW 23rd street to do some shopping and strolling around that street, as a bunch of people told us that was a great place to explore!

we spent the day popping into cute shops with CRYSTALS, adorable cards, quirky books and oregonian t-shirts, and i can safely say i fell in love with all of it. i bought a book on mindfulness meditation called “the things you can see only when you slow down,” which i felt was a TOTAL sign because so many people have been reminding me, ever so gently yet ever so often, to SLOW THE F DOWN.

my acupuncturist gave me a 25 minute speech about the importance of slowing down the day before i left, and then when i saw that book i knew it was placed in my hands for a reason.

portland has the CUTEST book stores, i could get lost in them for days and days on end. last time i was in portland i think i spent an entire day in Powell’s book store — the hugest i’ve ever seen, with a fiction section that bursted my heart open with it’s vastness.

J & i took a yoga class at Yoga Pearl in the late afternoon, which was so freaking nice after siting on the plane and also getting our bodies ready for the race. it’s always hard for me to take yoga at places i’ve never been before because i am such a creature of habit with my studios, but Yoga Pearl is beautiful and the experience of being in the space alone made me feel very oregon-esque.

then the three of us went to Bamboo Sushi for dinner (huge winner) and next-door to Salt & Straw for ice cream afterward!

i am not the hugest ice cream person, but holy shit that ice cream was good. i had chocolate gooey brownie and almond brittle, because if i’m going to have ice cream… i’m going to go all out.

thennnn we headed to bend!

i told you our time in portland was way too short! we woke up the next morning to meet our friends (electric flight crew!!!) at the airport to head to Bend, and admittedly i was a stress basket for a multitude of reasons.

ONE, i had found out that morning that someone very dear to me had passed away. my next post will be about her, so you guys will learn more soon. secondly, i do not like waking up and scrambling to get to the airport without time to eat breakfast or get all my stuff together. we were pretty rushed, we didn’t know a whole lot about where we could get healthy food in a pinch before our 3 and a half hour drive to Bend, and we were walking around downtown trying to agree on a place with ALL of our luggage and bags.

i went into Kure Juice because i recognized it from my last trip to portland and had probably the best oatmeal of my LIFE. J & alexi decided on whole foods, where we met some people who drove us to the airport in their cross-country road trip van (great story, new friends hehe), arriving at the bus with plenty of time (and me thinking i left my purse and laptop in the road trip van which thankfully i did not, but there was a minor panic attack that’s for sure), and then driving to Bend.

we stopped in the super cute yet totally not wellness friendly town of Governor’s Camp on the way, had some less than decent Mexican food, and eventually made it to Bend 4 hours later. it was a BEAUTIFUL drive, with rolling green hills and tons of lush, gorgeous mountain scenery that we simply do not get in LA or anywhere near.

THE RACE!

i will skip our welcome dinner with Under Armour and my scramble to try to get to sleep early which really didn’t happen because i was starting to get so nervous about the half in the mountains, once i officially heard how insane the elevation and the hills were… BUT with jonathan running the full 50k, i felt a lot better about my own *short in comparison* 13.1 mile distance.

it had been a while since i had woken up for a race. over a year, in fact. the last race i ran was the Vine, Body, Sole Half Marathon in Napa LAST May! i took a long running break after my Panchakarma and during my teacher training in favor of slower, more low-intensity exercise, but a few months ago i knew i was ready to dive back into more running. because i love it, even though that ish is hard.

running is like a moving meditation for me. it’s certainly not easy for me the way it comes naturally to some people, but i think that’s one of the things i love most about it. running is a huge challenge for me. even when i am very well trained for a race, it takes my body several miles to warm up and to feel up to speed (literally).

but once i get into my groove, it becomes a true out-of-my-head, reflective, meditative experience. this time was no different, even though… the entire half marathon was on a TRAIL, so way high up in the mountains. to give you an idea of the elevation and incline, it looked a little something like this:

intense, right?! and yes, that downhill from about mile 2 – mile 5 felt like pretty much the best thing of my entire life. that’s when i really got into my groove and felt like the race would be a piece of cake after my MAJOR uphill “warmup.”

the first hill was freakishly hard. it was one of those hills that is so steep, there is zero point in trying to run it because you’d burn yourself out in .2 seconds. my mind was doing crazy things during that uphill climb… including convincing myself that the race was going to be my demise and that i’d never be able to finish it if the entire thing was as hard as that first massive hill.

of course, as all things do, it got easier after my body was warm and my mind started to calm down. plus, i kept thinking about jonathan who was in the middle of his 50k while we were doing the half — and that inspired me more than words can even begin to say. (50k is 31 MILES!)

after mile 6 or so when the incline started to get really steep again, i decided to be easy on myself and walk as much as i needed to. this made the race super enjoyable, because there was no pressure to keep moving fast the whole time — it was a slow and steady, enjoy the scenery, take in the mountains, and give love to the growing tightness in my hip flexors and calves by walking it out kind of race, and just jogging when it felt right.

the last 4-ish miles were when it started to feel particularly painful & hard. because of all of the inclines, my iPhone “Health App” now told me i had gone 17 miles. that’s 4 miles more than a half… and i knew i had several miles to go! it was starting to get really frustrating not knowing where i was, or how much further i had to go, but when i finally past the “Mile 9” marker i knew i had it in me to go 4.1 further.

and also because of the inclines, going 0.5 of a mile felt like a full 4 miles in itself. it was killing me! but i tapped into my breath, took in the serenity of the total silence around me, and kept going. i knew i was so close to finishing! my hips and calves were screaming, but my lungs felt 100% fine which was nice considering the major elevation and altitude!

i also had a moment out there talking to the person who passed away this weekend that i was close to — i’ll get more into that in my post about her, but it was very special and oh so calming.

because i allowed myself to walk so much throughout the race, the final half mile was really not so bad at all. i knew i was SO close to the finish, so after the last big hill i jogged through to the finish line and found our EFC crew.

i foam rolled it out, watched alexi finish her 5k (she sprained her ankle last month or else she would have been in the half with me!), and all of us anxiously awaited jonathan crossing the finish line of his 50k… ahhh!!

watching him finish was hands down one of the coolest, most memorable experiences i’ve ever had. he texted us when he was 45 minutes out, and my anxiety level was WAY TOO HIGH to not go right down there to start waiting at the finish line so i rallied everyone down there to get our beers & cameras ready and… wait.

the giddiness was way too much fun. every single one of us got to soak in the excitement of his massive accomplishment because it is just so freaking amazing to know someone who is finishing such a huge, challenging race — let alone be madly in love with that person.

he came through pretty much right when we thought he would (a full hour earlier than his goal time!!!) like a TOTAL champ, and by far the best part of my entire day was giving him a huge, beer-soaked hug and kiss at the finish line.

it’s an incredible feeling to be with someone who motivates you to be the best version of yourself, huge physical challenges and all, but that’s a blog post for another day.

not to mention, he ran this race for his BIRTHDAY which is just incredibly cool and inspirational.

then we celebrated the night away in Bend, checking out some super adorable spots like Bend Brew Co, a cute little pub that i didn’t catch the name of, and a hilarious but AWESOME “night club” called Seven.

safe to say, we had a really freaking amazing time. i even had two cocktails AND a shot, and you guys know for me… that is a LOT.

all in all, the trip was incredibly fun. it was so awesome to be somewhere new surrounded by so many good people that we love, to push ourselves and do something VERY HARD but very awesome, and ultimately — to watch J finish his 50k and totally crush it.

now i am dying to go back to portland AND to bend to hit up all the cute, healthy, yogi spots that we didn’t have time for on this trip!!! do you have any oregon faves that i missed?! any trail racing or half marathon / 50k experiences of your own?! i’d love to hear!! XO

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writing to you from the beautiful, magical, sun-soaked island of MAUI in hawaii! i am currently sitting on my balcony, cross-legged (duh), overlooking the ocean, listening to the rolling waves crash into the shore, and spying down on my cute parents, sister, and niece chillin’ by the pool while i chug kombucha and type out this post.

( fun fact: i have been told that i have an unusually loud typing-noise, and i think it’s because i type like an absolute maniac. my fingers move PSYCHOTICALLY fast, not as fast as my brain, but i have had a lot of practice over the years so it can sound pretty wild… lol. just thought of this because i was just in ojai with some of my best girlfriends + this came up a LOT! )

i have so much i want to share with you about ojai, my insanely amazing spiritual experience with energy alchemy while i was there, maui so far, and more, BUT today is somethin’ special and i want to get right to it.

( i’m working on posts about everything else that will be live while i am here in hawaii! )

my blogging journey!

so i recorded a solo podcast episode before i left town the other day, which you can listen to here.

it is all about my blogging journey…

including the details of how i stumbled into even starting a blog / instagram, what my life in New York looked like when i first started blogging (while in grad school!), the first product i developed, the second/third/fourth products i developed and how they worked / didn’t work (because trust me, some did NOT!), WHY i decided to start blogging full-time, some deets of my eating disorder (i mean, it was happening at the same time so…. couldn’t avoid talking about it! #OPENBOOK), what i’ve learned, how to prevent burnout, etc.

it was a really fun episode to record because sometimes it can be so nice to just talk directly into the microphone and share with you guys in that way. there are no other energies to balance (as much as i love / adore / am obsessed with my guests) and i can just SHARE. from the heart & soul. one of you awesome humans told me it was like having a long, deep chat together. and that is ALL i want, so that made me very happy.

sharing my blogging journey with you guys and hearing HOW MANY OF YOU are into starting your own blog, have started blogs and are thinking about diving in full-time or more seriously, or have an idea for another creative business really got me thinking.

i want to provide really tangible, helpful info for those of you who are diving into this awesome industry. so i will definitely be doing a lot more podcasts on the topic (woo!) and can’t wait to share more on that front.

huge tip below, one of the juiciest & biggest and i don’t talk about it that often so let’s dive into it!

let’s talk about MENTORS!

i have a lot of mentors. i am really lucky, as you’ll learn in the podcast episode, because i am surrounded by successful, driven individuals from my BFF / business guru brandin, to my boyfriend / business guru / teacher extraordinaire jonathan, to my entrepreneurial & extremelyly business-savvy dad (in fact, all he wants to ever talk about is business lol), to my longtime idol & spiritualality-meets-branding mentor gabby bernstein, to my agents and managers, to BOOKS (so avail to all of us), and so much more.

i believe that having a valuable, trustworthy, confident mentor is one of the most tangible and realistic steps that you can take when it comes to formulating ideas and a plan for your new business. it also makes things more FUN, because you have someone to bounce ideas off of (or a whole community, depending on whether your mentor has a community or social presence to join in on!!) and someone to learn from.

in many cases, having a mentor helps prevent some of the errors in the inevitable trial & error process of starting a business. not all, because they ARE inevitable and you’ll want them because you’ll learn from them — but the big no-no’s that could crash and burn your excitement and your ideas are the ones they’ll help you avoid.

AN OFFER, for those who are ready to take the next step with their business + ideas!

one of my top mentors, the beautiful and beyond successful & abundant gabby bernstein, offers an annual Spirit Junkie Masterclass Digital Course that can be done in the comfort of your own home & will legit rock your world.

if you’ve been reading along lately, then you know i’ve mentioned it a lot, but TOMORROW is the final day to sign up. so really, i’d do it today. (who has time to fret about doing it at the very, very, very last sec?)

it’s rockstars like GB who have paved the way for so many of us wellness-obsessed entrepeneurs to create businesses off of the things we love most!

gabby’s masterclass signup link is open for ONE more day, and you can sign up here!

there are a lot of things that set this course apart from so, so many other business + spirituality courses out there that are similar.

in general, i don’t promote business courses. i had a few bad experiences and i even had a bad-ish experience in grad school (#gradschooldropout), so if i’m going to tell you about something it’s going to be because it’s different, BETTER, more practical, and more spiritually aligned with my mission (and hopefully yours too!).

a huge thing that makes gabby’s course different is that there is LIIIIVE energy within the course!! although it’s all online, it has been filmed in ultra-crisp HD video and audio beforehand with the super fun, electric energy of a LIVE crowd because that’s how she filmed the entire thing with her amazing rockstar guests! you’ll feel like you’re right in the room, with the best seat in the house.

it’s truly one of a kind. she is goals.

by the way you’ll also have lifetime access, so if you’re like me and you’re terribly fearful to commit to something big like this for fear that “it’s not the right time, i already have SO MUCH GOING ON!!” then you don’t have to worry about that. the course will be available to you at ANY time throughout the year. but you can only sign up now!

more amazing deets:

gabby, like me, believes that the fastest path to business success starts with enriching your spiritual practice. in my opinion and in my experience, you really truly cannot create something meaningful & huge & abundant without first having that deep, authentic, spiritual relationship with yourself.

and I’m not talking about religion. i’m talking KNOW YOSELF! meditation! yoga! journaling! DEEP. DIVE. discover what it is that makes your heart beat a little faster, and go after it.

throughout the course you’ll learn techniques and methods that will help you tune in to your inner wisdom and really hear what’s calling you. we all have access to that, but so many of us are shut off to it.

this course is about SO much more than just getting stellar business training — it’s also about creating the kind of spiritual experience that allows you to embrace your purpose and take action with conviction and confidence you’ve never felt before.

you don’t need any pre-requisites or a pre-existing business, and it’s totally cool if you do or don’t! the only, only, only requirement is your willingness to grow and serve.

boom! yes! do ittttt. signup is here, and it’s available until tomorrow, june 29th, and 6pm EST.

that is my TOP tip for creating the business + life of your dreams. to commit to something bigger than yourself. learn firsthand from someone as knowledgeable and incredibly successful as gabby B (new york times best-selling author and so much more!).

my other top tips for starting a blog & growing a business…

+ stick to what you’re passionate about // if you’re going to create a blog, make sure it is relevant to a topic you could talk ENDLESSLY about! you never know what this might turn into for you and you don’t want to set yourself up to get burnt out or to run out of ideas.

+ join a passionate community of likeminded individuals! // this could be anything from a Facebook group (the soul on fire podcast tribe on FB is on FLEEK, just sayin!), a fitness or wellness community or studio in your area, a blogging network online, a newsletter where you can chat with other people who are on a similar path as you, or even make friends on instagram!

+ engage with others, support, and don’t compare yourself // i think what really sets successful bloggers apart is the non-competetive and non-comparison factor. there is room for all of us. there are billions of people on the internet. support your fellow bloggers and they will do the same in return!! engage authentically with their posts and content. and don’t get too wrapped up in what they’re doing and/or try to imitate, you do YOU and that’s all you need to focus on!

+ MORE !! listen to the pod episode to dive deeper with me, and head to my GABBY landing page for full info on the spirit junkie masterclass and to join this journey of a lifetime while it’s still available!

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