Also… fun idea! If you are subscribed to the blog and getting the emails straight to your inbox, introduce yourself to me via email and say hi! It always makes it more real for me and fun to hear about you. Tell me: who you are, where you live, your age, your profession, and a FUN RANDOM FACT! And if you’re not subscribed but you want to be, you can do that here!

And another new fun happening of the moment… I am updating my YouTube again! My fabulous assistant Carlyn happens to be a BOMB video editor, so we uploaded this video last Thursday! Would love to know your thoughts + also suggestions & requests for YouTube! I am just getting back on my game so trying to remember to bring the vlog cam with me, etc. So we promise they’ll only get more and more detailed and fun to watch as time goes on!

ANYWAY! Let’s talk about what you came here for!

What I Eat In a Day //

This is probably the most frequently asked question I get on the blog and Instagram. I have been hesitant to share because there can be a lot of comparison out there and I don’t ever want you to feel like you need to eat what I eat in order to feel good and be healthy.

If there is anything I have learned over the years, it is that all of us require a totally different combo of nutrients in order to feel our BEST and feel satiated — it depends so much upon our lifestyle, activity level, overall health quality ( I am sick so I fall into a diff category than most ), genetics, metabolism, and more.

But regardless, if you’re here you probably already know that and just want me to get to the point. I just want to make it clear that this is how I eat right now, and how I eat is always changing and fluctuating! Sometimes I am all raw and other times I can’t stand raw and I am all about cooked foods. I will do a YouTube video on this too so that you have a visual.

A few things I want you to know before we get into it also:

+ my Lyme treatments make me feel very nauseous so I haven’t had much of an appetite these days — I eat snacks throughout the day to make sure I am getting enough nutrients and protein in my bod

+ I am in a place of acute sickness which requires LOTS OF EXTRA veggies, supplements, nutrients, superfoods, and minerals. Don’t feel like you need to run out and spend $92389283 on superfoods just to be on my level — this is out of a place of necessity right now!

So… let’s get to it!

BREAKFAST //

My usual breakfast is a green smoothie, all the way. I am 100% about it. It is such a great way to get an abundance of nutrients, superfoods, protein, and vitamins and minerals but also easy on the stomach first thing in the A.M. for those of us ( like me ), who don’t feel “hungry” until later in the day.

For many years I actually skipped breakfast in favor of a Bulletproof coffee & the intermittent fasting lifestyle, but for my adrenals and my particular hormones and overall health right now, that was really not working for me anymore. It was taxing my adrenals and raising my cortisol and messing things UP!! So now I eat breakfast even when I don’t feel particularly hungry for it and it has been very good for my hormone health and anxiety levels.

My go-to green smoothie //

1-2 large overripe bananas (YES I am into ripe bananas! Some people will tell you they are full of sugar and you should eat them when they are more green because then they are a resistant starch, but I much prefer them to be sweeter and they are easier on my personal digestion when they are really ripe)

1-2 large handfuls of organic kale or organic spinach

1/2 cup blueberries

1 tbsp spirulina (amazing for killing bacteria & detoxing heavy metals in the body)

1 tbsp chlorella

1 tbsp maca

1/4 cup cilantro (works hand in hand with the chlorella and spirulina to detox heavy metals in the body and other gunk)

1 tbsp cacao (I love chocolate, I am a chocolate freak!)

1 cup homemade almond milk

1 tbsp almond butter (for those healthy fats!)

1/2 cup ice

BLEND!

Sometimes I even make it a smoothie bowl  

My reasoning for all of the superfoods is that I am currently in a very sick body, and I need ALLLL of the superfoods and extra nutrients / vitamins / minerals that I can get. Spirulina, chlorella, and cilantro work wonders for detoxing the body. Bananas, blueberries, and leafy greens are full of vital nutrients and vitamins that my body needs right now to fight disease.

I also do CELERY JUICE which you can read all about in the Medical Medium, which I usually have first thing in the morning before I have my smoothie or anything else. I juice 1 large stalk of celery in my juicer or when I am not feeling up to juicing myself, I walk down the street to Whole Foods! Always make sure to use organic if you are juicing celery, and clean it thoroughly: it can be a goldmine for bugs and parasites!

THEN I have either an organic decaf coffee, a chaga latte (using my Four Sigmatic mushroom blends), an iced cold brew with homemade nut milk (if I am feeling like my adrenals and hormones can handle real coffee, which is something I try to have less than 50% of the time for hormone balance + alkalinity reasons), or just lots more water!

I also take a ton of supplements in the morning that are prescribed by my Lyme doctor. Currently I take a thyroid supplement, a Pregnenlone supplement (hormone regulation), use a testosterone cream, and take about 30 Lyme + parasite killing herbal supps! Because of all of these supplements it is very important for me to eat breakfast, which is another reason I no longer intermittent fast.

LUNCH //

Since my breakfast is usually full of greens, from my morning smoothie to the celery juice, I sometimes feel like continuing down the green veggie train or having something a little more starch based.

Currently I have been loving either having a second smoothie of the day, where I try to switch up the greens (for instance I will use something like arugula, romaine, or a diff type of lettuce than I used in my morning smoothie) and add a different type of fat like avocado or coconut meat instead of the almond butter and almond milk. I often have lunch when I am out and about, so I will get a smoothie like this at Erewhon or Whole Foods on the way to a doctor’s appointment most days! ( I am usually at the doctor’s office getting treatment 3 days a week right now. )

If I have a second smoothie I make sure it has some kind of superfoods in it: either maca, spirulina, bee pollen, moringa, chlorella, clean plant protein (right now I am loving SILVER FERN for plant protein), or all of the above.

Other times I am more in the mood for roasted veggies so I will do a combo of roasted potatoes ( I AM VERY into white potatoes right now, which you can also read all about the benefits of in the Medical Medium !!!), broccoli, squash, and cauliflower with something like my plant based nacho cheese dip! Sometimes also with black beans, like below! Yummmm.

Other times it will be a huge kale salad with salt-free pinto beans, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, sliced figs (or any yummy seasonal fruit), dates, avocado, and a lemon-tahini dressing that I make simply with JUST tahini, lemon, and a bit of water!

The salad I live for…!

SNACKS //

Throughout the day I almost always have a large carrot juice, either juiced myself or from a local juice bar or Whole Foods. I usually add in a lot of ginger for anti-inflammatory purposes and other incredible health benefits!! Other times I will have a large green juice with all the goods and lots of ginger also.

Another go-to snack of mine is a plant-based protein bar. I am loving the “No Junk” bars that I just pick up at Whole Foods and I also love RXBars. RXBars are not vegan but if you’re okay with some egg whites in your diet I think they’re delicious, full of nutrients, and always hit the spot.

Lastly… I am known for always having homemade SOS-free granola, salt-free cashews and almonds in my bag!!

DINNER //

Usually by the end of the day lately I am EXHAUSTED and very, very depleted of energy. This is largely in part to Lyme and the treatments I do every week. So I am all about the QUICK & EASY dinners.

I either meal prep veggies, where I will roast them (usually squash, broccoli, cauliflower, and sliced potatoes) at 400 degrees for 45 mins to an hour with paprika, thyme, and lemon juice. I do this in big batches and keep them in Tupperware for the week, and then I eat them with my nacho cheese dip, some white rice (if my stomach is tolerating grains on that particular day / week), legumes, or a big pile of steamed greens!

If I am not having my roasted veggies which are truly my GO-TO, I will also frequently bake a potato ( either white potato or sweet potato) and stuff it with mashed avocado, black or pinto beans, lemon juice, and baked tempeh.

To bake my tempeh I just buy the brand Light Life at Whole Foods or Erewhon, shop it into really thin slices, and bake it at 450 degrees for about 20 mins (watch so it doesn’t burn) and spice it with turmeric and paprika! SO yummy! It also makes a great salad topping and has tons of protein in it, if you can handle what it is made with (fermented soy and grains — make sure you’re always buying non-GMO if you eat soy).

TEMPEH!

And if I am not having any of the above, I will resort to a delish packed kale salad very similar to the one I described above that I sometimes have for lunch.

I ALMOST ALWAYS finish my day with chocolate! I am a huge, huge fan of Addictive Wellness chocolate because it’s completely sugar-free and full of superfoods and vital herbs and polyphenols. You can listen to the founders on last week’s TBB Podcast episode, and use the code BLONDE on their website for 10%!

I also love finishing the day with a steamed cup of almond milk or coconut milk with lots of Four Sigmatic’s Mushroom Hot Cacao in it. Use code BLONDE for a discount there as well… I truly live for that stuff.

Oh heyyy mushroom hot cacao!

Since the way I eat is totally intuitive ( which you can read more about here ) I really do switch it up every day. This is a typical day of meals but it is always changing. The one constant is that it’s always intuitive, plant-based ( for now ), and full of nutrients / superfoods / supplements / veggies. If my body is feeling EXTRA sick and rundown, I stick to liquids like juice and smoothies for a few days.

Would love your thoughts! How do you eat? Do you like intuitive, smoothies, lots of greens, lots of meat?! Tell me!

“You are the seeker. The powerful steel winged butterfly that creates and transforms and maneuvers through every blustery storm with force and a reckoning so strong that anything in your path who tries to stop you will wilt and crumble as you pass through it.  Be that force in your minds eye. See that storm! stare at it deeply! and with a wink and a flutter of your wings you will smile.. broadly and triumphantly, because you know… you are have the strength and the power. You are destined to do all that you desire to achieve. And nothing, nothing at all can stop you.”

She received that message for me in a meditation and it floored me, you guys. It floored me for so many reasons.

For one, it’s always so cool when an intuitive person you know who you truly and legitimately trust gets a message for you from above.

For two, it resonated so deeply because these words are exactly what I have needed to hear lately. I feel like there has been a STORM brewing in my life from every angle. With my health especially, but also with so many changes happening at once (mostly all good ones!) and an overall difficulty I have been having pushing myself to start what I REALLY want to do.

So, here is the mantra I have crafted for myself based off of this amazing message from MaryAnn & my guides:

NOTHING CAN STOP ME FROM ACHIEVING MY DREAMS AND SATIATING MY DESIRES. I AM LIMITLESS, AND I AM CREATING IN THE FLOW EVERY DAY.

Nothing! Literally nothing, nothing at all can stop me.

And nothing at all can stop you either.

By the way… my greatest desire and dream right now is to transcribe my process with Lyme into a book, and write a new memoir. This was my first memoir, and SO MUCH has changed since that time in my life. But writing it was one of the coolest things I have ever done, especially because I have dreamt since I was a little girl about being an author above all else.

Other dreams and desires I want to manifest and bring to life? Writing more fiction (novels!!), poetry, and more and more books. I really just want to be a book writer, and the truth is: I AM a book writer. I just am not working at it right now, because of a) being busy with other things, and b) FEAR.

So I am working HARD to rid myself of fear. We all have to do it. We all experience it. We’ve got to SHED those layers.

Simple Steps for Creating Your Own Mantra //

Ask yourself these questions…

+ What in your life do you DESIRE most?

+ What in your life do you feel is holding you back from manifesting those desires & bringing them to life?

+ What is your greatest gift?

+ Who is someone you admire, and what do you admire about them?

+ What is one simple action you can do every day to help you work towards what you desire?

I know these questions all sound very simple. Because they are! But how often do we stop, draw inward, and really get to the bottom of these core questions. Knowing what it is that we desire is key when it comes to creating a daily mantra. It can be as simple as cultivating inner peace, and as specific as WRITING A BOOK or HAVING A BABY or MEETING YOUR SOUL MATE.

Also, remembering your greatest gifts, the things that come naturally to you, can help you create your own mantra. If you are very good at being patient, or bringing friends together, or making shit happen, write it down! Add it into your mantra!

A mantra should always be affirmative, so for example “I am” vs. “I want to be.”

It can be as short as two words and as long as a full paragraph!! The more simple, the better. As you can see with mine, it reflects my deepest desire (to write a book) without exactly stating that — because I am open to being in the flow and creating whatever it is that wants to come through me! The healing part to me is that NOTHING is holding me back. Those words really hit home for me.

Okay, time to try to create your own!! Would love to hear yours!! Share them by commenting below or sending to me in an email response to this one. Are you subscribed to the bloggy? Subscribe here if you haven’t yet to get these blog posts straight to your email inbox, every day of September!

Side note… I am having fibroid surgery today!! Send me all of the good vibes — will check in with you guys ASAP and I can’t wait to tell you how it all goes.

I hope everyone had a beautiful weekend with friends, fam, loves, fur babies, or some good solo time because that is just as needed from time to time too.

I had the most magical weekend in Sacramento celebrating one of my best friends since kindergarten as she married her forever love, who is truly her PERFECT MATCH (!!!) and we got to celebrate their amazing relationship.

There is nothing like being home, having all of my hometown best friends in town, and getting to share more and more of my Sactown life with Jonathan. So much has changed since we were all in high school almost 10 years ago, but Sac will always be home + my childhood BFFs will always be like sisters.

Truth be told… I was determined to live in the moment this weekend and enjoy myself despite my raging Lyme symptoms, which always flare up even worse than usual when I travel. Between all of the excitement, the lack of sleep, the sips of alcohol I had at the wedding (guys, I was really living my best life), the dancing ANNND the travel (we missed our first flight home yesterday, no big deal) I pretty much started to feel down. for. the count.

I made the decision after being diagnosed that I will never let Lyme get in the way of celebrating these massive, once in a lifetime moments with my closest friends. YES Lyme did get in the way of me attending Eleni (the bride)’s bachelorette party for obvious reasons of what I can’t do (late nights, alcohol, travel unless necessary, my meds being a full-time job, you know) but nothing was going to stand in the way of me attending & enjoying her wedding. Because I push myself to do these things & be “on” for these types of weekends, which roll around more than you may think, I have to be mindful to take REAL GOOD care of myself before/during/after the fun and the events.

One of the main ways I stay on top of my health and prevent what I call “Lyme attacks” (anyone else with Lyme feel me on this?) from coming on is by maintaining a salt-oil-sugar-free plant-based diet.

Quickly before I get into that I’ll just tell you — a Lyme attack is no fun. I feel my Lyme symptoms about 99% of the time to begin with but they are basically livable especially because I am so used to them. Several days a week they flare up and keep me in bed, and once in a while I get a really bad attack that will knock me DOWN in a massive kind of way. It can be anything from such severe brain fog that I don’t even have a clue how to drive or speak or take care of Hudson / myself (it’s scary, I’m telling you) to more like crippling full body pain and what I call a “full body migraine.” You can imagine it. Another type of Lyme attack is severe nausea and/or severe insomnia. All of these things can make me feel truly batshit crazy, and miserable to the core. I try to avoid them at all costs.

Back to the diet!! The Whys, Hows & Huhs!

Ok I just want to chat again about why I am following a salt-oil-sugar-free plant-based diet and what it does for me. This seems to be a question I get upwards of 25x a day on Instagram so I wanted to address it again and give you a big update on how I feel!

I learned all about the lifestyle at True North Health Center where I stayed for nearly all of May doing a heavily supervised water fast for Lyme, fibroids, severe eczema, and other related health concerns. All of the doctors at True North advocate and live a salt-oil-sugar-free plant-based lifestyle for a variety of reasons. Some doctors I would highly recommend looking into to learn more about this topic are Dr. Goldhamer, Dr. Fuhrman, Dr. Klaper, and Dr. Neal Barnard.

The lifestyle can be followed for a variety of reasons that range from anti-inflammatory benefits, to anti-aging, to disease-fighting, to weight loss, and so much more, not to mention the cruelty-free aspects of veganism if you are passionate about that element on top of the health benefits.

I personally follow the diet to keep my Lyme symptoms at bay, reduce the severity and frequency of the Lyme attacks that I get, to keep my body mostly alkaline and eradicate the mold and parasites and other toxins that have built up over time, to keep my eczema and hives at bay, reduce my gut health issues (from SIBO to candida to the most severe IBS and bloat imaginable), and first and foremost… because it makes me feel the best I have felt in years.

(Cruelty-free is a huge added bonus!! I love animals so much it hurts, but I have ZERO judgment toward people who eat animal foods because I too have been there for my health and for many people eating animal foods is a necessity in order to be their healthiest.)

FAQ: What about beneficial elements of sodium, oils, and sugars?

A salt-oil-sugar-free plant-based diet is NOT 100% free from sodium, oils, and sugars. I get lots of sodium from natural plant foods and leafy greens, plenty of oils from nuts and seeds and other healthy fats, and plenty of naturally occurring sugars in fruits and starchy veggies. I would never advocate a sodium-free or oil-free diet *completely* (for most people at least) but when you are eating an abundance of healthy plant foods you are getting what you need in terms of nutrient breakdown.

I take PLENTY of supplements to manage all of the nutrient deficiencies I have from Lyme and co-infenctions. If I listed them all out here you’d freak because there are so many. Most of them are specific blends created by my Lyme doctor and they are keeping me in check, bringing my hormones back to balance, and getting my nutrient levels back to a stable place. I have a long way to go, but we are at least moving in the right direction.

If you’re wondering why else I try to avoid oils and salt and sugars, feel free to head to this post I wrote about SOS-free when I first dove into the lifestyle!

An Update on How I Feel!

The last time I wrote about SOS-free I was on top of the world! It was late May, right after I left True North and just days before I was diagnosed with Lyme (although I was suffering from the symptoms all year!). I was feeling really good despite the chronic exhaustion from Lyme, and soon after I started my meds and treatments and started herxing (the Lyme-world term for “it gets worse before it gets better, because infections are being killed and toxins are building up in your body before you release them”). So now I continue to live the unfortunate herx life, but remaining SOS-free keeps my symptoms at bay.

One reason why I was feeling so good at that time was because my histamine markers went from a 1300 (WAY, WAY, WAY OFF THE CHARTS) to a 600 (still off the charts) during the water fast and the switch to SOS-free, but my doctor and I would still like to get them down to about a 30. But that number getting cut in HALF shows you how much the lifestyle has been helping me keep the inflammation in my body down compared to where it was, which is the hugest plus in the world to me.

My histamine levels are currently still around 600, and I am getting them re-tested in two weeks. I feel them when they rise and fall, and SADLY they rose way up I felt when I started drinking coffee again. I wanted to try to incorporate coffee into my life a few mornings a week but sadly I think my body is still too toxin-ridden to be able to enjoy it even in moderation just yet.

FAQ: Am I SOS-free 100% of the time?

I have definitely not been 100% rigid about the SOS-free diet, because a girl’s gotta live! I go to dinners with friends, to people’s houses for dinner, and even certain things I get from Erewhon (the organic grocery store by me) have trace amounts of salts or oils. I notice with complete certainty when I eat something that is not SOS-free. It either bothers my stomach, gives me a headache, makes my skin break out, or makes my joints ache. Or all of the above. It also usually makes me bloat beyond belief. So I TRY to keep it SOS-free to the best of my ability with little “treats” here and there.

I love the balance between being mostly all SOS-free plus also living my life. That piece is necessary. I cooked every meal at home from the end of May until mid July, and while I felt really good from the diet it can definitely get isolating. That is not something I want in my life so I try to find the best of both worlds. Luckily Erewhon and a few other places in LA have SOS-free options so I can go out and live and have the foods I love, while also avoiding the things that make me sick.

Drinking alcohol this weekend, albeit less than a full drink, definitely knocked me down. I felt so hungover on Saturday and my hangover only progressed throughout the day. My nausea was out of control and my brain fog was so bad that I made the terrible judgement call to leave for the airport with less than an hour to spare before our flight so we totally missed it!! I had to laugh (even though I was so frustrated I also cried…) because it was so clear to me that being out of my routine, drinking, staying out late, etc. caused my brain fog to jump from a 10 to a 100. (BTW my drink of choice was/always is a vodka soda with lime. And I had the best time with my lifelong best friends & my love soooo it was worth it, since it’s SUCH A RARITY for me.)

This week I am back on the SOS-free train and very hopeful about how it makes me feel. The people in my life have noticed a huge shift. I can’t go anywhere without people saying, “YOU LOOK AMAZING!” “YOU’RE GLOWING!” “You look better than you have in so long!” etc. which feels great, but also is a little tough because on the inside I still don’t feel great at all. But at least I have found a way of eating that works for me.

FAQ: Does being oil-free help with skin issues?

Being oil-free has definitely helped my skin clear up although I still have a long way to go with my skin thanks to the Lyme toxins. My rashes have gone way down on my body and although I do get some flareups, they are NOTHING like they were earlier this year before I started treatment and before I started eating this way.

FAQ: Does it help with bloat / swelling?

And I have noticed a significant reduction in bloat, facial swelling, puffy face / eyes, and everything along those lines since being SOS-free.

FAQ: Best part about it?

Probably the best part about the lifestyle is that I feel ridiculously good eating this way. My health is still totally blah but I know the immense difference between feeling blah AND having issues with the food I am eating, and feeling blah but on the right track with my food.

FAQ: Is it hard?

Honestly for me it is not hard at all, but maybe that’s because I know what it’s like to feel like complete SH*T from the inside out, and I try to avoid that feeling however I possibly can. When you’re sick as can be, lifestyle/dietary choices come from a place of necessity rather than a place of leisurely choice. When they come from that place of sheer NECESSITY, they really aren’t that hard. It’s what I’ve gotta do to maintain my health and live my life to the best of my ability right now.

FAQ: Good recipes?

Here is a fave that I shared on Instagram today… SOS-FREE COOKIE DOUGH!

COOKIE DOUGH RECIPE //
• 1 cup salt free garbanzo beans
• 1 cup salt free great northern beans
• 2 tbsp almond butter
• 2 tbsp cashew butter
• 2 tbsp tahini (you can use all the same nut / seed butter to make it easy but i like the variety)
• 2 tbsp yacon syrup
• 3 medjool dates (optional but they do make it sweeter!)
• 1 crushed sugar free chocolate bar (i used 3 squares of @addictivewellness!)
• blend thoroughly then add the chunks in after!
• SPOON IT, use it as a smoothie topping or a spread, or dip carrots / celery into it, so versatile! GIVE IT A TRY… so yummy

FAQ: Will I ever eat salt, oil, or sugar again?

I mean yes, of course. I envision myself sticking to SOS-free for a long time because I have a sensitive system and that’s not going anywhere. I also believe in the lifestyle wholeheartedly and MEGA encourage my family and friends to jump on board for their health as well. But another part of my life is that I love going out to dinners with friends, especially in the food MECCCCA of NYC where I am going for my bday this year and I look forward to indulging in some non-SOS-free deliciousness while I am there. Definitely some vegan ice cream and some Matthew Kenney restaurants are calling my name. I hope to be in a place within the next year or two where I can be a bit more lenient as my histamine levels continue to go down and my Lyme bugs continue to get killed.

FAQ: Is it the best diet for Lyme and co-infections?

I wouldn’t say that SOS-free vegan is right for everyone who has Lyme because every single case of Lyme is so different. I don’t know your deficiencies and intolerances or your co-infections… but for mine, this anti-inflammatory and alkaline lifestyle really works for me. Talk to your doctor before making any significant changes if you are really sick and if this is a big shift for you!

Would love to hear your thoughts and any questions you may have!! Always here to answer them and do my best to get back to you all. LOVE YOUUU XOXO 

It has now been almost *two weeks* (where does the time go?) since I started the slow & guided re-feeding process, and one week since I have been home back on “regular foods” and not just on a re-feeding protocol. I put “regular foods” in parentheses because I am still following the SOS-free (salt-oil-sugar-free) plant-based diet that is encouraged & taught at True North, the healing center where I did my fast.

If you want to read more about the SOS-free life & why I’m doing it, head here. If you want to learn even more, I would highly recommend watching the documentary Forks Over Knives, and looking into the works of Dr. Colin T. Campbell, Dr. Joel Fuhrman, Dr. Alan Goldhamer (of True North!), & Dr. Michael Klaper to name a few. They are leading the SOS-free plant-based charge and have provided tons of incredible information about the subject for us all to dive into + learn!

So now… let’s talk fasting. I broke down the scientific details of water fasting here for anyone who is coming to my blog for the first time and may be thinking, “WHY THE HECK WOULD THIS CHICK DRINK ONLY WATER FOR TWO WEEKS?” Your question is very valid. And the detail I go into in that post should clear up some of your questions. Or maybe you still think I am crazy. I wouldn’t entirely blame you either way!

This is what life at True North looked like for me… except usually I was in bed! Occasionally I walked around my room or the property to stretch out my legs & get some movement in.

My 2 Week Water Fast… Let’s Get Into It!

My “WHY” //

I embarked on this extended water fast for a few reasons. First, when I was diagnosed with a uterine fibroid in November the size of a BASEBALL (not totally uncommon, yet not at all normal or remotely okay for a 27-year-old who definitely wants to have kids in the near-ish future) I started looking into holistic healing modalities for shrinking fibroids. Water fasting came up in my search time and again.

Then, in January when I became covered in full body hives and eczema, water fasting was again recommended to me by many of my amazing readers and podcast listeners (you guys!). At the end of that month I did an Ayurvedic Panchakarma, and even Marta — the Ayurvedic doctor who I trust more than nearly anyone else I know with my health — recommended a water fast for my rapidly multiplying & intensifying skin disorder that was by then getting totally out of hand.

The modality was presenting itself to me loud and clear. I am a firm believer that exactly what we need shows up to us at the exact right time in our lives. All we have to do is be present and remain open, and surrender to what the universe is telling us. If we are scared or turned off by something, we have to work even harder to surrender our judgement and fear around it.

Of course when I first heard about extended water fasting I was both intrigued AND fearful! It sounded incredibly hard, and I wasn’t necessarily interested in being bed-ridden for weeks (just the image that I had) without being able to exercise or maintain my strength. But it didn’t take long for water fasting to become extremely appealing to me.

Why? Because as my health continued to deteriorate at a rapid pace… I started to DREAM of being able to rest for weeks on end (or longer), with no responsibility or obligations or anywhere to be. I wanted to be somewhere where I could rest my exhausted body and be taken care of by doctors and be UNDERSTOOD. The chronic fatigue I was facing plus the insomnia from my rashes and the rashes themselves were only getting worse, and by March I was in for a massive wakeup call that if I didn’t slow down I was headed for a major nervous breakdown — both mentally and physically.

I was plagued with questions on the daily: What is wrong with me? Do I have an autoimmune disease? Am I allergic to something I am surrounding myself with every day? Am I allergic to ALL FOODS? Am I ever going to get better? Is this chronic stress manifesting itself all over my body?

Yet on a very deep spiritual level, I knew this was life asking me to STEP UP. I am in my Saturn Return, I have discovered an intensely spiritual side of myself over the last few years, and have even opened up psychically all at a very quick pace. My body was starting to be like, “Ahhh! I can barely keep up! We need to slow down…!”

I signed up for this water fast in March and started counting down the days. I went to Bali for a month to prepare myself on a deep emotional level for what was to come. Then… at the very beginning of May, I flew into Sactown & the next morning my parents drove me up to True North.

(Right before I left I did a TON of testing for autoimmune diseases, toxic mold poisoning, and more. Think… 30 viles of blood and a week’s worth of urine and stool samples. I get my results back in a few days and I am just so unbelievably ready to know what the CAUSE of all of this is. Of course I will keep you all so posted.)

The Beginning //

Checking into True North felt a little like a cross between checking into a hospital / a rehab center / an apartment building / a motel in Nor Cal. Not that it’s not nice, because it is… but it’s a little ominous to check in for something so intense to deal with such scary and chronic health issues.

The MAJOR UPSIDE was that my room was 201! As many of you know, 201 is my craaaazy lucky number that follows me everywhere. The appearance of my number was such an affirmation to me that I was in the right place. I had my own room & bathroom, and shared a suite with two other women while I was there — and I was in 201-1… even MORE of my numbers showing up!

Upon arriving I learned that for my particular body/size/health concerns I would be fasting for two weeks with a one week re-feeding protocol. Doctors would come in to check my vitals at 6:30am every morning, another doctor would check in at 8:00am, and another in the afternoon. It really makes it hard to feel like you’re not checking into a hospital. I knew my parents felt a little nervous leaving me there, and my dad’s exact words were, “If anything happens that you’re not okay with we will immediately come pick you up, just call us.”

But I knew I was in it. I had no desire or intention to leave. I was fully surrendering to the process that lay before me… and in all honesty, beyond the nerves & the fear I was EXCITED. I had a deep internal knowing that this was going to work for me in a way that nothing else had up until this point.

When I checked in, my rashes were full-on NASTY. This is a photo from a few days before I left for True North, and I know it’s hard to tell because filters are awesome & the iPhone doesn’t get too HD, but my skin was 100% rashed out:

DAYS ONE – THREE //

I knew I would be happy if my rashes started to go down at True North even a LITTLE. They were so bad at that point I was incredibly intrigued to see what fasting, ketosis, and all the hydration plus all the avoidance of foods that might be causing me issues would do. Miraculously, it only took a few days for the rashes to start going down.

Day One was easy enough. I had a little headache, felt a little hungry, but coasted through the day. I still had enough energy to go on a short walk & do some light yoga, and had the brain power to write, chat on the phone with everyone I could (Katie, Brandin, Clare, Rachel, mom, Jonathan, Hudson… thanks for keeping me such great company  ), send some emails, and generally function as normal. Day Two was a little harder, but pretty much the same as Day One.

Each day you’re encouraged to drink 4-6 glasses of water. At first I assumed it would be more so I CHUGGED the H2O on my first day but then I learned that during a fast, you don’t want to drink TOO much water because you don’t want to deplete your body of electrolytes. How MUCH you should drink varies on your size and your body, but for me it was recommended to have 4-6… more if I was extra thirsty which was always.

When I woke up on Day Three, I knew it was going to be a much tougher day. My legs were cramped to the BONE… I mean, they were hurting so bad I was whimpering to myself in my bed for hours. I figured it was the lack of potassium & magnesium in my system, and I started asking my suite mates who were also water fasting whether that had also happened to them.

Their answer was no, but of course everyone’s bodies are so different and that’s how mine was reacting. It’s interesting to note that one of my suite mates, Michelle, was already salt-oil-sugar-free for two years before coming to True North, and she had NONE of the cramping or headachey symptoms that I had. We both deduced it was likely because she wasn’t detoxing as much as I was, even though other than oil/salt my diet was so clean before the fast!

By the end of Day Three my legs were in such excruciating pain that I told my nighttime doctor that the cramps were so bad I felt I needed to do something about it… i.e. have some food or broth or something! He was well-versed in this type of potassium-magnesium deficiency cramp I was having, so he suggested that I do two days of juice to see if it would help.

At first I was slightly resistant because I had already come so far (3 days feels like a LIFETIME when you’re on a water fast) and I hate to break a commitment, but I knew he was right and I needed to listen to him to make the rest of my fast much more doable and comfortable… and not to mention, safe for MY body. So important to note how different we all are.

DAYS FOUR – EIGHT //

When I woke up on Day Four and had a WATERMELON CELERY JUICE delivered to my room I just about died from happiness to have some fructose + calories in my system. I had four juices that day, and four the next day. After my second juice… the cramps started going away and I even had some energy. My mom visited me and we went on a little walk around the neighborhood.

The juices were DEFINITELY a good call. After I wrapped up my last juice on Day Five, it was back to water for the remainder of the two week period. The juices gave me an incredible boost and were exactly what I needed. Day Five was my easiest day yet… I was still a little energized & sustained from the juices and the cramps were totally gone.

Day Six was harder, because now my body was starting to get that total exhaustion fatigue that happens on a fast. Moving from my bed to the yoga mat on my floor was a challenge. Walking up and down the stairs to my room from the courtyard of True North TRULY felt like running a marathon. My heart would pound wildly out of my chest on that staircase.

So from Day Six onward I really just stayed in bed. I was OVERJOYED to receive the kindest gifts from amazing humans in my life. The things I had to look forward to each day were: HEALING (of course), my mom coming to visit every few days (she is an actual saint), my dad and mom coming together on the weekends, the surprise gifts that kept arriving, FaceTiming with Jonathan & Huddy, and watching Bates Motel on Netflix. LOL.

HUGE thank you to the people who thought of me while I was fasting and sent sweet gifts, cards, flowers, life changing books, BLANKETS (ASHLEY!), thoughtful texts and messages, all of it. Really, I will never be able to fully express my gratitude. I was in a dark place by Day Seven or so… just mentally and physically so exhausted and starting to feel the slightly depressing effects of barely being able to move. Those gestures, big and small, lifted my spirits in the hugest, hugest of ways.

My body was also HURTING by this point from being sedentary. Luckily True North has amazing massage therapists, reflexologists, and chiropractors… so I took advantage of that a few times a week and also greatly looked forward to those appointments breaking up my day.

By Mother’s Day (one week into my fast) when my parents came to visit me, the rash on my body was basically gone, and the one on the neck (it’s always been the worst part) was ALMOST gone. It was insane and such a positive effect of being there.

Day Eight was rough. I was now on Day Three of all water after those two days on juice… and the exhaustion was real. My kind suite mate Karla came in my room that day to ask if I needed anything since she noticed I literally wasn’t leaving my bed. I was down for the count, but I was soaking in the rest and felt fully certain that deep changes were happening in my body that were going to help me heal.

DAYS NINE – TWELVE + THE TOPIC OF *WEIGHT LOSS* //

I am sure by now many of you reading are wondering… how much weight was I losing?! The general norm is to lose 1 pound per day on a water fast. I happened to lose 3 pounds after the first day, and 3 pounds after the second day. My body was basically saying, “Get rid of this, it’s not yours.” Which is how I had felt for a long time anyway… like I was holding onto extra weight that didn’t belong to me but was there to remind me that things were off hormonally and with my digestion and even my immune system.

After that, I evened out to losing about a pound per day. While having juices I maintained my weight. So by Day 9, I had lost about 10 pounds. For me, going into the fast I knew my ideal weight was about 10 pounds less than where I had started. This is a very personal subject and not something I share about on the blog very often – because everyone is at a different stage in their journey with weight as it relates to their health.

For me personally… weight has always been an indicator of things being OFF or things being ON in my body. Losing 10 pounds in the first week and a half of my fast felt amazing. This obviously isn’t what I would recommend as a goal to anyone going into a fast. Some people fast because they are obese and desperately need to lose weight rapidly. Others fast and hope that they don’t lose much weight because they’re at their ideal weight going into it. Others fast and need to gain weight back afterward. Others cannot and should not fast because their weight is too low to begin with, and/or they do not have a healthy relationship with food so shouldn’t be fasting for mental reasons.

I was happy with where I was with weight loss on my fast because I knew I would continue to lose a bit toward the end of the fast but I would also have room to gain some pounds back with solid food (DUH!!) and still be at my ideal weight. Again, this is a personal preference & I am simply sharing because I know many of you will be interested in this facet of the journey.

One of the poems I wrote while I was fasting… and felt so deeply connected to Source Energy in a beautiful, electric way.

Days Nine & Ten were definitely the hardest for me. I felt similar emotions to the dark feelings of the chronic fatigue I had been experiencing for months, just on a whole different level. I had moments of extreme clarity where I knew this was all helping so much and that I was through the worst of it. I had DEEPLY spiritual experiences of channeling, connecting to deceased loved ones in meditation, and a few super channeled poems came through me.

But mostly… I didn’t have the energy to do much of anything! So I watched more Bates Motel. And for anyone who loves creepy / disturbing / mysterious criminal mind types of shows… I WOULD SO HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT. Let’s just say I have a deep bond with Norman & Norma Bates after the time I spent binge watching all 5 seasons in a two week period  … it really got me through. Escapism through good TV is REAL when you’re in bed for weeks on end, especially for medical reasons. I am sure many of you reading can feel me on that.

TIME TO EAT…!

After Day Ten I had a massive realization. It hit me like a ton of bricks. That’s generally how things go with me… I made up my mind, and there is NO going back. That day, what I made up my mind about was that I was going to have juice the next day. My body just told me loud & clear, “I’m done. It’s time to start this re-feeding process.”

I had a feeling that might happen before the two weeks were up, given that I didn’t have a ton of weight to lose and I knew it was possible that my body might not hold up for the full 14 days on just water — which had been an estimate from the beginning. In true Jordan fashion, once I made up my mind I called my doctor and told him to send me juice the next morning.

My INCREDIBLE doctor, Dr. Soler (who WILL be on the podcast soon!), trusted my judgment and recommended that I do two days of juice to basically keep on fasting/detoxing but also give myself some nutrients. I am SO GLAD I did the full two days of juice per his recommendation even though I was dying for solid food on Day Twelve… because easing my body back in for two days vs. one was what my sensitive body really needed.

It’s also important to note that around this time I was starting to feel absolutely starving. I mean FAMISHED, starving. And it is very atypical to be that hungry (or hungry at all) on Day Ten of a water fast. It is much more normal to lose your hunger because of the nutrient-reserve state your body goes into after several days of fasting. The fact that I was getting so hungry was a sure sign to me that I needed to eat… so I am glad I did! Always gotta listen to our bodies.

DAYS THIRTEEN – FOURTEEN //

Having that *holy deliciousness* WATERMELON CELERY JUICE on Day Eleven was LIFE, so you can imagine that having FRUIT FOR BREAKFAST (!!!!) on Day Thirteen was the ULTIMATE THRILL. I dreamed for days on end of drowning my fruit in cinnamon, so that’s exactly what I did. In this bowl was papaya (which I now love all of the sudden… how crazy is that?!), berries, grapes, and a mango. It took me about an hour to eat and I savored EVERY LAST BITE.

As far as the re-feeding process, I was on raw foods for my first day back on solid food. The next day, I had raw foods plus some steamed veggies and squash. The next day, I had all of those plus some cooked potato and cooked grains (rice, oats). The NEXT day… all of that plus legumes!

It was a wild ride getting to eat all of those nutritious foods again! My body was so, so happy. And it was pretty amazing to see that I digested all of it extremely well, gained back only a couple of healthy pounds of water-weight from having nutrients in my bod, and my palette was overall refreshed in the best way. After a fast, it’s like introducing a baby to foods for the first time. You don’t crave sugar or salt or the things you would pre-fast. Everything is in a healthy and good place.

Sadly, once I started back on the juice my neck rash came back. Then a body rash, and a bad one. It got me thinking… are the rashes food-related or just inflammation-related? I strongly feel they are inflammation-related, and I really look forward to getting some answers from the autoimmune specialist I saw before I left, come my appointment on June 5th! The cool thing is that they went down so much while I was fasting, which was great while I was there.

I will be getting my fibroid checked in the next few weeks, and I am DYING to see whether it has shrunk. If it HAS, I will certainly be going back to True North for another 10-ish day fast later this summer to continue to shrinking it. I am very dedicated.

THE BENEFITS //

Oh my, the benefits have been just above and beyond. You guys… I don’t even know where to begin. If you follow me on Instagram, and especially if you have for a while, then I am sure you’ve noticed a drastic change. I am SO MUCH HAPPIER… so much LIGHTER (literally and figuratively), and my entire approach to life has shifted.

It’s so interesting… so spiritual… to lay in a bed for two weeks, entirely removed from your life, and consider the important topics of perspective, friendships, relationships, family, work, physical activity, inspiration, creativity… literally just life in general. With every passing day at True North, especially when I was totally bed-ridden, a deeper and deeper appreciation for getting to LIVE THIS LIFE to the fullest washed over me.

Feeling so strong & so ME in the best of ways post-fast… Ah!!! I even feel it looking at photos.

Suddenly, in that frame of mine, my own health issues didn’t seem so bad. Yes, I still have bad days and you guys should see the rash on my back and arms right now. Yes, it still keeps me up at night. But my perspective has shifted to what feels like a whole new dimension. The energy I have now is LEAPS & BOUNDS from when I was bed-ridden at True North, and it makes me appreciate this healthy and thriving body of mine no matter what health issues I am working through.

I have dedicated myself to this newfound perspective and it’s changed my life. The happiness, joy, and love radiating through me for the last week and a half of being home is the happiest I can remember being in years. I am FILLED with inspiration to stay on track with my new routine, create a new amazing routine with the love of my life when I get back to LA (we are moving in together and there is so much fun to come), bring so many projects and ideas to life, get back into my podcast recording routine, and just… LIVE.

It might be hard to understand because I can hardly find the words, but my perspective has shifted in every area of my life. The people I love mean more to me than ever before. My body and feels so, so good post-fast despite the fact that I still have a long road ahead of me. The salt-oil-sugar-free plant-based lifestyle that is taught and shared and believed in at True North is inspiring me with such fervor that I feel like part of my purpose on this planet right now (as a REFLECTOR no less… for all my fellow Human Design junkies!) is to share the benefits of the SOS-free lifestyle.

I am excited. Happy. Eager. Overjoyed. HEALTHY. AWAKE. And it feels just so, so amazing.

I know this has been an incredibly long post and to be completely honest I BARELY EVEN SCRATCHED THE SURFACE of this whole experience. I could write a novel about each and every day of this journey. Hopefully for now this gets much of my experience across, and if you feel inspired to do a water fast… I would HIGHLY recommend True North Healing Center, in Santa Rosa, CA.

DO YOUR RESEARCH //

Water fasting is also not for everyone. Although it has been practiced since the very beginning of medicine (Hippocrates, Plato, & Socrates have all written extensively of how it is the most healing practice known to man), it is very alternative in our day & age. I can guarantee you that many doctors & nutritionists will tell you it’s not a good idea… because they simply don’t have experience with it. It’s all about doing what works for you, and if you feel it in your bones that water fasting could be a solution for you, I would encourage you to listen to yourself above all else.

There are great resources out there on fasting, all of which I detail in my original water fasting post that you can find here.

I have a YouTube video & a podcast episode coming out about my water fasting experience, and there I will go into more detail about things I simply didn’t have the space to mention here! I will discuss how I handled the fast with my eating disorder background — which I feel more comfortable doing in the spoken word because there is a LOT to say about it. <3

Overall, I can safely & confidently say the water fast is the best thing I have ever done for my health. I cannot wait to see where this all takes me, but I know that mentally, physically and spiritually this fast was a turning point and catalyst for me. BIG, GOOD things are coming… and I cannot wait to take you all along for the ride.

I have also gotten my inspiration for COOKING & BEING IN THE KITCHEN back tenfold (or a million fold) & I feel that this newfound inspiration is an absolute blessing from Source Energy itself… I have been having so much fun creating in the kitchen & enjoying all my new SOS-free recipes. Lots more to come!

Would absolutely love to hear your thoughts, and feel free to leave questions below!! Let me know. I will be checkin’ the comments & responding to all! X

But my healing journey at True North Health Center in Santa Rosa, CA (where I was doing a 2-week water fast) was so intense, I knew I needed to draw my energy inward and experience the healing solely for me… not only so I could heal without the added pressure of sharing the whole experience at once, but also because I wanted to let it sink in and see how it worked for me in the end before I told you guys what it was like!

It’s like doing research by living my life and exploring every avenue of healing… it’s awesome, but there is no possible way to rush it and still give you credible experiential information. So for ONCE in my life I have had to be patient and let it all sink in before sharing it far and wide. And in many ways, that has felt really GOOD! Being quiet about this experience has allowed it to do deep internal healing work in a way that has been so beyond necessary for me at this stage of my life.

I will be breaking down the whole water fast for you guys in an upcoming post, AND a YouTube video (I vlogged every few days while I was there), AND a podcast episode so I promise you will be getting all the details when the time is right. It won’t be too long before any of those go up (do you really think I could keep being so quiet about such a big thing in my life?! Come on, you know me) but I didn’t want to leave you hanging for too long… so today is about something very RELATED to my water fast and is now a huge part of this healing journey.

The SALT OIL SUGAR FREE (SOS-Free) VEGAN Lifestyle! But for all intents & purposes, we will call it the SOS-free plant-based lifestyle.

Because we know the word “vegan” has a lot of politics surrounding it and while I do consider myself fully vegan at the moment… I am more comfy using the term plant-based right now because my health is always going to come first in my book. So if vegan long-term doesn’t work for my bod again, I am safer saying plant-based (publicly at least). Ya feel me?

Anyway. I don’t ever want to let the cruelty of certain people in the vegan community from years and years ago keep me from using the word vegan. If I choose to use that word in the future to describe myself I will do so with open arms. If I choose to keep using the term plant-based then that is awesome too. I won’t let myself be bullied out of using the term — and I have even found SUCH interesting backlash from the “anti-diet” community now that I am plant-based again. So it gave me some sympathy toward the vegan backlash I got four years ago because it made me realize…. EVERY COMMUNITY has backlash. And that’s not cool. I am so, so, so, SO against that icky judgment and will continue to advocate acceptance in every dietary circle & way of life.

What I AM about is empowering others and empowering myself. And after spending two weeks at True North Health Center water fasting and learning about the SOS-free plant-based way of life, I feel more than inspired to share about it with you. I would actually feel wrong not sharing about it with you, because it is such a healing, anti-inflammatory, gut healthy, evidence-based, autoimmune-friendly diet and lifestyle.

With all of the autoimmune diseases, rashes, chronic fatigue, anxiety/depression, & overall lack of zest for life that have been bestowed upon me this year due to my health issues, I am VERY passionate about incorporating this healing way of eating into my life and sticking to it. And I am just as passionate about making sure you know it’s at least an option for you as well!

So, let’s get into it.

The SOS-Free Plant-Based Way of Life

Pretty immediately upon arriving at True North I learned that their health center is all about the salt, oil and sugar-free lifestyle often known as “SOS-free” vegan. I knew a lot about the SOS-free vegan community from my days as a diehard vegan/raw-vegan (you can read my whole journey here if you’re not familiar), and I even tried it out back in the day but I don’t think I did it that well the first time because I was also trying to be raw back then! So it just wasn’t enough variety.

Over the years I have been intrigued by the SOS-free type of eating and I had dabbled in it here and there, but after being so largely exposed to the paleo & ketogenic lifestyles in LA (nutritionists, doctors, friends, fellow podcasters, fellow bloggers… EVERYONE I knew was all about the keto life) I started to view oil as something I NEEDED in order to be healthy. So for the last three and a half to four years I doused my food in olive oil, roasted my veggies in an ABUNDANCE of avocado oil, drowned my COFFEE in MCT oil (Bulletproof diehard, you know this), on and on.

I also got pretty into salt during this time. When I cut all fruits out of my diet and was largely sugar-free for other health reasons, I found myself craving salt all the time to take the place of the excitement of those natural sweetness flavors. My daily diet would consist of a large Bulletproof Coffee with MCT oil, ghee, and TONS of stevia (trying to mimic that sweetness flavor) for breakfast, salmon and greens with olive oil for lunch, and maybe more salmon or chicken or veggies with a salad with more olive oil and more ghee for dinner. And salt. Lots of all of the above.

NO carbs. NO rice. NO potatoes. NO legumes. NO fruit, as mentioned. I was very much on the keto / paleo train.

I am not saying eating that way is bad. You will never come to my blog and find me saying that any one way of eating or living is bad. It just wasn’t for me. As illustrated by my body slowly but surely gaining 10-20 pounds, my skin breaking out like crazy, my body deteriorating into autoimmune disease, my hormones going completely out of whack, and this weird stagnation I got into where no matter how I adjusted or tweaked my diet and workout routine I had plateaued at a place where I didn’t feel like I was ME in my body. I felt bloated and sick and tired and bleh. ALL OF THE TIME. Even when I was running marathons!

That all happened over a three and a half year period. Then last winter I went plant-based again (which you can read about here), and things started to get better. I reincorporated fruit into my life and my body was VERY happy. The autoimmune issues persisted and of course my rashes and eczema blew up like crazy, but at least my hormones started to feel like they were balancing a bit and my body started losing some of those stubborn pounds quite easily.

But I was still dousing my veggies in oil, drinking the MCT oil in coffee, etc. etc. So getting to True North and being exposed to this SOS-free way of life got me thinking, “Wait a second… is THIS what I’ve been missing? Could it have been this easy all along?!”

Finding the SOS-Free Lifestyle When I Needed It Most:

I had my first meal at True North before my fast started and it was like heaven on a plate for me… steamed sweet potato, legumes, steamed greens, steamed cauliflower, rice, salad with an abundance of of veggies and seeds, yummy dressings made of tahini, carrots, celery, and more plant-based goods. Does that sound restrictive to you? Boring? Because to me it doesn’t at all! Which is also how I know it’s right for my body at this season of my life.

Keep in mind I LOVE that kind of food. So I was dreaming of it the entire time that I was fasting! Especially because an incredible SOS-free kitchen was right downstairs during my whole fast.

While I was at True North I watched documentary after documentary about the SOS-free plant-based life. Doctors at the center from Dr. Goldhamer (the founder of True North) to Dr. Klaper to amazingly well-known doctors like Colin T. Campbell and Neal Barnard are all about the SOS-free way of life. Some of the philosophy is that salt, oil, and sugar are three of the foods that make us end up overeating because they dull our taste buds and we don’t end up tasting the real foods or eating to satiety… but rather eating way more than necessary because the flavors are addictive. (Check out Forks Over Knives if you haven’t seen it yet — amazing doc that dives deep into this philosophy.)

Secondly, they’re all isolated forms of nutrients (which makes them not really nutrients at all). Salt is isolated sodium, oil is isolated fat, and sugar is of course isolated sugar. While plenty of veggies and legumes are naturally rich in healthy sodium, nuts and seeds and avocado and coconut are naturally rich in healthy fat, and fruits and starchy veggies are naturally rich in fructose which our bodies of course need for energy — those are the types of sodium, fats, and sugars we NEED to thrive.

But what about the importance of sodium?! Fats?! Sugars?!

So the SOS-free diet by no means claims “NO sodium, NO fats, NO sugar” but rather the opposite. Get those vital nutrients from NUTRIENT-DENSE, real foods rather than isolated forms of things we have created to make food “taste” better. But really you’re just dulling your taste buds and tricking yourself into thinking foods in their natural state are not yummy enough! When they so are!

The USDA Dietary Guidelines recommend a tolerable upper limit of 2,300 mg (about 1 teaspoon of salt) or less per day. And how much do you think is in a plate of food at a restaurant? Even in one mashed potato at a restaurant?! Or SALAD DRESSING? It’s SCARY how much added salt the Standard American Diet boasts as NORMAL… even though a healthy amount of natural sodium is of course completely fine. Just not the way we as Americans consume it.

And as far as oil, the fat in it has been extracted from its original food source, so it is now unprotected, making it more prone to becoming rancid through oxidation (prolonged exposure to oxygen), inhibiting freshness and degrading food. Oil that has been oxidized also contains free radicals, which can damage the body and contribute to cancers.

And we all know how much sugar sucks so I don’t need to try to convince you of that. What we want to aim for is fructose in its natural state — fruits, starchy veggies, all that good stuff. Table sugar, even honey and molasses etc. is so unnecessary.

And of course for people like me with autoimmune problems and a highly inflammatory response to many foods — isolated oil, salt, and sugar are my demise. I started incorporating food back into my diet about 7 days ago post-water-fast and I can happily say I have been feeling AMAZING eating all SOS-free. I was nervous to start eating again because I had such a great response to the fast (lost ALL of my inflammation, more on this in the water fasting post to come) but eating this fabulous SOS-free way has enabled me to reap the benefits post-fast as well.

Today’s granola with fruit for breakie… SO GOOD!!!

AND IT’S STILL DELISH!

Also eating SOS-free is still delicious because you end up learning how to flavor your food with fresh and dried herbs and spices, make DELISH dressings and sauces without oil, and how to substitute sugar and oil in baking / sautéing. It’s truly amazing and has reawakened my fire to create, create, create in the kitchen! I LOVE it.

I am feeling amazing. You guys who follow on Instagram have commented that I have been looking amazing, glowing, happier, looking more like the true and real me. AND OH MY GOSH I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW TRUE THAT IT AND HOW GOOD THAT FEELS. And how good it feels for you guys to notice, because you truly are all my friends from afar and having you notice such important and deep changes within me makes me feel so happy and supported and loved.

So, let’s dive into the recipe! I wanted to share about SOS-free with you first because you will be seeing it quite a bit on my channels. I am dedicated to this lifestyle at the moment and cannot wait to see how my body and my health continues to evolve once I follow it consistently for a period of time.

I am also getting my parents into it which means the world to me. My parents are both VERY healthy and I am so grateful for that, but my dad has had a few scary tests in recent years and we want to keep him in the best shape as possible. So now my SOS-free plant-based passion is spilling over into the ones I love most, and that is incredibly special and exciting to me as well.

SOS-FREE, GLUTEN-FREE, VEGAN CHOCO CINNAMON GRANOLA

( WARNING: THIS LITERALLY TASTES LIKE A WARM GOOEY COOKIE! IT’S SO GOOD YOU MAY FREAK! )

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup gluten free oats (I use Bob’s Red Mill)

1/4 cup melty tahini (I use this one from Whole Foods)

4-5 chopped & pitted medjool dates

1/4 cup chopped or whole unsalted cashews

1/2 cup coconut flakes

3-4 tbsp cacao powder (I get mine on ThriveMarket.com/BLONDE (use that link for $60 worth of free groceries!!)

1-2 tbsp cinnamon

METHOD:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

Mix all ingredients together in a large mixing bowl, blending evenly so that everything gets a nice blend of cinnamon and cacao!

Add the mixture into a high-speed blender & pulse a couple of times, just enough to make the granola into a crumble but not TOO much or it will be super crumbly. I pulsed about 3 times for 5 seconds each, mixing it around each time.

Once the consistency is to your liking, add to a baking sheet (I line mine with tin foil to minimize cleanup!) and bake in the oven for about 20 minutes, or until golden brown. Keep an eye on it because the coconut flakes are quick to burn after 20-25 mins!

Let it cool so it restores its crunchiness, and ENJOY!!!

Store in an airtight container in your pantry (or fridge if you’re a cold granola kinda person), and it will last for up to two weeks. I love to add this to smoothies, or eat it with fruit with the granola as the main dish!

*PS you could totally make this raw & skip the baking step. It will also taste yummy, if you’re into the raw life! Going to play around in my new dehydrator for some crispy raw granola soon too…. #drool!

SO DANG GOOD. TASTES LIKE AN ABSOLUTE CRUMBLY WARM DELECTABLE COOKIE. Do yourself a favor and try it while it’s still warm outta the oven… you’ll thank me later.

So excited to hear what you think!! As you can see, the SOS-free plant-based life CAN be exciting and delish. It’s not too hard to swap out oil, sugar, and salt in your cooking — it’s actually fun and you will find yourself getting more creative than ever in the kitchen. It’s like therapy. If you try it, let me know what you think. And I can guarantee this lifestyle will make you feel GOOOOOD if nothing else!!

Then, inevitably on the 28-hour trek home tomorrow or in the days to follow, I will share more about all that I have learned on this solo journey with myself. I also have a nearly TWO HOUR solo podcast episode going up next Wednesday that I recorded here about my trip and I am very excited to share it. And if you’ve heard me say that I am going to be gone for *two months* and you’re thinking “wait, only three weeks have passed…” you are correct, and I am heading off to a healing center in Northern California after a few days home in LA with my loves in between. The healing journey continues!

Anyway, this topic today is very near and dear to my heart. And in some ways I have found it even harder to put into words than I did my original “Why I’m Transitioning Away from Veganism” blog post nearly four years ago. I have purposely not put it into words yet because I wanted and needed to experience this first and foremost for me… feel it out for ME, and also see and feel the lasting effects after eating this way for a while before I shared.

The topic is the NEW KIND OF PLANT-BASED  and I will explain what that means at the bottom of this post.

Let’s just start at the beginning — and I will try to make this as short & sweet as possible because the truth is, I could (and want to…) write a book about this particular subject and my relationship to it! ONE DAY. One thing at a time…!

The Story //

So, last summer. I started seeing my dear friend Lo Roxburgh for alignment and body work. In our sessions we immediately went VERY DEEP into soul-guided conversation, and the synergy between us is to this day absolutely insane. Lo picked up very quickly on the inflammation I was experiencing in my body, and I just kept telling her: “I don’t feel like myself. My body is so inflamed. I feel it every day in my gut, my skin, my ENERGY FIELD, even my organs.”

A few months into working together she asked me when the last time I felt truly myself in my body was, without the inflammation and the pain and the insomnia and the gut issues and all the rest. And I said, “Well, I guess when I was vegan. Before the eating disorder of course and just when I was eating a balanced vegan diet.” And she said, “Well… what would you think about going vegan again?”

Her words planted the seed, and as much as I wanted to try it I was SCARED. Not only scared of what labeling my diet would mean for me after the healing journey I’ve gone through, but also scared of the Internet trolls who get off on abusing people’s dietary choices (very much including my own). I have worked long and hard to transition from veganism to non-veganism in the public eye, and switching back just gave me that feeling of, “oh god, people are going to think I am such a damn hypocrite.”

Of course those fears were wedged way deep inside of me and they only came up later on as I’ve done the inner work to figure out my resistance to this way of life. Fast forward to months later, when my reiki master and also very dear friend Kelsey Patel said to me in a similar heart-to-heart conversation, “Oh wow! I am getting the intuitive hit that you need to try going vegan again. How does that feel for you?”

Between Lo and Kelsey and their open and soul-guided and non-judgmental and non-biased words, I could have cried. I actually did cry. Just having the PERMISSION from two close friends of mine who also happen to be healers who also happen to be deeply immersed in the wellness world who ALSO happen to have about 10 years of life wisdom on me really, really, really hit home for me. I have always maintained and I still do that it’s never about what someone else thinks, or what someone else tells you. But from my particular position at that place in time I really NEEDED some “permission,” if you will, to be me. To REALLY listen to my own body and go with it.

So back in November, I did it. I started eating plant-based. I felt into it intuitively and it felt incredibly right. Physically, things were REALLY not feeling okay so trust me when I say it took a lot of immensely deep work to even get in touch with my intuition on a physical level.

When Jonathan and I came to Bali in December, I dabbled in eating other things for the sake of “FOOD FREEDOM” (I put it in quotes because someone with as many gut and health issues as I have had, mental food freedom can sometimes equate making yourself very physically ill) and felt like abbbbbsolute and complete shit. So then I really dedicated myself to the plant-based lifestyle, and I haven’t turned back since.

Plant-Based in Bali //

Many of you know that in the first few days of 2018, I got hit with a sudden and MASSIVE attack of full-body hives. Up until about a week ago I was still covered in a terrible eczema rash that was diagnosed from afar as everything from a cutaneous drug rash to Lyme disease. I am still sorting out what the exact “diagnosis” is, but I am not sure I even need one because I know now that it was nearly 100% stress-related and gut-related.

So I came on this solo trip to Bali to heal. The proximity of raw vegan cafes, healing centers, yoga studios, and wellness retreats to my hotel here in Ubud is absolutely nuts. Even Los Angeles has nowhere near this amount of easy, readily available, abundant, made-with-love, and CHEAP organic plant-based cuisine… and here it’s literally on every corner.

So for the last three weeks I have dedicated myself to eating 100% plant-based, and about 80% raw. For the first week or so I was completely raw but found myself craving cooked veggies and warming meals for dinner after a period of time and I am all about listening to my body above all else.

On top of the food I’ve been eating, I have been doing a lot of yoga, walking at LEAST 10,000 steps a day (usually closer to 20,000!), resting and sleeping a ton, doing colonics, drinking juices, eating an ABUNDANCE of fruits and fermented foods, and all of those things combined have lowered my stress levels immeasurably AND cleaned up my gut a considerable amount.

Letting go of my “fruit fear” that I developed from YEARS (yet again) of listening to other people’s ideologies and opinions about bodies that are not my own, has been the most freeing thing mentally and physically I have probably done in my entire adult life when it comes to food. I mean, my body was CRYING out for the nutrients and digestion-friendly properties of fresh, organic fruits. I didn’t eat fruit for THREE YEARS. (Or let’s say barely. Maybe a handful every so often.)

I have started mostly every day here with a smoothie bowl, FULL of fresh local fruits and topped with more fruit, superfoods, and raw granolas. I am telling you, and you know this if you’ve followed me over the years, I would not have touched a bowl full of so much natural sugar with a ten foot pole even just a year ago. But suddenly, eating intuitively and treating myself to what truly sounds and feels the best for me each day…. that is what I am gravitating toward. Just like I was five years ago when I was vegan PRE-eating disorder when I ate what I wanted in abundance and with love!

I have also been eating raw DESSERTS here in great abundance. I think it’s safe to say that with the exception of a few days here and there where I just wasn’t in the mood, I have had dessert every day here & at least once a day. I am all about the chocolate, as you know. So tons of raw cacao goodness! (If you come to Ubud, you have GOT to try Ubud Raw Chocolate. It’s actually insanity how good it is and full of sooooo many antioxidants and healthy fats.)

And honestly I am just telling you this because I love healthy desserts and listening to my body on that front has been so healing. If you’re not a dessert person, keep doing you. You don’t HAVE to eat dessert to feel free and intuitive with food… in fact many people may find themselves doing the opposite when they’re being truly intuitive. That is what is beautiful, we are all so freakishly different in our ways and that is what I love. THAT is what makes us healthy.

Tonight was my final dinner in Ubud (SAD in some ways even though I am ready to get home to my J & my Hud – like you have no idea, there are not even words) & I had a “Nourish Bowl” at one of my fave cafes here Sayuri Healing Food which is full of brown rice, adzuki beans, steamed veggies, spirulina crunchies, tahini dressing and a few other things… plus a side of raw bread, raw aged nut cheeses (TO DIE FOR), and a double chocolate raw pie for dessert.

I mean, can you say YUM? And abundant? And delicious? And decadent in the best ways and not at all restrictive or limited the way I once was in my previously restrictive vegan days?

So here’s what I’m trying to say //

I still believe in no labels. I believe in eating intuitively, and doing YOU and not listening to what anyone else has to say about what will make you feel the best or this or that. I still believe that we evolve and change over time, and I would be surprised if I didn’t change my eating habits again down the line as my life and journey continues to evolve.

For my own personal body right now, eating in this anti-inflammatory high fruit and high veggie way with lots of raw foods, juices, and also cooked veggies and gluten-free grains / legumes on the occasion has me feeling better than I’ve felt in four and a half years. Maybe five.

My medium MaryAnn (the most psychic person on this planet, no joke) did a healing on me last night over the phone and she said my gut is HEALING for the first time in years. She said it is going to continue to be a process, and the healing journey I am on is extremely slow and steady and that is my work at this time to trust in going slow and the true healing that is taking place… but the words “YOUR GUT IS HEALING & YOUR BODY IS SO HAPPY ABOUT IT” basically brought me to my knees.

After the parasites, the eczema, the hives, the autoimmune, the cystic acne, the eating disorder recovery, the food allergies, the chronic fatigue, depression and anxiety all stemming from my gut… those words held more sweet music to my ears than I think I could ever express to you in this lifetime.

I feel very, very, very good right now on this plant-based and highly raw diet. I am very aware that many people reading have seen me through my eating disorder and recovery days and I also know that many of you have been through your own recovery journeys. I very much hope that seeing me go through this process and find this complete & utter joy in this lifestyle again can inspire you from afar to do the same for YOUR life. It could look entirely different to you. It could be the opposite of plant-based or vegan. All I hope for you is that it makes you feel good, and passionate, and healthy, and awake, and alive.

(Quick side note: Even though I was eating vegan in LA for three months before I came back to Bali, I was still eating a lot of inflammatory foods. Nightshades, fried cauliflower at Erewhon (such an addiction), sauces that didn’t agree with me, more grains and legumes than I have been here… so this is the first time I have felt TRULY amazing with a longterm dedication to cutting out everything I knew intuitively was not working for me.)

What now? //

I am headed to a healing center in Nor Cal when I get back to the U.S. I made a commitment to myself this year that I would deal with my health issues once and for all, and take myself on a self-loving journey to heal and feel my absolute most radiant best again. I will share more details about it as time goes on — I will be doing something rather extreme and I wouldn’t recommend it to people who aren’t in my boat of *extreme* health issues and imbalances, so I will hold off on telling you more about it until THIS post has sunken in at least, haha.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me and being here for this journey through the years. I hope and know in my heart of hearts that anyone who is MEANT to be here reading this will be, and I feel that my words at this point in time will attract people who are at the stage of their journey where they can take in what I am saying and feel confident about their own life choices as well whether they’re different from mine or similar.

One thing I want to share is that while going through this entire journey publicly on social media and in the news and all the rest was the best and the worst thing for my overall wellbeing. The best because I got more support than any girl could ever dream of or imagine, and I feel deeply lucky to be able to run into SO MANY girls and guys on the streets of Ubud of all places (and of course when I am back home — but here has been pretty remarkable so far from home) who know much of my life story and have been so incredibly kind. The worst because it is definitely very hard to have your choices and your opinions ripped to shreds on a daily basis, especially from very passionate people about one thing or another.

The truth is, once you reach the place of true FREEDOM and unconditional love for yourself and your body, you will understand what its like to make choices from a place of pure heart-centered intuition. And when you’re there, my choices and everyone’s choices won’t affect you negatively. I can promise you that.

I dreamt of that place for a long time, and now that I’m there… it feels amazing. So whether you agree with or me disagree, it’s not my place to say or to even care. Because we are all dealing with something and being on the Internet has taught me I will often be the target for someone else’s insecurities. And I continue to put myself and my truth out there because A) that is what makes me happy and makes me feel fulfilled and B) I care about you guys with all my heart and it never feels right to NOT tell you things! C) I want to help people as best I can, and I know no other way to do that than to be radically open and honest.

Also, I will probably write a whole post on this but I will briefly say: opening up spiritually, psychically, and intuitively has had a LOT to do with this shift. I finally understand what people have been saying all years about how eating pure, mostly raw, foods from the earth in many ways can open up your third eye and make you feel more one with the universe. That has definitely been my experience… cleaning it all up, inside and out.

So… I am saving the point of this post for the very last paragraph. I want to represent a NEW kind of plant-based lifestyle. One where you can be VEGAN and not judge other people who are not vegan. You are allowed to be vegan and still be open to changing your diet to include non-vegan foods in the future. You are allowed to be vegan without labeling yourself and without being militant about your own choices or others’ choices. THERE IS NO ONE WAY TO BE, even when it comes to being plant-based or vegan.

So right now I am trying that on. I am feelin’ like the NEW kind of plant-based is the way I want to be. I will keep you very updated on how it makes me feel, and I would be honored if you decided to join me in whichever way you’d like to! EVEN if that is by eating a totally different way. Join me in doing you, and being intuitive, and of course… incorporating plants because they’re so very good for you.

Thoughts?! Would absolutely love to hear them. And tomorrow I will be headed back stateside and I am very, very, very excited. And very ready. <3

Many of you know that I am in Bali, and that I came here on a solo trip to unwind from the pressures of daily life & embark on a healing journey for my body and soul.

That means I am 100% NOT WORKING, doing brand collabs, sponsored posts, writing articles for deadlines, any of that jazz and wowowoww I feel…. so good.

I realize it is a very massive luxury to be able to do this, and that is not lost on me. That is why I feel it in my bones so important to share this journey with you guys reading because it is very possible for you to manifest the same in your life. Years ago, I never could have done this. Walking away from steady freelance work would have felt like a sin!

This year when my health exploded I knew it was time, for the first time since starting my business five years ago and working myself to the bone 365 days a year ever since, time to do something for ME and try my best to let go of what that might mean for my business, my blog, and everything else.

And holy shit you guys, all I can say is… WHY DIDN’T I DO THIS SOONER?!

I have been here for about 11 days now and I will take you through the rough arc of my emotions and experiences since I’ve been here:

The Day I Left: VERY apprehensive, questioning my decision to go, devastated to leave J & Hudson, left my purse at Erewhon with my passport in it and realized it once I got to the airport, just barely made my flight (that had actually been cancelled by the airline the day before I was set to leave but that is a long-ass story in itself), covered from head to toe in raised bleeding itchy mountains of hives, slept like a baby thanks to Xanax for about 13 hours, seven hour layover in Sydney where my emotions started to turn around…

Arriving in Sydney: Once I got to Sydney for my long AF layover in which I planned to leave the airport and explore the city for a few hours, I learned that I could not because I didn’t have an Australian visa. Whoops. This whole situation ended up being a blessing in disguise because I staked out at the Sydney airport, guzzled juice and smoothies from an airport juice bar (#thankgodforitsexistence) like nobody’s business, and started to plan details of my trip I hadn’t even thought about before I left. Which is very me, by the way. Can’t plan something in full really until it’s HAPPENING!

At the Sydney airport, I… researched the sh*t out of Kambo, an ancient shamanic healing treatment in which frog venom is applied to little burns on your skin and leads you to purge everything from toxins to negative energy. I had heard amazing things about it, and I found a practitioner in Bali online, reached out to her (spoilers: she responded and I did the treatment over the weekend! That will have a full post in itself), and planned it. I also started bookmarking classes at all the local yoga studios and researching healers I wanted to see and reaching out to all of my friends who have been here to get their highest recs. VERY productive time at the airport that I am so grateful for!

Flight from Sydney to Bali: I will say, I am normally a glass-half-full person, but if I’m being real this flight was hellaciously miserable. I had already been traveling for over 25 hours, and my skin (as I mentioned) was broken out in the worst rash I have experienced in probably my entire life. I somehow had a window seat although I have a hard rule with myself where I will ONLY sit in the aisle so this mixup through me for a loop. I like to get up a ton of times throughout the flight to stretch, and feel free to drink as much water (i.e. have access to the bathroom) as much as I please. The flight felt about triple as long as it actually was, which was a little over six hours. And the books I impulse bought at the airport were not enthralling enough to distract me from my misery or from scratching my arms until they bled.

LONG. FLIGHT. EXPERIENCE. And I am fully aware as someone with misophonia who generally cannot stand people chewing next to me on flights, itching / scratching their skin, making noises with their mouth, etc. that I became the girl who was ripping her skin off in the seat next to a stranger. I have a very strong feeling he had a little misophonia himself because he was not too pleased with me, but I couldn’t help myself. Full blown hives outbreak rage was happening on my body and sitting pressed up against a window in a sweatsuit I’d been wearing for 30 hours in 3 countries just wasn’t cutting it for my sanity. You could say it gave me a little perspective.

Anyway, once I actually landed… I WAS ECSTATIC. I had a very kind driver named Molly (arranged by my friend Emily, also from Sactown, who lives here and is a godsend) waiting for me at the airport and he drove me from Denpasar to Ubud, which is about two hours. For someone who desperately needs to know how many minutes / hours a car ride (or anything transportation-related for that matter) will take… I was instantly reminded that accuracy goes out the window in Bali. LOL. For instance, if the driver tells you it will take an hour it could very easily end up taking two and a half. I should take a page out of their book on the patience front though, that is for sure. They are never in a rush and I really admire that.

Getting to my AirBnB: Similarly to the whole potential inaccuracy of minutes it will take to get somewhere, I have also learned about the potential (and highly likely) inaccuracy of AirBnB’s in real life vs. online here in Indonesia. I thought I had rented a beautiful villa for the month, in the center of town, with its own pool and the only person living there would be ME. But when I arrived I learned that my villa was part of a larger group of villas, and mine itself was very tiny. No kitchen. Not quite in the center of town. Not the safest vibe there. Did not speak to my soul hardly at all.

Still running on the anxious adrenaline of a 35 hour travel day I… hopped right on my computer and booked three other hotels to move to throughout the week before I found a fave to stay for good. I am still working on getting my $ back for the very-different-looking-from-its-photos AirBnB but that’s neither here nor there. I learned a great lesson nonetheless, which is… don’t book something for 21 nights in a row if you’ve never seen it or don’t have any direct recommendations from someone who you know and trust. (Jonathan tried to tell me this before I booked it but I hastily did it anyway because I thought it would be nice to have my own house — which it didn’t end up being — that I didn’t have to worry about moving from. I wanted to feel the experience of LIVING here vs. being in hotels.)

The moral of that story is that… I like luxury and when traveling alone it is very important to me to feel completely safe. There was no reason to fear moving around, being SPONTANEOUS, or spending more money on nice hotels and accommodations, because I worked daaaamn hard to get myself here and its not every day I get to live in the most magical city in the most healing of places in the world.

Day One – Five: Once I got here and settled in, the days started blending into each other in the BEST WAY. I moved to my new place on the first day and instantly felt more at home. My new hotel was on the same street that J & I stayed on the last time we were in Ubud, so I felt safer and more familiar instantaneously. I deleted Instagram from my phone, lost track of which day it was, felt a deep fire igniting within me to write poetry and express myself creatively in that way for the first time in so long, let go of my idea of what I “thought” I would be writing here that fit the mold of what I “should” be doing and just let it all flow. I read two books a day, started to feel more free than I ever have in my life, and my rashes also started to completely go away…

I have been getting at least one massage a day, as they are only about the equivalent of $10 here for AN HOUR AND A HALF… and that has been so healing for my body as mind as well.

Day Five – Seven: For a few days I stayed in the center of the Ubud rice fields and this experience absolutely changed me. To get my hotel I had to walk 20 minutes up a tiny dirt road path (or take a motor bike but let’s be real I am kind of scared shitless of those things and most people here don’t wear helmets or have them available for their passengers) and my views from every angle were fields and fields of rice paddies. I rented a FULL house that was for about a 10 person family (lol) because after my initial experience I did not want to end up anywhere short of the luxury and space I was looking for.

I realized I might have overdone it a tad when I got there and the staff was flabbergasted that I was a party of ONE for what they call “The Mansion,” but I think it happened for a divine reason and that reason was… I fell madly in love with my serenity and freedom there. I want to host a yoga retreat there next year — WILL YOU GUYS COME?!

This is where I got REALLLLLYYYY into the poetry groove. Suddenly, pages and pages and pages and pages started flowing out of me out of the clear blue sky. I began channeling a beautifully influential teacher of mine who passed away last summer, and she shared with me that poetry is going to be a big part of my present & future. She even dropped the names of so many poets and songs into my head for me to listen to for inspiration, and she told me why Broadway music has always been so important to me… because it ignites my soul on a deep level and is most often channeled from a higher place as well. Pretty nuts. She also wrote a bit poetry through me and it is absolutely beautiful.

Day Eight – Eleven: As I said, the days just keep blending into each other which feels amazing. I turned my Instagram back on and it’s kind of a love-hate thing right now. For one, I do feel deeply passionate about sharing imagery and experiences from this trip on my platform. For two, I freakin LOVE connecting with you guys and sharing with you where I am and what’s going on. And for three, there is a very strong businesswoman that lives deep inside of me and she’s like “Nuh uh honey, you ain’t walkin’ away from the career that has supported you for five years… not even for the downtime YOU NEED.” That final piece is the one that I struggle with. I am very grateful for my career, and I don’t want to walk away. But I do have a deep, deep awareness that changes need to be made in order for my overall health and happiness to prevail. And I don’t need to be so dang addicted to the phone whatsoever. So I am working on that, and being here is helping a lot.

A few big revelations with that are that I simply C A N N O T continue to do paid partnerships that are not completely aligned with my heart and soul. Just can’t. I stopped doing that a while ago but I feel the desire to hone in even more deeply now and focus much more on my writing, poetry, my own content for my own brand, and a few new projects that have come to me with massive clarity since I have been here. Once I bring some of those to life, I foresee myself working with no brands in the future other than my own. Plus the occasional brand or two that really gives me life, because I do have a few of those.

Another revelation is that I really want to focus on solo episodes on my podcast moving forward. I will still have guests who really align, but as a reflector (listen to my human design episode with Jenna Zoe if you don’t know what I’m talking about!) I get exceptionally wiped out from long interactions with others. Even though a pod episode that you guys hear is about an hour to an hour and a half, I am usually with my guest for double that amount of time and then recording intros / outros / midway ads for at least another hour or two per episode. Yes, they get cut down to a few minutes but I am a perfectionist by nature and it takes a lot for me to be satisfied with what I put out there.

For those reasons… something that feels so innately right to me are solo episodes. I can share so much of what I have been learning that ignites me but without the element of getting exhausted by other energies. I was getting to the point where if I did three podcast interviews in a week, I legitimately couldn’t do anything else because my energy reserves were shattered. My body was clearly reacting with the rashes, the insomnia, the anxiety, the food allergies, and more.

I am not saying I don’t enjoy doing the interviews — I do! I love them. That’s why I put so much of myself and my energy into the conversations and the process, hence the exhaustion. I just need to find a balance with it… two episodes per month perhaps as solos, two with guests. Something like that.

BIG, EXCITING PROJECT ON THE HORIZON that came to me while I was sitting at Clear Cafe here in Ubud and I feel as if I channeled 20 pages of info about it into my notebook. Originally I was filled with gusto to make it happen by July, but now I feel that in order to pace myself and instill what I’ve learned (slow down, no need to be in such a rush) it will be a slow and steady project with no rush to finish it. But when it is finished… daayummm I cannot wait for you guys to see it / experience it / DO IT WITH ME.

But yes, it will come to fruition in its divine timing. For now I have my poetry to focus on anyway. And you better believe I have BIG PLANS FOR IT.

As far as traveling alone, I absolutely love it. I feel like I could be alone for months on end and feel completely full and satisfied by it. I miss my love a lot, but FaceTime makes things easier and he has been a true supportive godsend with the support and love he shows me every day here and always. He is my rock and without his support I don’t think I would have even booked the flight to come here. I am lucky. So yes I miss him but in a way because of FaceTime I feel like he has experienced many of the most special parts of my trip with me so far.

Lastly, on the food front, I have been eating about 90% raw vegan here and 10% cooked vegan. So yes, all vegan. Plant-based. Whatever we wanna call it. I feel amazing and there will be a full post coming on this — even though I asked in a poll on IG if you guys would want to read a post about that and so far most have said yes and 10% have said no… I know that’s a small percentage but I sometimes wonder whether the people who say “no” know I can see that they did and then I’m just thinking WHY. Maybe that means I shouldn’t ask, haha. I need a whole subset of poll questions like “if no… then why not?”

And as serious as I am about that I am also working on the art of letting go of what others think entirely. I have found that is an absolutely huge component to healing and deleting IG for a few days made other people’s opinions non-existent to me. It felt so good.

Anyway, ask you can see I am going on a big tangent now because that’s what happens when I write. I write to feel, I write it all out, and I also haven’t really hung out with anyone but myself in eleven days, other than a lot of FaceTime calls with my love and my fam and some dates with my sister Carlyn who is also here. So you’re getting the REAAAAL unfiltered me.

I think that’s it for now. It’s almost dinnertime here and I have a long walk to get to my fave cafe for some raw goodness.

All of my love, my babes. Thank you so much for being here & for reading this.

More to come! Like my KAMBO experience, my poetry overflow, my channeling exercises, the hotels and spas that I love here, and more. Feels so good to share my journey with you so far.

XO

I am headed back to Bali TONIGHT for the rest of the month of April… and I am so unbelievably excited I could burst.

I will be writing a full blog post about why I am going on this solo trip and what has inspired me to embark on a new way of life — a life I will be contemplating in Bali and diving deep into so that when I return I will be able to incorporate my new way of living into my daily life.

The SHORT STORY: I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have not been well this year, which you can read the most about here.

The FULL STORY: Coming soon. Not sure how soon, because I am playing my blog writing schedule very much by ear while I am there. Could be Day One, could be deep into the trip. We shall see!

Anyway, I wanted to share one big ol’ LOVING LATELY post before I head out on my trip to leave you angels with all sorts of things I have been loving these days!

LOVING LATELY // 3.4.18

DIGITAL DETOX & LUCID DREAMING //

Lately I have been taking an hour to two hours off of from my phone before I go to sleep, largely thanks to Jonathan for being really good about reminding me how important it is and how much I want to stay on top of it.

I won’t lie, when he’s not with me I still have a tendency to check my phone like a maniac right up until I get in bed. What can I say, I love responding to you guys and commenting back on IG and scrolling all of the accounts that I love. But I will say, that is more of a daytime thing and not something I want to focus on at night anymore.

The last several nights Jonathan and I (and Huddy, of course) have stretched, done yoga on the floor, meditated, written poetry, and just soaked each other in rather than being on our phones or staying in workaholic mode. It has been so nice, and has reminded me what this life is all about. It’s about CONNECTION… in real life, not on the screens.

Anyway, thanks to taking time off of my phone before bed, I have gotten into this incredible subconscious pre-dream DREAM MODE before sleep every night. It’s this incredible frame of mine where I am able to exist with so much awareness inside of my subconscious. I have seen so much from Tibetan Sanskrit texts that I was able to READ (no joke — past life memory of sorts?!) to random memories from childhood that have been lodged in my subconscious for years, to dream state ideas and places that I go while asleep — but WHILE I am awake.

Sometimes I am jolted back to reality because my rashes have still been so terrible that I will remember that my entire body is itchy and on fire. If you’ve ever had eczema, you know that nighttime is the worst. My acupuncturist says it’s because it’s the YIN time of day, which is the time of the blood. Since rashes are inflammation of the blood and blood flow constriction, it makes a ton of sense.

Regardless, I dive back into my lucid dreams pretty easily once I am able to re-relax myself, and for a chronic insomniac like myself… it’s been an amazing way to drift back off to sleep and avoid insomnia.

If you’ve never done it… TRY IT! I promise it isn’t that hard. Meditate before bed, light some candles, clear your mind, brain dump your day into a journal, and see where your mind takes you when you lay down.

LIVING IN SWIMSUITS & COZY CLOTHES //

I am sooooo into living in swimsuits lately. Maybe its the fact that my body has been broken out in head to toe rashes for 4 months straight (you can def see them in these photos) so anything that BARELY covers my skin is key, or maybe its the fact that something in me ignited this year and I have never been more comfortable in my skin or proud of my own body before. Regardless… I am ABOUT the swimsuits right now. And the beachy clothing.

And living at the beach. I know so man of you reading don’t live near the beach so you may not feel me on this one, but you know what it feels like when it’s summertime. Now envision summertime pretty much year round — and that’s been life in LA lately. It’s been the warmest, sunniest winter. And now that I am heading to Bali I am just going to take the beachwear to the next level!

Lately I have been LOVING the site Backcountry annnddd I’ll tell ya why. The main thing I love about them is that you don’t have to sacrifice fashion for function when it comes to swimwear. When you have boobs like this sista over here (oh hey), the last thing you want is a super flimsy (yet cute, but flimsy AF) bathing suit where you have to worry about your boobs falling out of if you even stand up from your lounge chair. I don’t know about you, but I’m about the surfing, paddle boarding, beach yoga, and ocean dips. Ya feel me?

I also love Backcountry because they have not only Swimwear but the cutest Spring Lifestyle Collection. You babes are going to love what you see — some of my most favorite brands there are from Seafolly to Vitamin A, and I even got these badass ray bans there! So PINK and so fun!

Also, these Prana shorts are my fave. Fun fact? I hosted an event with Prana in Manhattan Beach back in the day when I was a new yoga teacher! They are the kindest company, and SoCal locals.

And I highly doubt it will come as a shock to you guys that I am a Birkenstock person. I mean… isn’t it written all over me?

Anyway, long story short, Backcountry is your one stop shop for all things swimwear, spring looks, and comfy beachy clothes. You guys are always asking me what I am loving on the fashion front so I wanted to share more!

MANIFESTATION //

Let’s talk about manifestation. It is SO REAL. Check out this Manifesting 101 post I did a few months back for the basics.

But now I wanna update you some of the things I have manifested into my life!

For one, a few months ago I told Jonathan I was going to manifest having Trevor Hall on my podcast. He has been one of my spiritual idols and my #1 favorite musician since I was about 14 years old. I had no connections to him when I told the universe I wanted him on the pod, but very shortly after I started meeting people who knew him. One thing lead to the next, and I had him on for the first time back in December.

Fast forward to today… my SECOND (not first, but second!) episode with Trevor came out today. On today’s episode we are talking everything from his spiritual practices, to his latest album (check it out, it’s everything), to how he met his wife. CHECK OUT the ep, and let us know what you think!

Secondly, several months back all I wanted in my life was to be surrounded by healers, intuitives, and conscious doctors who could help me get to the bottom of my health and skin issues. Lately, my days are filled with appointments with incredible healers from shamanic facialists, to shamanic medicine readers, to straight up shamans, to reiki masters, medical mediums, kundalini gurus, and more.

These are not necessarily people I have sought out! Almost all of these people have come to me in one form or another to be of service in different areas I am struggling with. It has been incredible not only from a healing standpoint, but also just from a high vibe standpoint of being surrounded by such magical humans.

Also, this trip to Bali was 100% manifested!

I have also booked about 5 more DREAM GUESTS on the podcast to the point where its almost making me laugh how accurately the universe responds when we send it the message that we KNOW what we want.

MY YOGA HOME PRACTICE //

I have not been able to go to my regular heated yoga studios for MONTHS because of everything my skin has been going through. Truly, right now, I have bright red welts all over my chest, arms, stomach, and legs. It feels like they’re on fire. One of the worst things I could do for my skin is move and twist and sweat in a hot room.

It’s been ROUGH, because yoga is a part of my identity. I didn’t miss a single day at the yoga studio for years. YEARS. This is no exaggeration, this is legit how much it means to me.

But the blessing in disguise is that I have really created a yoga home practice in a brand new way. Last year I got pretty into doing yoga at home because I was doubling up on the yoga during my teacher training — yoga at home, yoga in the studio, teaching yoga, all of it. That is how I created my Soul on Fire Yoga E-Book, purely for people who wanted to practice at home but weren’t sure where to begin!

I have been loving practicing on my floor lately, in the comfort of my own home where I can hang with my Squeak, stretch, flow, make up my own flows, blast my own music, improve upon poses that I have always wanted to master but don’t get touched on often in classes, and more. It has been empowering in a big way, and so enjoyable.

JADE ROLLING & GEMSTONE ROLLING //

I wrote this post on jade rolling and if you haven’t checked it out, pop on over there! Jade rolling, gemstone rolling, and all around lymphatic drainage has been an absolute game changer for my skin lately.

I have also been getting weekly FACIALS from the best of the best in LA. I am working on a fave facials in LA blog post that will be up very soon! Not sure how soon… since I am going to take time to myself in Bali, but it will be up whenever it’s supposed to be.

Boom! What are YOU loving lately?! TELL MEEEE.

Also, check out Backcountry and their amaze swimsuits and Spring looks! If you get this Seafolly suit from this post, SEND ME A PIC! Tag me on IG #tbbmademedoit and it will make me smile. Functional and adorable, all at the same time. You can shop the looks below!

WISH ME LUCK on my flight to Bali toniiiiiight!! So, so, so ready to be there and bliss the F out. Will take you all along for the ride, in whichever way feels the best. <3 ALL OF MY LOVE.

Ever since I shared about going intuitively plant-based, I have gotten a lot of questions about how to try out this lifestyle without being too restrictive or feeling like you’re in a box.

That topic is very dear to my heart because as many of you know, I was once raw vegan and was very, very restrictive during that season of my life. Four years later, and after MANY ups and downs with my health / hormones / gut issues, I have overcome a lot and feel like a brand new person when it comes to my approach to food.

I would not have been able to ease into an intuitively plant-based lifestyle directly after my strict, orthorexic days of raw veganism and juice cleansing. I needed to let go of all of the rules to have food freedom at that time, which was great — until I got sick from what I was eating. Like, really sick. My body was not too happy to reincorporate everything under the sun at one time.

But now, I have found balance again and I am OVER THE MOON to share that balance with all of you. I still have lasting health problems that I am working to get to the bottom of, but my gut has been happy and I believe it’s largely due to the switch to intuitive plant-based eating I made a few months ago.

Over the years I have made it my mission to experiment and learn about my body, and I’ve really honed in on what food freedom means to me now vs. then.

And now that I have decided to share my new intuitive plant-based way of life on my blog and social media, I figured it was only right that I clarify a few things for those of you who are looking to try out this lifestyle too and do it in a healthy, balanced, non-restrictive way!

I have broken down my methodology with the whole intuitively plant-based thing into five steps… and I am sharing them below!

Photo creds to bae from our smoothie date this morning. Outfit is the Mudra Yoga Jumpsuit from my friend Donna’s line (local to Bali!!) Satya Yogawear. Use code BLONDE for 15% off if you order anything from her amaze site!

STEP ONE // NO RULES!

One thing about being intuitively plant-based is that it’s just that… intuitive! In my eyes, it’s very different from being strictly vegan, vegetarian or raw vegan.

As much as I truly wish in my heart and soul that I could be fully vegan for the animals and for the environment — I would be doing a disservice to my body, and ultimately to the animals and environment as well (because I would be sick and wouldn’t be any help to anyone) because I know that being fully vegan, 100% of the time, does not work for my particular body.

Instead, I can incorporate my values and my food preferences (plant-based eating) as MUCH as humanly possible while also allowing room for other foods when my body needs and craves them. For example, I have been about 95% plant-based since December, and I have also been incorporating bone broth protein powders, collagen powders, and the occasional bone broth from Erewhon or the occasional bit of fresh fish when I feel I need it.

When I was in Hawaii, I had fish a couple of times because it is so fresh and local there, and also because I knew if I didn’t it would be a huge headache and I wouldn’t have been able to eat at all (other than raw spinach if you know what I mean) at a few of our group dinners. Back in the day, I would not have budged. I would have survived on plain lettuce for days and then been WAY out of whack hormonally by the time the trip was over. That is not balanced, or intuitive, and is riddled with rules and anxiety.

Similarly, if being intuitively plant-based feels so good to you that you know in your heart and soul that you don’t want or need fish, bone broth, collagen, etc. for YOU then go with that! For the first 2.5 months of this lifestyle I didn’t have any of the above — it’s more recently that I have found myself incorporating them for health and variety.

It’s all about no rules, and what works for me is most likely going to look a bit differently for you.

STEP TWO // DO IT BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT!

If you are going intuitively plant-based because you think you should, or someone else told you to, or because I am and you feel like you usually have similar preferences to me… I would invite you to think long and hard about why YOU want to do it for YOUR personal body and needs.

If you come to the conclusion that you want to do it for your own reasons, you will enjoy the process so much more and it won’t feel restrictive or difficult to you.

I firmly believe that when we make choices based off of what we love, we are setting ourselves up for an enjoyable and abundant experience. I eased into this intuitively plant-based way of life because my mind, body, and soul was crying out for it. I wanted to try it so badly, and I knew it would be fun for me because I LOVE plant-based foods and have a long history with them (many lifetimes of history if we are getting into the spiritual side of things).

When you are in it because you love it, you also have the goal in mind of being balanced and healthy, rather than the goal of losing weight or something that might not be in alignment with the healthiest of mindsets. (Although if you do need to lose weight for medical reasons, going plant-based is not a bad idea. I am referring to people who don’t need to lose weight and want to steer clear of using the plant-based lifestyle to do so.)

STEP THREE // FIND YOUR OWN GROOVE

It might take a while to find your groove with this new lifestyle (same goes for any lifestyle change), and that is completely okay. I would encourage you not to give up before you’ve found your groove.

Part of finding what works for you means trying a bunch of different things. For a while I was on a major kitchari kick for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Lately I am all about smoothies for breakfast with bone broth collagen and even smoothies for dinner, loaded with all of the greens and bananas and sweet potatoes.

I know that in a few weeks I will be onto something different. Part of living this lifestyle without getting too restrictive means letting yourself switch things up! Being plant-based doesn’t mean you have to have smoothies every day, or ever for that matter if they’re not your thing.

I find that the more new recipes I try, the more exciting this lifestyle is and the less restricted I feel. It is always a good idea to incorporate plenty of plant-based protein from legumes to nuts and seeds to plant-based protein powders — if they work for you and make you feel good.

STEP FOUR // BE OPEN TO CHANGE

When you’re doing intuitive eating of any kind…. you’ve gotta be open to the possibility of change. Or really, the constant of change. Because it’s always there.

It is so unbelievably hard for a Type A personality like myself to accept the fact that even though I am LOVING and thriving off of being plant-based right now… I know it won’t always be that way. Down the road I might be all about the protein. The ethical animal lover inside of me really doesn’t like that, but that is reality. I know I will always prioritize my health, and I acknowledge that what works right now may not work next year, or in 5 years.

When we are open to change we are allowing ourselves to TRULY be intuitive. To go with the flow. I know that I am plant-BASED which does not mean vegan. It means that most of my meals are plants, and plants will always take up the majority of my plate. Even if I have to eat meat again down the road, that will still be the case.

But this time around I am not closed off to change. I have had enough lasting health problems from my first go-round with veganism to know better for MY personal body. For the people reading who have no issues being vegan longterm, more power to you. I so, so wish my body could get on board with that, but this is my reality and I love my reality too. Wherever each of us are in this journey, it is beautiful and THAT is inspiring to me.

Grocery shopping is KEY. Be stocked up on all of the fruits and veggies so that you always have variety around! And ALWAYS ORGANIC, when you can make it happen.

STEP FIVE // ALLOW VARIETY!

This is similar to step 3, but I wanted it to have its own section too because variety is so important. Switch up your veggies and fruits, eat the rainbow, and DO NOT BE AFRAID OF FRUIT. I spent so many years fearing fruit and it was one of the most unfortunate things I ever did for my health because I missed out on so many vital vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants during that time.

I feared fruit because of the sugar content, but fruit sugar (fructose) happens to break down in our bodies very differently than other forms of sugar and laboratory-made fructose (like high-fructose corn syrup — never touch that). Now I enjoy it in abundance and have been feeling better than ever from the fiber and antioxidants. I have been more regular, which means my digestion is SO much happier than it was before… especially because I am coffee-free right now as well.

Listen to your own body and do you, but always make sure there is variety involved. One of my biggest issues the first time I was a vegan was that I ate the same thing every day… for 3 years! Not only is that not good for us physically, but it’s definitely not good for us mentally.

Switch it up, it’s fun! Try new recipes, get inspired, and make it part of your lifestyle to cook and spend time in the kitchen. Also seek out fun restaurants near you that support the lifestyle so that you don’t feel restricted to ONLY eating at home. Balance, in all ways!

Boom! There you go!

If you incorporate these 5 steps into your intuitive eating plan, you will be off to a great start. My hope is that if you try the intuitively plant-based lifestyle and fall in love with it, you will never feel restricted or bogged down by food again.

I have found that on the contrary of feeling restricted, this lifestyle has opened so many doors for me. I feel freer with food than ever, and that is largely due to the fact that I am eating foods my body LOVES and craves.

Plants feel so, so good in my particular body. Same with legumes, seeds, and the smoothies I have been loving on lately. I do eat a few gluten-free grains (rice, quinoa) but I keep them to a minimum because of my sensitive stomach and my overall grain allergy. I have found that I can tolerate them in a couple of meals per week at max.

For you, you may be able to have grains all the time… or never! It’s all about finding what works for you, which often includes getting tested by an integrative doctor to see what’s up in your personal body.

Lastly… I have also had a lot of requests for intuitively plant-based MEAL PREP which I am so on board with! I will get a post up about that ASAP!

Now, I am off to spend Passover weekend with my family… my parents are in town, you can find them on my IG stories all weekend! They are actually here until the day I leave for Bali, so I am so excited to soak in some good time with them.

So in love with all of you. Please leave any questions below, and use the hashtag #intuitivelyplantbased to share your experiences and your meal ideas with our TBB community! ALL MY LOVE.

XOXO 

Second post of the day because I am officially back from Hawaii and just can’t get enough of you. But really… when I’m gone I really, really miss writing to you guys. Instagram is one thing (I treat those captions like a long-form blog post, let’s be real), but there is nothing like a good heart-spill post on the site.

This is a topic I have wanted to share with you guys for a while now, but similar to other things I have been experimenting with lately, I knew I had to live it for a while before I announced it on blast. Many of you know I have had a rocky history with veganism, and when I ditched the label to find more balance in my life — shit hit the fan.

I wasn’t about to do any unnecessary boat rocking again because what I went through publicly during that time was gruesome, to say the least. I was picked to SHREDS by the vegan community, and between that and recovering from an eating disorder and trying to understand how non-plant foods fit into my life again… I swung really majorly in one direction. And that direction had nothing to do with plants.

That was almost four years ago. Three years and 9.5 months to be exact. It’s crazy to think that much time has passed, because I really do remember it all like it was yesterday. I became the poster child for orthorexia. (No really, if you look it up on Google you’ll find photos of me splattered everywhere, and “The Blonde Vegan” is a subcategory under the eating disorder.)

To this day, not one day has gone by that a reporter hasn’t emailed to be in a story about orthorexia. For the record, I stopped doing orthorexia interviews about a year and a half ago. After hundreds upon HUNDREDS of news interviews, I couldn’t tell the story a single additional time without going mad.

Running from Orthorexia //

After I announced my split from veganism, I was at a loss for how to move forward. I knew I had to leave my eating disorder and disordered view of food in the dust, but I wasn’t just doing it for me… I was doing it for the hundreds of thousands whose eyes were on me too. Millions, if you count the news stories, night shows, CNN articles, magazine stories, and beyond.

So what did I do? I did what any extreme personality HSP empath does best, I jumped to the extreme. I wanted to please myself and everyone around me. I wanted to show the world and MYSELF especially that I could eat red meat, poultry, dairy, and sugar. I wanted to show them all and show my insides that I could handle it, I was strong, and it wouldn’t kill me.

I will spare you the details of what happened with my stomach during that time, but you can read all about it in my book if you are interested. My body FLIPPED. I felt like complete SH*T on the inside, and not to mention I gained at least 15 pounds, developed cystic acne and chronic fatigue, and a myriad of what became chronic health problems over the last handful of years. And again, I was at a total loss for what to do or where to go.

The New Me, ALL the Protein //

I started working with some great nutritionists and a functional medicine doctor, and all of the advice I was getting was to lean toward a protein-heavy diet. Not quite labeled, but if it were labeled it would be very much paleo / ketogenic. Very low carb, lots of quality animal protein, smoothies with protein, lots of healthy fats, almost no fruit, no sugar, almost no starchy veggies.

I listened and soaked it all in. I wanted to feel better. I wanted to feel like I was living in MY body again. I willed my body to adapt to this new way of life. I begged every inch of it to let go of the stress, the pain, the bloat, the extra pounds, the exhaustion, the hormone imbalances, all of it. It wasn’t really about losing weight but rather feeling like myself again — it was killing me, every inch of me, not to feel like myself in my own body.

I exercised like a fiend. I ran a marathon. I fell in love with exogenous ketones. I willed them to work for me and “fix me” and make me feel like me again. They didn’t. I fell out of love with exogenous ketones. I fell out of love with HIIT & distance running. I got into Ayurveda. I got into meditation, kundalini, and reiki. I learned more and more and more about the mind-body connection. I fell deeper in love with restorative yoga. I fell deeper in love with self-care, and plants, and whole real foods again, and massages and facials and Panchakarma treatments and travel. It all helped, but I was still doing stuff that didn’t work.

I ate eggs daily. I ate bacon. I ate burgers and chicken. I drank coffee like it was my job. I ate a ton of salmon for b12 and omegas. I listened to the protein-heavy diet advice that was coming at me from all angles. In Bali, I realized with INTENSE awareness that I felt like absolute crap.

I had no energy left inside… no Ojas or “life force” as we say in yoga. Jonathan willed me not to pick my face, or scratch my ever-expanding full-body rash, or get upset when our Balinese massage therapist asked me if I was PREGNANT because I was so bloated from my body’s reaction to food. My body felt like anyone’s but my own.

I felt like I was in a prison. Not to mention, feeling ill day in and day out. Having my stomach flip turn before, during and after every meal. Literally feeling my blood sugar rising and falling, dipping and crashing, taking my adrenals for a loop and coursing imbalanced hormones through my body. I tried everything I could to get it under control, for THREE and a HALF YEARS, and I really, truly felt like it would respond to nothing at this point.

The Plant Experiment //

With my growing intuition and my relatively newfound love for self-care, slowing down, shamanism, reiki, kundalini, channeling, and the rest… I knew (KNEW) that plants were calling my name, LOUDLY. I even had an incredible shaman named Ashley Brothers, who I want to have on the podcast soon, tell me that plants have been a part of my soul and past-lives for centuries upon centuries, and she sensed that the plant-based way of life was shouting out to me. To help me uncover and remember, and heal and BE.

Even the “forbidden” fruits that I had been so intensely afraid of because of all of the info that was being thrown my way by so many professionals I was working with. (I don’t discredit anything they say, at all, but my body was not, simply not at all, responding to that diet or way of life. Point blank. I am sure it works great for so many.)

After a particularly difficult few days food-wise and health-wise at the most BEAUTIFUL place on earth — Nihiwatu in Sumba Island, off the coast of Bali — I pledged to myself and to Jonathan (someone’s gotta hear you say it out loud! At least in my case) that I would not touch any of the foods that were killing my body from the inside out until I felt better. That included eggs, meat, coffee, and refined sugar.

And guess what? I haven’t touched one single bit of any of it since.

Just a few weeks later, I decided that my heart and gut was pulling me desperately into the plant-based way of life. I didn’t want to put a label on it, and I am glad I didn’t / haven’t, but predominantly plant-based (about 95% of the time) is how my body is feeling the best right now.

Plants have been healing me from the inside out. They are anti-inflammatory, delicious, nurturing, and actually speak to my soul. I have a long, long history with plants (not just here in this lifetime, but in many lifetimes) and I believe they are my medicine. My wisdom. They heal me on the deepest of levels. That is true for me, not with everyone… but for me, I feel it in my bones.

I didn’t give them the credit or the love they were screaming out for for so long. That goes for veggies AND fruits. Leafy greens AND starchy veggies. Kale AND potatoes. Plant-based smoothies AND lentils, rice, beans (all pressure-cooked), kelp noodles, low glycemic vegan desserts, and more.

It’s not about depriving myself with sugar-free green juice the way I once did… it’s about finding a healthy balance so that I am getting all the protein, vitamins, minerals, and life force energy that I need and deserve.

So many intuitives in my life who I am deeply close to, from Kelsey Patel to Lauren Roxburgh, immediately picked up on my body’s innate need to go back to a largely plant-based way of life. Their permission meant the WORLD, even though I know it;’s all from within… I needed to hear people tell me it was okay. Sometimes we all need that.

The Ayurvedic Way //

It was perfect timing to do my Panchakarma at Surya Spa, because there I ended up going on a kitchari diet for about three weeks… which is inevitably plant-based. All full of rice and mung beans, so not lacking in nutrients or substance in the least.

I then had a consultation with Martha, the head Ayurvedic doctor there who I resonate with on such a deep soul level, and she told me that for me specifically (with my pitta dominance & vata imbalance) to eat predominantly plants and have animal protein rarely, and “only as needed.”

THAT STRUCK SUCH A DEEP CHORD.

To be allowed to eat animal protein / products such an collagen, bone broth, ghee, etc. AS NEEDED. There doesn’t have to be such a strict one way or the other rule. And while I know I have been preaching that for YEARS now… I still felt so, so, so stuck in eating animal protein every day because I felt that I HAD to in order to “not be a vegan.”

I use the word ALLOWED because when you live with chronic stomach problems and health issues, you do get very attached to what you “should” or “shouldn’t” have. How beautiful to have someone give me permission to be plant-based, AND give me permission to eat animal protein / products as needed.

Now I have been plant-based with the occasional bite of fish, sip of bone broth, or collagen smoothie once in a while.

I was about 100% plant-based for all of January and February with the exception of ghee and collagen. And I had my first few bites of fish when I was in Hawaii this past week (so good, not raw though because of my parasites!), and I had a tiny piece of organic chicken at Erewhon the day before I left because… guess what? I CAN. My body was ready for a few bites, and I said HERE YOU GO. Lovingly.

There are no rules, I am just going with the flow. Flying by the seat of my pants. Loving every second. Feeling more and more like myself with every passing day.

My rashes are going away, and my hormones feel like they’re evening out. My body is starting to feel like my own again. My joints don’t hurt if I skip a day (or a WEEK) of yoga. My clothes fit me the way they once did.

Not everything has been healed overnight… I still have the longterm effects of skin issues, the skin disorders (eczema and hives), parasites, imbalances, and more to deal with — but at least I can deal with it with feeling like ME. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, to feel like me again.

My Tips for You //

My advice for you if you are struggling is: don’t take my words and impart them on yourself and your body. Coming to this very personal conclusion of being 95% plant-based right now in this season of my life took so, dang much personal work, journaling, meditation, channeling, drawing inward, experimenting, listening, believing, FAILING (trial and error, so much of it), courage, going against the grain of what I’d been told, facing my fears, and more. I want the same for YOU, however the outcome looks in your own life.

Because the truth is, this time around I did what I had done before with the slippery slope of listening to others & not my own body… it just didn’t look like so much of a problem as it did the first time. When I was vegan, I inadvertently listened and took in the advice of the raw vegan community and the “40 Bananas a Day” YouTubers. I juice cleansed for a living. THAT was unhealthy, and it looked that way to the outside world and family and friends too.

This time… I listened to a more balanced approach, but I was still listening to others. “Strive for X amount of protein every day, get your body into ketosis, avoid starches and fruits, be careful with the legumes” on and on. I LISTENED. I soaked it in. I was at a loss, and I wanted guidance.

And maybe that’s what I needed for a period of time. Who’s to say. I learned a lot, and I don’t regret anything. I respect everyone I have worked with and sought advice from, and NO ONE is wrong. They just don’t live inside of my body, and living inside of your own body is the only, only, only, only, ONLY place you can get true and real answers.

But in order to do that, you must be deeply in tune. I watch documentaries like “Fed Up” for example, and it’s very clear to me that not everyone is in a position to get deep internal cues and messages from their own body. We all start somewhere, and for some people starting with trusting a nutritionist, doctor, or trainer, is PERTINENT in order to get healthy.

For me, someone who researches and lives the lifestyle of wellness pretty much day in day out, who BREATHES health and vitality and foods that make us feel good… for me, it’s all about tuning in. Drawing in. Listening.

So that’s what I am doing now. If my body asks me for a juicy slab of red meat tomorrow, I’ll eat it. But I won’t quit on my veggies and fruits again. I won’t ditch my kitchari, spices, herbs, or foods from the earth ever again. I won’t turn my back on the healthy foods that ignite me deep from within and are the reason I started my blog in the first place.

Where I Am Now //

For so long, I ran from orthorexia. I was so, so scared of being “STUCK” again with so many food fears and anxieties. But in the last four years, I have grown. I don’t believe in so much of the stigma and labeling and fear that used to rule my life. I worked through it, and because of that — I feel confident AF in this position again. Being almost completely plant-based feels incredibly, sensationally good in my body right now.

The best part? I DON’T HAVE TO RUN FROM ANYTHING. Orthorexia is not chasing me. It’s nowhere near me, in fact. Everything has changed. I have grown. It’s so empowering.

I will keep you guys updated from here on out. Keeping this little dietary way of life to myself (well, only as much as I possibly could…. I feel like I’ve blabbed it discreetly a lot over the last few months — come on, it’s ME lol) has felt really good. I needed to, in order to figure out what it meant and what it looks like for me.

A message for everyone: veggies and fruits have the power to HEAL us. If you are allergic to them, can’t handle them, your system hates fruit, etc. then obviously listen to yourself and not me. But for the majority of people out there, it’s a fact. PLANTS HEAL. A few resources that have helped me get over my fruit fear and my plant-based/vegan-ish fears recently:

– The Medical Medium Life-Changing Foods

– The Plant Paradox

– Medical Medium: Secrets Behind Chronic & Mystery Illness & How to Heal

– And if you’ve never read my book, Breaking Vegan, it is an account of everything I have described in this post / my orthorexia healing journey. So dear to my heart.

Would love to hear your thoughts on all that I’ve shared, and would love to hear your current approach to food, lifestyle, labels or no labels, health, ALL of it.

Love you guys.

As always, respect and appreciate every type of lifestyle: from vegan to paleo, label-free to diehard keto, fruitarian to mega carnivore. This is a loving, accepting, open space to share your thoughts.

X

(P.S. if you’ve never rated & reviewed a podcast, all you have to do is type ‘The Balanced Blonde Podcast’ into the iTunes Store Podcast section, click on ‘Ratings & Reviews’ and then click on the stars to rate and ‘Write a Review’ to review! Simpler than it sounds.)

SO STOKED, because I am a firm believer that everyone needs to get cupped and see for themselves how amazing the practice is. Kara uses & sells heart-shaped cups (she and her mom invented them) so that’s why her sessions are called love cupping sessions.

We tried to answer as many FAQ’s about acupuncture, cupping, Oriental Medicine, herbs, treatment for eczema / hives / female issues / hormones as possible… so let us know below if you have further questions!

Now it’s time for a LOVING LATELY, my longtime favorite way to connect with you guys on the blog. If you’re new to the bloggy, these posts are basically where I share in list format what I am obsessed with lately, things I think you’ll like to check out, etc. It’s fun. I love a good list.

Loving Lately // 2.21.18

1. Checking my email ONCE a day or less! 

Okay this might sound crazy for any entrepreneur / business owner, but checking my email once a day OR LESS has been the hugest saving grace & most amazing positive change in my daily life. For YEARS I felt like I was chained to my email, which was a shame because I built this blog & lifestyle so that I could have a super flexible schedule with lots of time to be creative, play, do yoga, connect with people who inspire me, reflect on new ideas, meditate, create content, the list goes on. That list does not really include email.

Of course emailing is a facet of my business and any business, so it’s gotta get done & also get done in a relatively timely manner, but if someone is getting a response within 24-48 hours of sending a request or message… I think that is pretty darn timely. And if I miss a window of opportunity because something was super urgent, it probably wasn’t my kind of opportunity to begin with. This is something I really learned to accept when I was in Bali — when I took TWELVE DAYS away from email completely — because I did miss a lot of cool opportunities and brand partnerships that needed immediate responses, and it was pretty amazing to me HOW EASY IT WAS FOR ME TO ACCEPT that those opps weren’t meant for me in the first place.

No sweat off my back, at all. Because when we take the approach that life is abundant, that there are an abundance of opportunities that are meant for us and will make their way to us when we are open to them, there is no such thing as a missed opportunity. Because it literally wasn’t meant for us in the first place. And I am here to say for everything that I “missed” because I wasn’t able to respond while on vacation in Bali with the love of my life… ten times bigger & better things have taken their place. Because those original things simply weren’t for me — and I hope whoever those opportunities went to had their lives & workflows enhanced because those opps were for THEM.

The solo hike I went on this week (and it started RAINING out of NOWHERE! It was so beautiful I cried) because I ditched my email for the afternoon to ground & EARTH.

Anyway, I digress. Checking my email once a day has opened me up to do all of the things I always dreamed of doing but felt I didn’t have time for. Getting outside daily, either by solo hiking (where I get all of my best thinking done), going on a walk with one of my best friends, going to the beach, or taking myself on an adventure where I feel completely in the flow. It also gives my brain a rest to wake up and know that I am not going to be chained to my email — I can wake up, do my morning routine, take a yoga class, give Huddy my undivided attention, write a blog post, record a podcast episode, and THEN check email for an hour or less… it’s brilliant and why wasn’t I doing this ALWAYS?!?!

This book really helped me when it came to learning how to use time more efficiently and not be 100% tied to my email. Highly recommend!

2. Spending time offline with my love at the Ojai Valley Inn last week & weekend! 

Between the two of us and our crazy schedules, getting away to a quiet, serene, relaxing area awayyyy from the cities every so often is exactly what we need. We got to relax, ride bikes, get massages, see Nicola (you can listen to my podcast episode with her here, she is AMAZING) for energy alchemy sessions, try out some delicious vegetarian restaurants in downtown Ojai, explore, and soak in each other’s love.

The hotel is truly one of my favorite places in the world. I stayed there for the first time about a year ago for my best friend Danielle’s birthday, and we all feel deeply in love with the serenity, the stunning grounds, and the way it somehow feels just like home.

Their apothecary is truly GOLD! I could get lost in there for hours. And our room was right across the way!

They were also super accommodating with all of my food sensitivities & difficulties right now (try coming off of a full Panchakarma + liver cleanse and having hives / eczema / parasites / more and then going right into a vacation… #eek) which I so, so, so appreciate.

The Ojai Valley Inn has offered this code: TBB2018 for 15% off of your stay if you book before May 31st, 2018 (the trip can be anytime from now until July 31st, 2018 — it just has to be booked by the end of May)! They are offering midweek trips but you can also do as we did and extend that stay through the weekend so you’re still getting a deal on some of your nights AND staying for part of the weekend. #TBBhacks

Pre-massages with my boo. The only thing we wished is that the massages were 10x as long because they felt SO GOOD – lol. The spa is also so nice… afterward I soaked in the steam room & sauna for HOURS, meditated, and blissed the heck out.

3. Starting to eat more foods again after my Panchakarma!

I started the Panchakarma diet about a week before my PK in January, which means I have pretty much been eating kitchari for every meal of 2018! I was even lucky enough to find an Ayurvedic restaurant in NYC to cater to my Ayurvedic obsessions. And more than just obsessions… important food preferences because of all of the health & gut stuff I have been going through lately.

I still kept up my kitchari & veggie routine in Ojai, but when I got back to LA something came over me and I knew I was ready to branch out a bit. I truly believe our bodies SPEAK to us and tell us exactly what they need, so I was fully ready to listen.

This smoothie was so delicious I can’t even handle it. I will share the full recipe soon but it’s very easy — butternut squash, spinach, almond milk, one date, mint leaves, blend!

I haven’t gone too crazy yet because my system is highly sensitive right now, especially after the liver cleanse I did last week, but I have been incorporating some smoothies (without ice so they don’t get too cold — cold is not good for my digestion), some super light granolas (I love a brand from Erewhon right now that is called Canopy Clusters), a bit more fruit (bananas, dates, apples), and a few super healthy desserts (of course, also from Erewhon). I missed the dessert life so much… we all know I’m a chocolate junkie.

I am also back on my elixir train, drinking my beloved dandelion tea and chaga! I have a lot of fun RECIPES to come… expect some of the ingredients in my below fridge photo to be included.

So many of my faves lately below…!

4. So many discounts & codes for you guys lately! 

I have had so many awesome podcast sponsors & brand partners lately I thought it would be easy to put a bunch of the codes & links in the same place so you can get some free + discounted stuff! Ready?

• FOUR SIGMATIC: Go to FourSigmatic.com/BLONDE for 15% of all mushroom coffee, matcha, medicinal shrooms, ALLL the goods! I literally live and breathe this brand. Current faves are caffeine-free chaga, and the new mushroom hot cacao blend!
• THRIVE MARKET: Head to ThriveMarket.com/BLONDE for $60 worth of free groceries (literally no strings attached), free shipping, and a free 30-day trial on their website! They are an online marketplace for premium food, home products, body products, etc. I buy almost all of my groceries & home products there at this point!
• WOO FOR PLAY: Head to WOOFORPLAY.COM and use the code BLONDE at checkout (this one is not a link, but a code!) for 10% off of all products. This is the coconut oil based lube I was talking about in last week’s episode… 100% natural, anti-viral, anti-fungal, and it feels amazing (and will make sex feel 10x better, I promise).
• HUM NUTRITION: Go to HUMNUTRITION.COM and use the code SOUL for 20% off of your first order. They are an amazing line of all-natural supplements (think beauty, sleep, anti-aging, skin, detox, etc.) that I have been taking for YEARS and swear by. My fave is the “Skinny Bird” because it always helps clean me out.

5. COLLAGEN EVERYTHANNNGGG!

Now that I am able to incorporate my usual supplements, powders, teas, elixirs, etc. back into my life again post-MASSIVE HIVES breakout (okay I still have them but they’re starting to go away) I have been back on the collagen train like crazy.

My favorite collagen for the longest time has been Vital Proteins, and specifically their Matcha Collagen because it is the perfect blend of matcha deliciousness with the boost of collagen for hair, skin, nails, and joints. Collagen also just makes me feel amazing in general… it is the key thing I take that I notice a difference with on the daily.

I have a super yummy Matcha Collagen raw chocolate chip ball recipe coming at you this week, soooo get excited because it’s probably the most delicious dessert I have made in a while. Maybe also because it was the first dessert I had since before my Panchakarma so it was crazy exciting to indulge!

You can also check out Vital Proteins’ Coconut Collagen Creamer, which I also use daily — usually in a smoothie for me since I’ve been off of coffee. AND their Collagen Beauty Waters, my fave is the Lavender Lemon.

Just get some collagen into your life whatever you do because you’ll feel amazing. <3

6. VULNERABILITY & OPENNESS ON SOCIAL MEDIA!

I have long been a proponent of sharing our real, raw, from the heart, true lives on social media. (OMG, anyone remember the True Life series on MTV?! LOL I just thought of it when I said that…. oh boy.)

But I really have, and to me sharing from the heart feels as natural as anything else. It’s sharing things that I am not passionate about or that I don’t feel in alignment with that don’t feel natural to me.

I am completely obsessed with Lauryn Evarts’ of The Skinny Confidential’s post from yesterday, To You, From Me about losing her mom when she was in high school. It struck me on such a deep level for so many reasons, but specifically because she has been blogging for 8 years and decided now to share that incredibly personal part of her life publicly for the first time ever.

I respect Lauryn and any blogger who chooses to keep the deepest, most vulnerable parts of their private lives PRIVATE (there is no reason to spill painful details if it doesn’t serve you to do so), and I also commend the shit out of her for sharing and opening up because she knows how much it will help and impact her readers.

The way she describes how she KNEW it was time to share is exactly how I felt when I shared my first solo episode on my podcast. The episode was about the biggest trauma in my life, similar to Lauryn, something that shook me to my core and that without that experience… I would not be me today.

I never planned to talk about it on my blog or podcast exactly, but one day I woke up, walked to my computer and started recording. It flowed out of me and was the most cathartic thing I have ever, ever done.

The best part is that I learned SO MANY PEOPLE have been in the exact same boat, and we can all support each other & lean on each other. We are NOT alone.

Read Lauryn’s post and if you’ve never listened to my first solo episode… perhaps now is the time if you feel called to. I think it is my proudest blogging / podcasting moment, because it’s JUST. ME. And it’s who I am, where I’ve been. It’s what shaped me.

OKAYYYY on that note. Because I can’t really follow that up, it’s too important. I will head off for now (to acupuncture with Kara!) & say I LOVE YOU. Enter our love cupping giveaway, check out the codes I’ve provided above, try some collagen in your life, use that code to get a discounted stay in OJAI (!!!), and BE VULNERABLE & RAW in your every day life — you never know who it will help. <3 XOXOXO