Dealing with Darkness & My Powerful Past Life Regression Experience ✨
Sometimes I wake up and my mind goes instantly to a dark place. Like, I get really sad that my dreams are over and I need to proceed with the day in waking reality where my body hurts, my head throbs, my anxiety rages, and there is always a list of things to do. And I like my life! I even love my life. But I still wake up so many days feeling this way.
Sounds weird for a being who connects daily with the light, right? Not at all. Experiencing darkness is part of the human condition. There is a constant duality between the darkness and the light, and my belief is that without experiencing darkness we cannot fully appreciate the blessings from the light. But it still sucks to wake up and feel shitty, or to have full days that just feel so OFF.
Today for me was one of those days. Let’s get into it.
I woke up and immediately felt that feeling of… Oh. Darn. I really liked being asleep and living in my magical dreamland. Huddy was on my chest, purring his heart out, and I was holding him like a real life teddy bear. He always sleeps on my heart when I need an extra tune up. And not one but TWO of my friends texted me in the morning letting me know that Huddy & I were there healing them and playing with them in the astral plane (in their dreams!!).
So as you can imagine, waking back up into this reality just felt harsh after being in that beautiful healing space with my soul and Hud’s soul. What I do upon waking up when my mind goes to that place is repeat the mantra: “I am whole. I am beautiful. I am abundant. I am at peace.” I repeat it over and over until it really soaks in for me and I start to feel more hopeful about the day and more at peace with living with chronic pain.
And usually, once I get up and start my day, have my celery juice and coffee, do a meditation and some journaling or reading (The Daily Stoic is my morning go-to at the moment), then I really start to feel better. I ease into my body, into this existence, and tap back into how lucky I am to live a life that I love. I surround myself with people I love and make sure that every day I get into nature, write, move my body, communicate with my TBB fam (you guys), and connect with my loved ones. Those are some of my personal keys to happiness.
But some days… that routine just doesn’t cut it. Some days the reality of Lyme takes over, and sometimes I soak in the despair of the collective (I am a Reflector after all… it is not easy to have so many open chakras and centers. ALL of mine are open! Every single one!) and just feel exhausted by the mere thought of life. I really attribute this very much to being a very, very, very old soul. And to being so sensitive and soaking in other people’s emotions. Which I know many of us do.
Something that is said about Reflectors is that our health reflects the state of the world. So as you can imagine right now with the state of the world being in upheaval in many ways, my body’s baseline is upheaval. My nervous system feels flighty and fluttery and on edge so much of the time, and I have to work in my constant daily practice of tuning in, giving myself rest, and getting back to my heart center to even feel remotely at peace most days.
So here’s how I dealt with the darkness today…
Today was one of those rough ones. It was such a blessing because I had nowhere to be, and I try to work those days into my schedule as much as I can. But I still work, work, work no matter where I am or what I am doing. I don’t really know how to “rest” with much ease, so that is something I am currently working on. I woke up and instead of working just worked my ass off from bed which is… a whole other story. My work addiction!
I noticed myself slipping into a darker and darker mental space as the day went on, almost in a chemical sort of way, so I intervened by hopping in my sauna and listening to a high vibe podcast. Sweating out toxins is huge for us sensitive beings of light (which I am willing to bet includes so many of you reading) and tried to repeat to myself: Just stay calm. There is nowhere to be. No pressure to feel. It’s all working out exactly as its meant to.
I started to feel better and more inspired in the sauna, but by the time I got out I felt so DRAINED of all life force energy I just felt frustrated and sad. It’s a weird dance to be on the healing upswing from such a severe illness… because some days are very energizing and beautiful, and some days are so EXTREMELY depleting just simply being alive and doing nothing. This is not a complaint because I really feel and know that Lyme has been a gift to me. But it doesn’t take away the fact that being painfully exhausted just by being human is hard!
So I did something I never do. I laid down some towels (because I was still dripping from the sauna), chugged my electrolyte water, and laid down on my couch. Fully midday. Anyone who has lived with me will tell you I have never really sat on the couch in any home I’ve ever lived in. It’s this weird thing to me where especially during the day I have this huge mental block of refusing to “be lazy.” For whatever reason that’s what my brain associates the couch with — unless of course I am working on the couch. Now we can see why Lyme was my greatest teacher, yes?
Then I felt this deep calling, this INNATE PULL from deep inside of me to pull up a Past Life Regression Hypnosis on YouTube. I have done a past life regression with a therapist before (you can listen to my episode with that therapist on the pod here), but never on my own at home just for kicks. I have actually been feeling called to do this for a while but I was always turned off by how long the meditations are and how much time I would need to dedicate.
So I found one on YouTube that called to me and it was a little over an hour long. Again, that is a long meditation to do spontaneously in the middle of the day! But I was so up for it. I already felt my body melting into the couch with less than zero life force energy to speak of, and my energetic soul was buzzing to have this experience.
Side note: I am going to create a meditation like this for Waking Back Up To Your Own Soul, and had major visions of it while doing the regression!
Past Life Regression!!!
Within minutes the voice leading the meditation guided me to imagine roots growing from the bottom of my feet into the core of the earth, going deeper and deeper and deeper. I felt my feet literally VIBRATE with the energy of growing these expansive roots, and the vibration got more and more intense as I was guided to send these roots deeper and deeper into earth’s core.
From there I could tell this was going to be a DEEP meditation. I was going to go places. I was excited. Now I knew why I woke up feeling the way that I did — my soul was calling for this experience. So I will pause the story right here to tell you, an amazing way to deal with darkness, anxiety and depression is to stop what you are doing and meditate. It will likely not be the thing you want to do in that moment. It may be the last thing you want to do. But it WILL help. It can only help.
From there I sent relaxation through my whole body, and my hands literally started levitating. As the meditation guided me to reach for a purple flame, a chunk of crystal, and a lamp that held the knowledge of all of my past lives, I found myself reaching for each of those things involuntary. My hands put the invisible crystal on my forehead! And the lamp on my chest! You cannot make this stuff up.
I surrounded myself in a white light of protection, an important thing to do when you are opening your soul and energy field in this way. As I was guided into my past lives, I didn’t have the same blocks I often have. I could see everything. I was on the edge of GALAXIES… looking out into a dark sky full of bright stars. I was in the stars. And this was only the very beginning.
It will come as a surprise to exactly no one that Huddy was there guiding me through the ENTIRE way. And I saw my animal spirit guide and immediately burst into tears because it felt so pure and true. Any guesses??? Leave them below. :))
Then I descended the stairs into actual human past lives. I will go deeper on this in an upcoming podcast solo episode and in the book I am working on (yay ;)))) but the biggest thing I saw in one of these past lives was me as a mother of four, married to the soul of someone I know in this lifetime (actually a soul cluster but we will get into that another day), and we had a lot of new money as a family. People were after us. This was the early 1900’s. I asked my soul what year it was and it gave me a hazy answer of 1920 or 1921. WILD.
In this lifetime I felt myself getting strangled in the middle of the night in my bed. I couldn’t see by who but I knew it was an intruder who had come to ransack our home and kill me to take all of our belongings. My husband was out of town and the intruder didn’t go after the kids. I don’t think this person meant to kill me but they strangled me to death. I felt an INTENSE burning in my throat, jaw, neck and upper chest during the meditation while this was happening. I felt the struggle. I was a fighter and I fought back big time. Ultimately it was too much for me and I did not survive, but my soul stayed hovered about my home and my family for a long time after my death, watching over them.
After I relived this painful and traumatizing memory… I felt SO MUCH PAIN whoosh out of my throat, neck and jaw (in this lifetime). A lot of you guys know I have had debilitating jaw pain for years, and I’m not saying it’s gone now, but the FEELING I had while going into that past life was absolutely beyond wild. I have also had a big block in my throat chakra for pretty much my entire lifetime. I saw the root of this so, so clearly in this lifetime memory. Not to mention the root of my debilitating ANXIETY — I mean, hello?! Strangled and murdered?! Also no wonder I am petrified to the high heavens whenever I imagine our doors might be unlocked while I am sleeping!
I feel like it happened somewhere in the middle of America… potentially in Oklahoma, Arkansas, Kansas, or Kentucky. I tried hard to focus in on where it was and ask my soul but there was a lot going on. Also, I was a painter in that lifetime. My husband worked in the oil industry. I saw the names of all four of our children and what they looked like. They are all very young. 😭😭😭
I saw a lot of other lifetimes too, but that one was extremely notable… many of them were not nearly as painful as this one. There was a lot of deep, dark karma happening in that lifetime (with the death), but it was also full of immense love. MY DAD BYRON WAS THERE, because he always is. And again I was shown that my beautiful mama is more of a new soul so she wasn’t exactly there — and I went deep into my ancestral DNA and danced with my grandmothers and was shown quite a bit of clarity on my current healing journey from them.
A lot of the other lifetimes burst into my mind in a total cluster. Like I could see them all at once but couldn’t grasp into them deeply. But my soul did say to me, “WRITE YOUR DAMN BOOK.” Which is always says. Message received!!!
It was beautiful!!! Oh, and then I came back to the human life around 1926 into the body of someone in Hollywood who I have been obsessed with for a long time…. I am dying to know more about this life. That will be my next adventure. 🙂 Any guesses on who? If you are right I will send you a gift because… if you get it OMG then that means you see my soul DEEPLY!!!
As always with regressions I felt immense peace and love and nostalgia wash over me during and after. I also felt much more at ease and calm when I finished the meditation, like my body had gotten the deep rest it truly needed. I still feel exhausted but that’s because that stuff is deep work! Some of the deepest work there is!
I also saw so clearly that we travel in SOUL FAMILIES… aka our real life families as well as our chosen families in this lifetime, who are with us through the lifetimes.
It was affirmed to me that I am an old, old, old AF soul. Still resonating more deeply and clearly with being an ancient grandmother oak tree than a human being. But my human lives have all been very special. 💜
So all of this to say, if you feel those dark feelings and that overall dark energy from time to time (or a lot), you are not alone! Try meditating and if you are interested in a past life regression, I recommend first doing one with an accredited therapist because these journeys can be intense!!! I live an intense emotional life so I felt equipped, lol.
Anyway, I want to hear all of your thoughts! Leave them below! Questions? Would absolutely love to go way deeper into this too. 🔮🔮✨🎉👽 Love you all! Thank you for reading!