12 Things 💜✨ Pregnancy, Maternity Leave, Birth Portal, & Beyond!
Hiii fam! I wanted to pop in for one last blog post before this little guy enters the world and commemorate these last almost NINE years together on the blog, going through journey after journey and really growing up here with so many of you by my side. Not that things are going to change massively, but it feels so monumental in so many ways. 💜😭
I jus posted my final Instagram post before going offline into my little cocoon and birth bubble, to really soak in this time before he arrives. A few words from that caption, because my mind was definitely clearer this morning when writing this and now I am back to my usual 38 week brain fog, lol:
“The portal before birth is the wildest feeling – it feels like I’m straddling two realms. For a sensitive soul who feels the intensity of the spirit world so deeply, it’s a full on initiation and I don’t want to miss a moment of it. Daily it has made me reach for more within myself to find new levels of strength, patience, presence, and self love.
Never again will I be carrying my first baby, his whole little being one with my own. And simultaneously, any day or hour we will get to meet him. What!! I feel called to go inward, for this time to not slip through my fingers but to experience it to the fullest. This will be my last post for a while, while I step back to be fully present in this phase and off screens for now. To soak in time with my love while it’s just us.
To honor this transition from maiden to mother, or as Jonathan already calls me “mama bear” 🐻 Oh, and did I mention I’ve been in early labor for 3 weeks? A true initiation. I love you all, I am so thankful for your presence and love, we will see you on the other side! …& I simply cannot wait.”
It’s true, the birth portal is WILD, and these last few weeks have tested me and pushed me like no other. I haven’t talked about this much on Instagram, but I have been in what’s considered “early labor” for about 3 weeks now. That means I am having contractions every day, and they are not Braxton Hicks contractions as much as people who don’t know love to tell me that they are. 😂 They are far more intense, super painful, and feel like really sharp period cramps deep in my uterus.
When I first started feeling those contractions the week of Thanksgiving, I thought, “this is it! He is coming so early!! Wow!” and then… they just kept happening. And he is still happy and snug in my belly. 🙂 I have no desire to rush him, and I am really along for the ride and surrendered to the process. It is just wild to me because I had no idea that this was possible. I really thought I would keep feeling how I have felt this entire pregnancy, maybe a little more round and uncomfortable, and then eventually — I would go into labor! I did NOT anticipate everything shifting, and being in labor for what has felt like eternity.
My doctor said to me, “Congratulations, you are one of the unlucky few who get to be in labor for weeks!!” Lol. But are we surprised? I feel like between my Reflector nature, being a human guinea pig for all the things, and experiencing all big happenings in life with such depth and intensity throughout my life, this only makes sense. I know there are so many deep lessons in this time, and I have to say that I am extremely grateful this is how my path is unfolding because I really NEEDED these teachings. I needed this wisdom in order to find my true north inside of me again. I have been so off balance and off kilter… it’s hard to explain. But I will try.
Let’s get into today’s 12 things! I used to do these ALL the time on the blog, and they range from spontaneous thoughts to favorite healthy products, etc. Today I am just going to keep them focused on this birth portal of a time. 🙂 Enjoy the brain spill! I love you guys!
1. Ok so like I said I have been feeling extremely off kilter. I want to be so mindful and intentional during this time, so what am I filling my time doing? A LOT OF nothing special, really. For a while I found myself scrolling Instagram more than ever before, seeking distractions in an immense, intense way. The last thing on earth I want is to feel distracted right now, but I just continued to feed my brain with stuff online, other people’s lives, meaningless content that successfully kept me out of my head. It’s ok to numb out every once in a while, but I really was going overboard. Jonathan noticed this and with his guidance I have decided to put a stop to spending these sacred days that way!! I went offline for pretty much a week after he brought it to my attention, & am now going off fully. It feels good.
2. I needed to journal out my thoughts to figure out why I was numbing out so much with social media. It’s not the first time I have done that, but during this sacred time it felt extra sad to fall into that habit- like a true waste. Once I started journaling and meditating on it, I discovered what was blocking me and causing me to numb- I was terrified!! Terrified of life changing, losing my independence, something going wrong, living off of no sleep, not being able to pick up and do whatever I please whenever I please, you know. ALLL that stuff. Also terrified of my chronic illness symptoms returning, things I had buried so, so deep. I have worked on it now and have a much more open relationship with my own thoughts — I am grateful, these fears really needed to come up so they could be purged and let go of for good.
3. This baby boy is already my wisest teacher, as you can see. 🙂
4. No doubt, people who are already parents have a FAVORITE thing to say to expecting parents. “Enjoy your rest now because you’ll never have a good night of sleep again!!” “Have fun on your outing because you will never be able to hop in the car again without 2943829 lbs of baby gear!” “Enjoy your independence because it’s about to be gone forever — ha ha ha!!” You guys, it’s ollldddd. I know that everyone has the best intentions and I by no means judge anyone who has said these things, but J and I have been laughing because we hear it every day. Every day. All day. I really hope to not be one of those moms- lol. I want to tell moms to be all of the amazing things to expect. And I also believe in breaking patterns and cycles, and it doesn’t all have to be so “you’ll never sleep again” fear-based stuff, am I right? Although of course maybe it’s true!?!? I guess we will see when I get to the other side. 🙂
5. My husband is a saint. I really couldn’t get through a minute of this journey without him. From the late night foot rubs to the middle of the night ice pack runs, dinner dates in Studio City trying the “labor salad,” putting up with my hormonal as ever mood swings, guiding me when I feel lost… I feel so, so, so lucky to be on this journey with my best friend.
6. We got a new bed finally!!!! It’s a California King, which feels like a massive upgrade from the Queen we have been sharing ever since we moved in together. Between me, J, and Huddy and soon to be baby boy (even though he will be in a bassinet but with us so much in bed) — we needed more space. It’s an Avocado mattress for anyone wondering!! It is GLORIOUS!
7. TikTok is really fun. Like really, really fun. I am not a big scroller on TikTok (see #1 for the obvious reasons why lol) but I have a few accounts I love to follow on there. I feel like my alter ego comes out to play on TikTok and I can be more myself than I am on Instagram in a way. I am also very much myself on Instagram, but I guess the culture on TikTok is just more playful. So my playful side gets to come out and I just love not taking life so seriously. Come hang with me on there — my username is @thebalancedblonde!
8. I am finally craving all of the warming vegan foods over smoothies/juices… I never thought the day would come. I think it’s my body preparing me for birth!! I hired an amazing postpartum chef as well as a fab postpartum doula who will also be bringing food.. and I am really excited to nourish my body with yummy, warming, healing, nourishing Ayurvedic dishes. I have been reading The First Forty Days book & I did not have any clue that the 40 days after giving birth… and potentially longer in many cultures and for many women, really set us up for our future health in mid-life, menopause, and beyond.
As well as with fertility and healing for having future babies.. and I want a lot of babies! So that was extremely eye opening to me. I plan on being off of my feet as much as possible during this time and really bonding with baby, having limited visitors, and accepting all of the help and nourishment. It feels really right, and I am so glad to be in this place because years ago I can see myself choosing to “push through” and “bounce back” and all that stuff that I will not be focusing on right away whatsoever.
9. I have not dropped any hints about baby’s name even though my DM’s are full of guesses- lol!! People saying “I know the first letter now!!” “I know what it is because of the emojis you are using!!” Bring on the guesses my loves… only about 2-3 people have guessed it so far over the last 10 months!! Eek!!
10. I am still so eager and excited to see whether baby boy is going to be a Sagittarius or Capricorn. His due date is 12/25/21 (literally Christmas) but these ongoing contractions have thrown me for a loop… we will see what he chooses. I cannot wait to dive into his astrology, human design, & beyond!
11. I am really not checking my text messages or emails at all right now and it feels amazing. Also, it feels really off putting to me to receive texts about work or things that are not really appropriate for texting, or texts I receive from people I do not even know? That is my fault for having the same phone number for the last almost 20 years lol. But this is your reminder that you do not always have to be on or answering people. In fact, it feels amazing to set a boundary and only respond to what feels good.
12. I am full of ideas and inspiration for so, so much magic post baby and when I come back to work!! I am feeling all sorts of new creations and really, REALLY doing things differently. It’s time. I know that is where my biggest teaching will be, and I cannot wait to put it into practice and also show you guys what has been up my sleeve lately. 🙂
Photos from our latest & last maternity shoot !! With our BFF Tynan Daniels 🙂
Okay, I love you all so much!!!! Say hi below, tell me who you are, how long you have been reading, do you have kids!? All the things!! Just please don’t say the awful no sleep comment-lol!! Just kidding but not really. 😂 ILY ALLLL! Stay tuned for a solo episode this week btw too- my final ep before maternity leave. XOXO and see you on the other siiiide!!!