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Deeper Awakening, The Root of My Panic Attacks, & Energy Vortexes ✨🔮

November 19, 2020

Hellloooo my loves. Omg, where the heck have I been? Where to even begin? For starters, the personal transformation I have undergone this month has been massive. It has been intense, beautiful, expansive, multi-dimensional, and with the layers that have been shed I not only feel like a completely different person — I am a completely different person.

Oh, and I am heading into a plant medicine ceremony weekend tomorrow with Jonathan… so if I am saying this BEFORE plant medicine, I do not even think there will be human words to describe how I will feel or the layers that will have been shed by Sunday night. Ohhh my goodness.

I just want to give a brief update on the blog about where I’ve been & where I am going because my transformation has been moving at such a rapid pace I want to document all the bits and pieces of it with you guys. Before it’s at the next level, which no doubt it will be by this weekend! I have been loving bringing our blog tribe and hub back to life — your blog comments are literally breathing life into my heart and soul! In all of the ways Instagram has gotten stale and honestly makes me a bit dizzy to look at… the blog will always be where it’s at for me. So thank you guys for being here and for reading along.

I keep talking about Jordan 2.0 being on the rise, and the wild thing is that Jordan 3.0 is already here. 😂 Thanks to the vortex energy I have been tapping into and just how meant to be this whole last month (and year) has been… even though it has been intensely hard. But the shedding layers are reallllly goin’ for it. And now I am seriously feeling better than ever, albeit a bit exhausted, but more tapped into my soul’s purpose + at peace with where I am in my life in every single way.

What this month has looked like for me //

I suppose we can begin with earlier this month. Scorpio season. Whew. It has been a LOT. I felt a super palpable shift when Libra season was over, and after this recent New Moon I already feel a shift knowing that fiery Sag season is on the horizon. I am so grateful for the gifts and the wisdom that have poured through from Scorpio season… from talks with my mediums that have shown me full force what I need to let go of and what’s on the horizon for me, to aligning with the humans in my life in a deeper way than ever before… to just really tapping in to who I am in my soul and what I came here to do.

For pretty much this entire year, my anxiety has been raging. I will wake up in the middle of the night in a full blown panic attack, and even midday there is often such an undertone of anxiety it makes it hard to get anything meaningful done or be present doing just about anything. This last month has really shown me the root of my anxiety. And sharing it with you here might seem like a lot but hey, I think that’s what I came to this earth to do so I am going to do it. 😂✨

About a week ago, before the New Moon, I got to spend some really beautiful time with one of my dearest friends Jenna. Our time together was pretty much unplanned, but day after day it ended up happening, and we kept ending up getting the chance to spend endless hours upon hours upon hours together. One day we sat down on her couch and talked for 11 hours straight, without even coming up for air. No really, we were going to record a podcast and we went into SO MUCH OF A VORTEX that 11 hours later, at 1am, we looked at the podcast equipment sticking out of my bag and literally just laughed.

A vortex, by definition, is: a special spot on the earth where energy is either entering into the earth or projecting out of the earth’s plane. Vortexes are found at sacred sites throughout the world – the Great Pyramid in Egypt, Machu Picchu in Peru, Bali, Stonehenge, Uluru/Ayers Rock in Australia, etc. But my own personal belief is that a vortex can happen at any time, anywhere, if you are in the right headspace and with the right people. When a vortex is taking place, there is no stopping it. It can be brought on by a familiar scent, sight, taste, or even person. If you have known a person for many lives… you might experience a feeling of deja vu upon first meeting them. That is also a vortex. 🙂

When Jenna and I went into our vortex, it was like time stood still. Hours passed by SO quickly that time was practically irrelevant to us. I saw her face shape shift, we had past life memories, we pulled cards that were so beyond spot on, and we got to the root of so much of what has been deeply blocking both of us separately in our lives.

Getting to the root of my panic attacks //

While we were in the vortex I had a major past life memory when I was looking into her eyes. It’s like memories from previous lifetimes and this one were all floating into my consciousness at once, enough to give me a panic attack (if I weren’t in such a calm, sacred and safe space) and it hit me like a ton of bricks what has been causing my panic attacks for all of this time. Bear with me here while I explain it because this is such a personal, unique situation and I can only speak for myself when it comes to the type of panic I have gotten so used to experiencing.

In this memory I was transported back to a previous lifetime, or likely many previous lifetimes, where I was locked away for knowing too much. I, of course, was called crazy. I have always felt a deeply intense connection to the Salem witch trials, and I have also felt so deeply connected to people who are labeled as mentally ill when really I feel and know they are just too sensitive for this earth and their human bodies. They know too much. If you guys could only see some of the things that take place in my brain, and the ways in which I see our souls as so eternal and all of our lifetimes coming together as One (not to mention parallel universes + other dimensions!!)… it’s truly what I spend all of my time thinking about. Universal Oneness.

And over these last many years as I have reawakened to my soul’s truest essence, to who I have always been across lifetimes, I have been hit with this subconscious shock wave feeling of: You know too much. You are about to know waaayyyy too much, and when you know way too much you won’t be able to be on earth in an even semi-normal way anymore and things will not be good.

But at the same time, I know I am so supported in this lifetime. I have been talking about spiritual awakening and Pleiadians and mediumship and eternal souls for years now and have received nothing but beautiful support both in my real life and online (with you guys!!). Sure, it’s not for everyone but being “not for everyone” and accepting that has also become one of my greatest gifts, and has allowed me to ascend so, so much higher.

So what I am saying here is that the fear of KNOWING too much and remembering things that I have always known, in every lifetime, across all realms, and knowing that I am not just waking up to these things for the very first time — but I am remembering what I have always known, that has been a lot for my human body. And for that reason, the panic and anxiety has been strong. So has the Lyme disease, the exhaustion, fatigue, rashes, and beyond. Every time my human body has had a really hard time, has very much lined up with my own deep spiritual awakening.

And as a side note, I am not saying this in the way of I know more than anyone else. It’s just that the stuff I know is SO OUT THERE and if I really laid it all out on the table I think a lot of people would be terrified- but a lot of people would truly get it and love it at the same time. It’s just a lot. And. I am really feeling like the root of a lot of panic and anxiety in this world is people being disconnected from the free spirit they are in their hearts. Oh my gosh I shudder to think of myself 5-6 years ago, having just moved back to LA and being so WILDLY out of alignment with my soul. My heart breaks for that version of myself… how deeply lonely it was to be in that space. But I know now it has all been such a part of my journey, and for that I am so grateful.

My greatest gift is my people //

The biggest shift that took place for me in this vortex and portal was just how supported I am. This beautiful life has aligned me with the most incredible, supportive, awake, loving souls I could ever dream of. I am simply in awe of the people in my life. My husband, my mom and dad, my friends, and people who I have gotten close to in the last few years alone — just WOW. I feel like naming them all but they know who they are. And really on this front it is quality over quantity. And the sheer quality of the people in my life is beyond all words.

The GIFT I have been given by realizing how supported and what true, aligned friendship is supposed to look like has given me the gift of energetically releasing myself from all the ways in which I thought I was wrong or not good enough… or not “normal” enough. 😂 I swear to you I have been holding onto people, places, and things throughout my entire lifetime. I am a Libra through and through, so I have forced myself to try to make it work in a lasting friendship with every person who has ever been in my midst — even when the vibes are so off. Even when a person makes me feel icky. Even when they show me their true colors time and time again.

I am not saying I don’t still have love in my heart for those people, and where they are in their journey. Because I really do. And as my husband reminds me, it is so important to see the best in people otherwise what you focus on will eat you alive. So maybe what I am saying is that I am focused more on myself than ever before. I am so confident with where I am, and the people in my life, and I am so THANKFUL to have my people. And to have me. The truest me, Jordan 3.0 (hehe this is always a joke but honestly it feels like such a reality now) who just does not put up with anyyyy of the horrible shit that the previous versions of myself really, really did.

Oh, and my dreams have been more vivid than ever. OMG I could go on. But I will save the rest, because for now this feels like the perfect update. I hope it makes sense. I know it’s a lot and I want to thank you all for being such a safe space for me to share. I know after this ceremony weekend I will have a lot more to share and will be able to find all of the ways to do it. I love, love, love you all. And by the way my book on all of this is coming. It has to. I need to give myself the space and love and rest in order to make that happen. 💜

If you want to hear more on this awakening front, check out my recent spirituality this solo episode, and leave me questions below for part two. I cannot believe how many weeks have passed since my last blog post, but like I said, I have been in a time warp vortex that has just been making absolutely no sense to me!! It feels like my last post was yesterday.

LOVE you, please leave your thoughts and any questions below. I absolutely cannot wait to connect on this. I know I am such a mirror and you are all mirrors for me as well, so if you see yourself in this at all… know that we are so on this path together. I love you all. & my heart is so full & so grateful.